WAHEY! It's a JOKE thread : Enter at your own risk.

[RamboMcInally]

Great Eastern Railways apologise for disruption to services in the Cockfosters area over the last few weeks. This has been caused by a large points failure at White Hart Lane.

I find this particularly funny as i parked my car at Blackhorse Road station so i was affected by it

[Stevo985]

So Newcastle have a new manager. i'm sure there's a Joe Kinnear somewhere....Oh there it is!

[BOF]

/\ Oh gawwwwd

[El Zen]

I'll admit I laughed, Stevo

[Jimzk5]

the 7 dwarfs get trapt in a cave in, Snow White runs to the scene and shouts down the cave

"oh, please if you are ok say something"

she hears a voice shout back

"Newcastle united are big club"

Snow White - "well at least dopeys alright"

[villab0y]

'Can I have some Irish Sausages, please?' asked the Irishman,

walking up to the counter.

The assistant looked at him and asked: 'Are you Irish?'

'If I had asked you for Italian sausage, would you ask me if I

was Italian?' demanded the Irishman indignantly. 'Or, if I asked

for German Bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German?'

Then, warming to his theme, he went on: 'Or if I asked you for a

Kosher hot dog, would you ask me if I was Jewish?' 'Or, if I asked you for

a taco, would you ask me if I was Mexican? ! Would Ya? Would Ya?'

The assistant said: 'Well, no.'

Suitably encouraged by the success of his logic, the Irishman

steps it up a gear.

'And if I asked you for frogs legs, would you ask me if I was

French?'

'What about Danish Bacon, would you ask me if I was Danish?'

'Well no, I probably wouldn't' conceded the assistant.

So, now bursting with righteous indignation, the Irishman says:'Well, all right then, why did you ask me if I'm Irish just because I asked for Irish sausages?'

The assistant replied: 'Because you're in f***ing Homebase'

[Stevo985]

Why doesn't Lennox Lewis own a playstation?

He's an Ex-Boxer

[acwilliams]

Who says men can't multi-task?

I can **** my girlfriend and think about her sister at the same time.

[ClaretMahoney]

'Can I have some Irish Sausages, please?' asked the Irishman,

walking up to the counter.

The assistant looked at him and asked: 'Are you Irish?'

'If I had asked you for Italian sausage, would you ask me if I

was Italian?' demanded the Irishman indignantly. 'Or, if I asked

for German Bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German?'

Then, warming to his theme, he went on: 'Or if I asked you for a

Kosher hot dog, would you ask me if I was Jewish?' 'Or, if I asked you for

a taco, would you ask me if I was Mexican? ! Would Ya? Would Ya?'

The assistant said: 'Well, no.'

Suitably encouraged by the success of his logic, the Irishman

steps it up a gear.

'And if I asked you for frogs legs, would you ask me if I was

French?'

'What about Danish Bacon, would you ask me if I was Danish?'

'Well no, I probably wouldn't' conceded the assistant.

So, now bursting with righteous indignation, the Irishman says:'Well, all right then, why did you ask me if I'm Irish just because I asked for Irish sausages?'

The assistant replied: 'Because you're in f***ing Homebase'

Punchline over my American head..

[Rodders]

'Can I have some Irish Sausages, please?' asked the Irishman,

walking up to the counter.

The assistant looked at him and asked: 'Are you Irish?'

'If I had asked you for Italian sausage, would you ask me if I

was Italian?' demanded the Irishman indignantly. 'Or, if I asked

for German Bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German?'

Then, warming to his theme, he went on: 'Or if I asked you for a

Kosher hot dog, would you ask me if I was Jewish?' 'Or, if I asked you for

a taco, would you ask me if I was Mexican? ! Would Ya? Would Ya?'

The assistant said: 'Well, no.'

Suitably encouraged by the success of his logic, the Irishman

steps it up a gear.

'And if I asked you for frogs legs, would you ask me if I was

French?'

'What about Danish Bacon, would you ask me if I was Danish?'

'Well no, I probably wouldn't' conceded the assistant.

So, now bursting with righteous indignation, the Irishman says:'Well, all right then, why did you ask me if I'm Irish just because I asked for Irish sausages?'

The assistant replied: 'Because you're in f***ing Homebase'

Punchline over my American head..

irisih being tickos is a sterotpyical joke format. We do the there's a Englishman,Scottsman and and Irishman... and it's the latter who is generally the victim of stupidity.

[Rodders]

What do the letters D N A stand for

Nationa Dyslexic Association

and my favourite:

A dyslexic man walks into a bra

\o/

[rjw63]

'Can I have some Irish Sausages, please?' asked the Irishman,

walking up to the counter.

