damothaking Posted September 6, 2007 Share Posted September 6, 2007 a teenage lad and girl decide to have sex the girl says please when i say bread switch moves so we can test sex moves the lad goes ok and if i also say butter that means do it harder so they get away and have a greta time she screams bread butter butter butter butter bread butter the mom down stairs shouts up and says keep it down ive got mayonais eall over me Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
timharding Posted September 6, 2007 Share Posted September 6, 2007 My favourite from sikipedia... Thank God for the "Save Maddie" fund. Her parents can afford a babysitter now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ikantcpell Posted September 6, 2007 Share Posted September 6, 2007 The manager of Liverpool F.C.sends scouts around the world looking for a new striker to help them win the title. One of his scouts informs him of a young Iraqi who he thinks will be a new superstar so the manager goes to Iraq signs him and brings him to Anfield. Two weeks later Liverpool are 4 – 0 down at home to Man.Utd.with twenty minutes to play,so the manager gives the nod to the young Iraqi to go on. The lad is a sensation scoring five goals and wins the game for Liverpool. The fans are delighted the players and the coaches are delighted and the media love the new star. When he comes off the pitch he phones his mum. Hi mum guess what ? he says ,I played for twenty minutes today scored five goals and we won.Everybody loves me the fans,the players and the media. Great says his mum,now let me tell you about my day. Your father was shot,your sister and me were raped and beaten and your brother has joined a gang of looters while you were having a great time. The young lad is upset. What can I say mum,Im really sorry Sorry says his mum so you should be its your f**king fault we moved to Liverpool in the first place Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
villab0y Posted September 6, 2007 Share Posted September 6, 2007 If anyone hears of a coffin going cheap, could you let Mrs Pavorotti know... She's after a cheap one for a tenor... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tedvado Posted September 7, 2007 Share Posted September 7, 2007 Elton John to replace Pavorotti inhe three tenors...........going to be known as the two tenors & the 9bob note ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hev Posted September 7, 2007 Share Posted September 7, 2007 Joe wanted to buy a motorbike. He doesn't have much luck until,one day, he comes across a Harley with a 'for sale' sign on it. The bike seems even better than a new one, although it is 10 years old. It is shiny and in absolute mint condition.He immediately buys it, and asks the seller how he kept it in such great condition for 10 years.'Well, it's quite simple, really,' says the seller,'whenever the bike is outside and it's gonna rain, rub Vaseline on the chrome. It protects it from the rain.' And he hands Joe a jar of Vaseline. That night, his girlfriend, Sandra, invites him over to meet her parents. Naturally, they take the bike there.But just before they enter the house, Sandra stops him and says,'I have to tell you something about my family before we go in.' 'When we eat dinner, we don't talk. In fact, the first person who says anything during dinner has to do the dishes.''No problem,' he says. And in they go. Joe is shocked. Right smack in the middle of the living room is a huge stack of dirty dishes. In the kitchen is another huge stack of dishes. Piled up on the stairs, in the corridor, everywhere he looks, dirty dishes. They sit down to dinner and, sure enough, no one says a word. As dinner progresses, Joe decides to take advantage of the situation. So he leans over and kisses Sandra. No one says a word. So he reaches over and fondles her breasts. Still, nobody says a word. So he stands up, grabs her, rips her clothes off, throws her on the table, and screws her right there, in front of her parents. His girlfriend is a little flustered, her dad is obviously livid, and her mom horrified when he sits back down,but no one says a word. He looks at her mom. 'She's got a great body,' he thinks. So he grabs the mom, bends her over the dinner table, and has his way with her every which way right there on the dinner table. Now his girlfriend is furious and her dad is boiling, but still, Total silence. All of a sudden there is a loud clap of thunder, and it starts to rain. Joe remembers his bike, so he pulls the jar of Vaseline from his pocket. Suddenly the father backs away from the table and shouts, All right, that's enough, I'll do the f**!@!$' dishes Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LT_1993 Posted September 8, 2007 Share Posted September 8, 2007 The liverpool manager flies to Baghdad to watch a young Iraqi play football and is impressed and arranges for him to come over to sign. Two weeks later the 'pool are 4-0 down to man'ure with only 20 minutes left. The manager gives the young Iraqi striker the nod and on he goes. The lad is a sensation - scores 5 goals in 20 minutes and wins the game for liverpool! The fans are delighted, the players and coaches are delighted and the media love the new star. When the player comes off the pitch he phones his mum to tell her about his first day in english football. "Hello mum, guess what?" he says. "I played for 20 minutes today, we were 4-0 down but I scored 5 and we won. Everybody loves me, the fans, the media, they all love me. It's wonderful!" " Wonderful?! " says his mum, "Let me tell you about my day. Your father got shot and robbed in the street, your sister and I were ambushed, gang raped and beaten and your brother was beheaded by masked men, all while you were having such a wonderful time." The young lad is very upset, "What can I say mum, but I'm so sorry." "Sorry?!! Sorry?!!" says his mum, "It's your bloody fault we moved to liverpool in the first place!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sputnik Posted September 8, 2007 Share Posted September 8, 2007 whats white and can't climb trees? a fridge whats green, sings and stays in your fridge? Elvis Parsely Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sputnik Posted September 8, 2007 Share Posted September 8, 2007 a dyslexic walked into a bra...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maqroll Posted September 8, 2007 Share Posted September 8, 2007 Rodney goes to visit his doctor. He says, "Pardon me, Doc, but could ya have a look at me penis?" The doctor runs a few tests, goes to review the results and returns to the examaning room. He says, "Rodney, I can safely determine there is absolutely nothing wrong with your penis." To which Rodney replies, "Well I knew THAT Doc, but ain't he a **** beauty!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sparky Posted September 8, 2007 Share Posted September 8, 2007 British weather, its just like a Muslim, either sunni or shi'ite. hehehehehe Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maqroll Posted September 8, 2007 Share Posted September 8, 2007 A man walks into a telephone pole. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RichardCanning Posted September 13, 2007 Share Posted September 13, 2007 Great News: The New Renault McCann is so big you can lose your kids in the back of it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
privateer Posted September 14, 2007 Share Posted September 14, 2007 Two farmers are in a bar, and one says to the other, " I think my dog is gay" "Why is that then?" the other one replied. "Because his cock tastes like shit" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BOF Posted September 14, 2007 Moderator Share Posted September 14, 2007 If she's not getting the hints (NSFW!) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BOF Posted September 14, 2007 Moderator Share Posted September 14, 2007 A nose walks into a bar and orders a drink. Barman says "I can't serve you, you're off your face". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted September 14, 2007 Share Posted September 14, 2007 *sigh* I see we have a few Sickipedia readers on here... I'll join in! A man asks his friend, "Do you ever talk to your wife during sex?" The friend responds, "Yeah, if she calls." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
B6 to E6 Posted September 14, 2007 Share Posted September 14, 2007 I almost rang my mate from ASDA the other day, cos I saw his name on a loaf of bread, but I looked again and saw it said "thick cut". His name is Sunblest Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted September 20, 2007 Share Posted September 20, 2007 I was asked to run a marathon. I said, "Piss off". They said "Come on, it's for spastics and blind kids." Then I thought... "****, I could win this." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nigel Posted September 20, 2007 VT Supporter Share Posted September 20, 2007 I was asked to run a marathon. I said, "Piss off". They said "Come on, it's for spastics and blind kids." Then I thought... "****, I could win this." Now that made me laugh! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts