chrisp65

my bog story: When I was a lowly college student and still living at home with the folks, I went out on a student night I'd organised. I got a bit ahead of myself, nervous it would be a success and not lose money. So I set off drinking at a bit of a pace. I didn't stop. Absolutely express drinking to the point where you have a drink in both hands and you know you are smashed and there are drinks in your system that are yet to kick in. Suddenly I knew I really really needed to be sick in a big way. Not a lean on the wall splash your shoes way. If I was sick, the pressure was going to knock me backwards. Being drunk, I decided I'd go home and die in comfort and not embarrass myself in front of the cool kids. By the time I got home I am literally holding my mouth clamped shut. I chuck who knows how much money at the taxi driver, burst through the front door, leap up the stairs and I'm kicking open the toilet door at the same time as I'm beginning my projectile vomit. Art, maths, slo mo magic. Anyway, turns out my mum was sat on the loo.

a power piss one that destroys the little blue block of stuff in the urinal

yes it was Pavlov's, we just have an in joke about Pablo in the office, and there's nothing funnier than using an inny joke amongst outies

This Rudd thing is something you’ve repeated quite a few times now. Am I just falling for some Pablo’s dog thing? Or do you genuinely not get what happened with Rudd’s threat to name and shame companies that hired foreign types? She name checked the people in the hall that were working the media to explain explicitly to the journalists what Rudd meant. Nobody has ‘quoted’ Rudd saying they would be around smashing the windows with jude written on them. She simply said Timothy and Francesca worked really hard on my speech and the meaning behind it and the means to deliver it. Meanwhile, Timothy and Francesca were working the room, briefing the press that what the speech really meant, was naming and shaming of companies refusing to hand over lists of foreign workers. It could only have been clearer if she’d used a biro to give herself a little Chaplin moustache. Luckily, enough people pointed and laughed for her to realise it was all a bit Schindler’s List and she was able to have that inch of wriggle room to deny it ever meant reclaiming gold teeth. I know it wasn’t Pablo’s dog.

Opposite for me. I'll play music in the car to have a bit of a listen when Radio 4 is having a rubbish day. But at home, it's headphones on, sprawl across the floor on a beanbag and sink in to the warm orange liquid of zone out. I can get myself all transcendental. There's a 1991 track by The Times about astral projection, it does it for me every time.

All I know is the facts I’ve witnessed. Twice this morning my coaster has stuck to the bottom of my cup and I’ve sloshed black coffee on my work whilst trying to release the coaster with a wiggle of the cup. This wasn’t happening before that letter was sent in, but it is now.

Oasis? Blur?

check out their Radio 6 festival gig on iplayer - absolutely brutal

A few years ago the FA tried to give the league a slightly more high brow feel. So they awarded every club a philosopher, graded on the number of trophies won. Turns out Man Utd had won Plato. Arsenal had won Freud. Villa won Socrates. Turned out Birmingham City had won Focault.

I am smug, self satisfied (regularly), self aware and ashamed. I've been supporting little shops and trying to eat all the food I buy for quite a few years. I smugly recognised the problem with diesel years ahead of the curve. I support a couple of worthy causes but don't like to talk about it.....too much. I'm also aware that for all the 'good' I'm doing by buying artisan bean curd, my consumption of food and energy is horrific when compared with a typical average Indian or Chilean or Angolan or...or...or... Basically, for all my access to information, for all my education, for the fact I'm an all round goodly soul, if the rest of the world acted like me we'd drown by the year 2019. Live fast, die Jung.

there's not much that's nicer than a proper old Porsche I was offered a 'Porsche' 914 a few years ago that needed a front wing and I decided it wasn't worth the hassle. A few months later I was offered a VW Karmann Ghia, bizarrely with the same problem, a missing front wing. By offered, I mean offered almost free. Turned them both down as I didn't need the hassle. I'll never be rich. But just to bring this thread crashing down to earth. I actually considered buying a Skoda Rapid Spaceback today. I think I'm finally fed up of fuel bills and tax bills. Trouble is, as much as I don't like the costs of a 'big' car, I do like being able to overtake things and accelerate down a motorway slip road.

If my memory serves me right, the last time there was a significant deregulation of housing standards was....thatcher's tory government. Minimum sizes were reduced, including the height of ceilings which was scrapped. Ceilings just had to be high enough to open a door. This country won't be happy until it's turned itself in to a full on Dickensian fayre.

programme cover for the next home game in a fortnight's time... people with a connection to the town and the football ground, from current players, ex players, a few regular supporters, Buffalo Bill, daleks, David Hughes (ex manager/ex Villa), Noddy Holder... something to get the locals working out who's missing (there's enough missing for a second similar cover) I think I've mentioned it before, but we appear to have tapped in to the dark world of football programme collectors. It's a modest earner, but every pound helps.

Word from the returning Barrybados boys: a great trip out, the only slight niggle being Irish FA telling everyone instruments were banned from the the ground due to local residents having imposed a noise ban. Then once inside the ground, the Irish had an 'official' band for their supporters. So, as with all blazer wearing football committee types, they lacked a bit of class there. Actual people in actual pubs: all good. South Wales Police accompanied the fans over and report no arrests from Thursday through to Saturday. Less trouble than a non-football weekend.

eye nose it's ear say, but what can you do...

Done. 'cos I've also had to canvass volunteers for dissertation surveys. Best of luck.

wasn't really sure where to stick this... anyway, from the couple of songs they played from it, it sounds like the next album due late summer will be epic http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/p04w9vyr/the-6-music-festival-sparks if you only watch 1 minute, watch the 46th minute for the full pyrotechnics I bloody loves Sparks

I reckon I've had a bit of Stanley Unwin at least once a month for the last 30+ years. So yes, one for the oldies.

Douglas Carswell their only MP has also now left the party to become an independent. But a party with no MP's in parliament needn't worry. They've still got the tories to take up their policies and Labour to wave them through unopposed. Now, who'd like to see a fox killed by dogs and who wants taxi drivers to salute when they pick up fares? Carswell

D'you know what, I actually realised that when a wroted it. But decided **** 'em, I'm keeping it in if I'm having a middle class freedom rant.

To suggest you have a friend in MI5 and that he's told you stuff, no matter how 'bland' is either adding nothing to the conversation. As you say, it's nothing you couldn't already read in the Mail or the Sun or on here. Or, there was a hint that you know some people that know and share some secret stuff? I'd suggest that someone with genuine access to more detailed information would keep their mouth shut. Someone with access to the same information as can already be accessed elsewhere, is simply posturing. I do appreciate not everyone in MI5 is a ninja secret agent. Some of them work in admin., some in the canteen. But yes, perhaps it's time to draw a line under a very minor very petty point. It's one of the obvious after effects of one of these horrific incidents that we get anecdotes and rumours and bickering. People being accused of being apologists, people being accused of taking advantage of the situation to further their little agendas. I'm not talking specifically about on this board, I'm talking about generally, out there. Personally, I get tetchy when all the usual suspects wheel out their ignorant cut n paste arguments about islam and about brown people and about weird right wingers looking to tighten the noose on our freedom. I'm neither an apologist or a 'hawk'. I just want a bit of **** calm common sense. No wall building and no surrender.

To be fair, my wife's a spy and that's why she's often away for weeks on end and I'm not to say anything if I ever see her out with her 'mark'.

So you have a friend in MI5 and he tells you where he works and what he knows from his work. Would you say he was good at his job?