The assistant looked at him and asked: 'Are you Irish?'

'If I had asked you for Italian sausage, would you ask me if I

was Italian?' demanded the Irishman indignantly. 'Or, if I asked

for German Bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German?'

Then, warming to his theme, he went on: 'Or if I asked you for a

Kosher hot dog, would you ask me if I was Jewish?' 'Or, if I asked you for

a taco, would you ask me if I was Mexican? ! Would Ya? Would Ya?'

The assistant said: 'Well, no.'

Suitably encouraged by the success of his logic, the Irishman

steps it up a gear.

'And if I asked you for frogs legs, would you ask me if I was

French?'

'What about Danish Bacon, would you ask me if I was Danish?'

'Well no, I probably wouldn't' conceded the assistant.

So, now bursting with righteous indignation, the Irishman says:'Well, all right then, why did you ask me if I'm Irish just because I asked for Irish sausages?'

The assistant replied: 'Because you're in f***ing Homebase'

Punchline over my American head..

irisih being tickos is a sterotpyical joke format. We do the there's a Englishman,Scottsman and and Irishman... and it's the latter who is generally the victim of stupidity.

I think mahoney's post went over YOUR head Rodders! :-)

The punchline in American would read "Because You're in **** Home Depot"

[chrissmith921]

A little light relief for which growing up in Wales is not a mandatory requirement - but it helps.

Two 90 year old men, Mike and Joe, have been friends all of their lives.

When it's clear that Joe is dying, Mike visits him every day. One day Mike says, 'Joe, we both loved rugby all our lives, and we played rugby on Saturdays together for so many years. Please do me one favour, when you get to Heaven, somehow you must let me know if there's rugby there.'

Joe looks up at Mike from his death bed,' Mike, you've been my best friend for many years. If it's at all possible, I'll do this favour for you.

Shortly after that, Joe passes on. At midnight a couple of nights later, Mike is awakened from a sound sleep by a blinding flash of white light and a voice calling out to him, 'Mike--Mike.'

'Who is it? asks Mike sitting up suddenly. 'Who is it?'

'Mike--it's me, Joe.'

'You're not Joe. Joe just died.'

'I'm telling you, it's me, Joe,' insists the voice.'

'Joe! Where are you?'

'In heaven', replies Joe. 'I have some really good news and a little bad news.'

'Tell me the good news first,' says Mike.

The good news,' Joe says,' is that there's rugby in heaven. Better yet, all of our old friends who died before us are here, too. Better than that, we're all young again.

Better still, it's always spring time and it never rains or snows. And best of all, we can play rugby all we want, and we never get tired, or injured.'

'That's fantastic,' says Mike. 'It's beyond my wildest dreams! So what's the bad news?'

'You're in the team for Tuesday.

[Straggler]

If we're all gods children, what's so special about Jesus?

[World_Domination]

Why do the Russian's drink co-op's own and not earl grey ?

Because they don't believe in property.

[Daveburnside]

Why do the Russian's drink co-op's own and not earl grey ?

Because they don't believe in property.

I dont get this joke.

[El Zen]

Property/proper tea

[Cizzler]

If we're all gods children, what's so special about Jesus?

Jimmy Carr's a Villa fan

[mjmooney]

Property/proper tea

Norwegian explains English pun to English speaker, I love it.

[villab0y]

Subject: Moral Situation

This test only has one question, but it's a very important one. By giving an honest answer, you will discover where you stand morally.

The test features an unlikely, completely fictional situation in which you will have to make a decision.

Remember that your answer needs to be honest, yet spontaneous.

Please scroll down slowly and give due consideration to each line.

THE SITUATION

You are in England, York to be specific.

There is chaos all around you caused by a hurricane with severe flooding. This is a flood of biblical proportions.

You are a photo-journalist working for a major newspaper, and you're caught in the middle of this epic disaster. The situation is nearly hopeless.

You're trying to shoot career-making photos.

There are houses and people swirling around you, some disappearing into the water.

Nature is unleashing all its destructive fury.

THE TEST

Suddenly, you see a man in the water. He is fighting for his life, trying not to be taken down with the

debris.

You move closer... Somehow, the man looks familiar...You suddenly realise who it is... It's Gordon Brown! You notice that the raging waters are about to take him under forever. You have two options:

1) You can save the life of Gordon Brown or

2) You can shoot a dramatic Pulitzer Prize-winning photo, documenting the death of one of the country's

most powerful men!

THE QUESTION

Here's the question, and please give an honest answer...

Would you select high contrast colour film, or would you go with the classic simplicity of black and white?