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Does Santa Exist?


bickster
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Does Santa Exist?  

38 members have voted

  1. 1. Does Santa Exist?

    • Yes
      14
    • No
      9
    • Undecided
      3
    • Prepared to bury my head in the snow that never falls on Xmas Day
      5
    • Who care's just give me pressies
      7


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3. Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 822.6 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with good children, Santa has 1/1000th of a second to:

* park,

* hop out of the sleigh,

* jump down the chimney,

* fill the stockings,

* distribute the remaining presents under the tree,

* eat whatever snacks have been left,

* get back up the chimney,

* get back into the sleigh and move on to the next house.

Assuming that each of these 91.8 million stops are evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false but for the purposes of our calculations we will accept), we are now talking about .78 miles per household, a total trip of 75-1/2 million miles, not counting stops to do what most of us must do at least once every 31 hours, plus feeding and etc.

Yeah, but Santa doesnt **** about. He is surprisingly quick for a fat fella.

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Yeah, but Santa doesnt **** about. He is surprisingly quick for a fat fella.

Is Santa fat?

I have a few secret bits of info

Our reserve goalie? look at his name Stefan Postma - In there are all the letters for Santa Post f'me

You never see him in the months before Xmas, he's of the "larger" build and he's from a foreign land - I think we've found the real man there

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I must be the biggest mug on the planet. I am one of three people who turn up to work, everyone else, including Bicks, is spending their time making complex physics/aeronautical calculations :wink:

Happy Xmas everyone!

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The Opera picked yes. There was a santa when you were little, and it's your turn to be santa so those can be little, and who knows...maybe there's a nice lass waiting in your bed after a long day of work, wearing some red-teddy outfit....oooohhh yeeaaahhhh....there's a Santa alright! Sure, it's all in your head, and in mine...and if indeed it isn't there, then, there's no Santa for you. Sad really.

By the way, Lex, that was some funny shit! First the offering of Santa being Turkish, and then the cheeky scroll down to a militant looking ex-Villan Turkish bloke, Alpay. It made me, well, laugh out loud.

Same to you Drat, I dig the conspircy theory!

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We need 214,200 reindeer. This increases the payload - not even counting the weight of the sleigh - to 353,430 tons. Again, for comparison - this is four times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth.

which Queen Elizabeth is the Queen Elizabeth? 1533-1603 or 1926-

I didn't realise either of them were that big...

that is one fat monarch!!!

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HAHA Well noticed the front security light come on last night after midnite, looked out to see if there were any kids going up the drive for me to batter senseless and noticed a fat bloke (actually the father of some of said kids and their mates) walking to his car, opening the boot and pulling out a huge object, hoofing it on his fat shoulders and going in his house... didn't notice any reindeers but his physique fits the profile...

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The Opera picked yes. There was a santa when you were little, and it's your turn to be santa so those can be little, and who knows...maybe there's a nice lass waiting in your bed after a long day of work, wearing some red-teddy outfit....oooohhh yeeaaahhhh....there's a Santa alright! Sure, it's all in your head, and in mine...and if indeed it isn't there, then, there's no Santa for you. Sad really.

By the way, Lex, that was some funny shit! First the offering of Santa being Turkish, and then the cheeky scroll down to a militant looking ex-Villan Turkish bloke, Alpay. It made me, well, laugh out loud.

Same to you Drat, I dig the conspircy theory!

Did we need to know about your Teddy fettish? Tell us more :wink:.

Ho Ho Ho. The dude exists, what more can i say.

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  • 10 years later...
  • VT Supporter

Given the following to be true of course :D

 

1. No known species of reindeer can fly. But there are 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and germs, this does not completely rule out flying reindeer which only Santa has ever seen.

 

2. There are 2 billion children (persons under 18) in the world. But since Santa doesn't (appear) to handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish and Buddhist children, that reduces the workload to 15% of the total - 378 million according to Population Reference Bureau. At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that's 91.8 million homes. One presumes there's at east one good child in each.

 

3. Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 822.6 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with good children, Santa has 1/1000th of a second to:

 

* park,

* hop out of the sleigh,

* jump down the chimney,

* fill the stockings,

* distribute the remaining presents under the tree,

* eat whatever snacks have been left,

* get back up the chimney,

* get back into the sleigh and move on to the next house.

 

Assuming that each of these 91.8 million stops are evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false but for the purposes of our calculations we will accept), we are now talking about .78 miles per household, a total trip of 75-1/2 million miles, not counting stops to do what most of us must do at least once every 31 hours, plus feeding and etc.

 

This means that Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second, 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man- made vehicle on earth, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second. A conventional reindeer can run, tops, 15 miles per hour.

 

4. The payload on the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium-sized lego set (2 pounds), the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting Santa, who is invariably described as overweight.

 

On land, conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that "flying reindeer" could pull ten times the normal amount, we cannot do the job with eight, or even nine. We need 214,200 reindeer. This increases the payload - not even counting the weight of the sleigh - to 353,430 tons. Again, for comparison - this is four times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth.

 

5. 353,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance - this will heat the reindeer up in the same fashion as a spacecraft reentering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer will absorb 14.3 quintillion joules of energy. Per second. Each. In short, they will burst into flame almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them, and create deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team will be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second. Santa, meanwhile, will be subjected to centrifugal forces 17,500.09 times greater than gravity. A 250-pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the backof his sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force.

 

In conclusion - If Santa ever did deliver presents on Christmas Eve, he's dead now.

Need to hire you on at kids' Christmas parties. 

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