Morley_crosses_to_Withe Posted February 3, 2014 Share Posted February 3, 2014 (edited) I don't care much for marriage, but fair play to people who do. They're also probably not as miserable as me, so they win on both levels. For a misery like me, though, the fundamental idea of it irks the shit out of me. I've found that as soon as you scrape off all the cultural gloss, it's just a woman demanding something that is largely irrelevant. Not wanting to get married was one of the reasons I broke up with my ex. The discussions basically boiled down to this: "It's a deceleration of our love and commitment" "Well why don't we just say we love each other and promise that 'death do us till part' stuff each day then?" "But it's a public display of love & commitment" "Oh, okay then - let's book a registry office - £40! Can your family and friends do next Tuesday afternoon? We can say stuff to each other in front of people and it'll be cheap too". "But I want it to be special" Now that last line is basically her wanting this retarded dream she's had since she was six. She wants to be a fairy princess for the day and wear a white dress! Oh well, we all have dreams that don't materialise. I wanted to play up front for the Villa & win the World Cup, but I decided to let that go ages back. Yeah, her dream is still more attainable, but I've got an attainable dream. I want to spend 24 hours in Las Vegas, in a Bellagio suite, with the '82 European Cup final on repeat, whilst snorting high quality cocaine off the pert tits of a 21 year old Hooters waitress whilst quaffing expensive booze in a jacuzzi. I'd prefer to do that then spend it in front of people who are mostly out to get a free meal, and who generally become bored shitless and tired of wearing a forced smile anyway. Can we spend the money on MY dream instead? No!? But why are you being so selfish Miss ME ME ME! Edited February 3, 2014 by Morley_crosses_to_Withe 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GarethRDR Posted February 3, 2014 Share Posted February 3, 2014 Yeah, her dream is still more attainable, but I've got an attainable dream. I want to spend 24 hours in Las Vegas, in a Bellagio suite, with the '82 European Cup final on repeat, whilst snorting high quality cocaine off the pert tits of a 21 year old Hooters waitress whilst quaffing expensive booze in a jacuzzi. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chrisp65 Posted February 3, 2014 Share Posted February 3, 2014 I don't care much for marriage, but fair play to people who do. They're also probably not as miserable as me, so they win on both levels. For a misery like me, though, the fundamental idea of it irks the shit out of me. I've found that as soon as you scrape off all the cultural gloss, it's just a woman demanding something that is largely irrelevant. Not wanting to get married was one of the reasons I broke up with my ex. The discussions basically boiled down to this: "It's a deceleration of our love and commitment" probably far funnier spelt this way 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chrisp65 Posted February 3, 2014 Share Posted February 3, 2014 could it be that there is still a pro male bias in society, with male action figures and female beauty figures and this clunking stereotype rammed home for 18 years leads some females to think that a princess wedding is where its at - it also causes males to think snorting coke in a Jacuzzi is where its at reality is somewhere closer to team work being quite rewarding (there is no right answer that fits all) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rugeley Villa Posted February 3, 2014 Share Posted February 3, 2014 I don't care much for marriage, but fair play to people who do. They're also probably not as miserable as me, so they win on both levels. For a misery like me, though, the fundamental idea of it irks the shit out of me. I've found that as soon as you scrape off all the cultural gloss, it's just a woman demanding something that is largely irrelevant. Not wanting to get married was one of the reasons I broke up with my ex. The discussions basically boiled down to this: "It's a deceleration of our love and commitment" "Well why don't we just say we love each other and promise that 'death do us till part' stuff each day then?" "But it's a public display of love & commitment" "Oh, okay then - let's book a registry office - £40! Can your family and friends do next Tuesday afternoon? We can say stuff to each other in front of people and it'll be cheap too". "But I want it to be special" Now that last line is basically her wanting this retarded dream she's had since she was six. She wants to be a fairy princess for the day and wear a white dress! Oh well, we all have dreams that don't materialise. I wanted to play up front for the Villa & win the World Cup, but I decided to let that go ages back. Yeah, her dream is still more attainable, but I've got an attainable dream. I want to spend 24 hours in Las Vegas, in a Bellagio suite, with the '82 European Cup final on repeat, whilst snorting high quality cocaine off the pert tits of a 21 year old Hooters waitress whilst quaffing expensive booze in a jacuzzi. I'd prefer to do that then spend it in front of people who are mostly out to get a free meal, and who generally become bored shitless and tired of wearing a forced smile anyway. Can we spend the money on MY dream instead? No!? But why are you being so selfish Miss ME ME ME! what a post, you are a legend Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xela Posted February 3, 2014 Share Posted February 3, 2014 I don't care much for marriage, but fair play to people who do. They're also probably not as miserable as me, so they win on both levels. For a misery like me, though, the fundamental idea of it irks the shit out of me. I've found that as soon as you scrape off all the cultural gloss, it's just a woman demanding something that is largely irrelevant. Not wanting to get married was one of the reasons I broke up with my ex. The discussions basically boiled down to this: "It's a deceleration of our love and commitment" "Well why don't we just say we love each other and promise that 'death do us till part' stuff each day then?" "But it's a public display of love & commitment" "Oh, okay then - let's book a registry office - £40! Can your family and friends do next Tuesday afternoon? We can say stuff to each other in front of people and it'll be cheap too". "But I want it to be special" Now that last line is basically her wanting this retarded dream she's had since she was six. She wants to be a fairy princess for the day and wear a white dress! Oh well, we all have dreams that don't materialise. I wanted to play up front for the Villa & win the World Cup, but I decided to let that go ages back. Yeah, her dream is still more attainable, but I've got an attainable dream. I want to spend 24 hours in Las Vegas, in a Bellagio suite, with the '82 European Cup final on repeat, whilst snorting high quality cocaine off the pert tits of a 21 year old Hooters waitress whilst quaffing expensive booze in a jacuzzi. I'd prefer to do that then spend it in front of people who are mostly out to get a free meal, and who generally become bored shitless and tired of wearing a forced smile anyway. Can we spend the money on MY dream instead? No!? But why are you being so selfish Miss ME ME ME! Leemond, is that you? Good post mate. Fully agree with you. Marriage seems to be about the woman wanting to be the centre of attention for the day. If I ever got married and the chance is remote, it'd be done on a beach abroad with maybe just my parents and hers. p.s the coke snorting is better off the toned stomach of the waitress 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
villaajax Posted February 3, 2014 Share Posted February 3, 2014 Yeah? Too bad! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MakemineVanilla Posted February 3, 2014 Share Posted February 3, 2014 I don't care much for marriage, but fair play to people who do. They're also probably not as miserable as me, so they win on both levels. For a misery like me, though, the fundamental idea of it irks the shit out of me. I've found that as soon as you scrape off all the cultural gloss, it's just a woman demanding something that is largely irrelevant. Not wanting to get married was one of the reasons I broke up with my ex. The discussions basically boiled down to this: "It's a deceleration of our love and commitment" "Well why don't we just say we love each other and promise that 'death do us till part' stuff each day then?" "But it's a public display of love & commitment" "Oh, okay then - let's book a registry office - £40! Can your family and friends do next Tuesday afternoon? We can say stuff to each other in front of people and it'll be cheap too". "But I want it to be special" Now that last line is basically her wanting this retarded dream she's had since she was six. She wants to be a fairy princess for the day and wear a white dress! Oh well, we all have dreams that don't materialise. I wanted to play up front for the Villa & win the World Cup, but I decided to let that go ages back. Yeah, her dream is still more attainable, but I've got an attainable dream. I want to spend 24 hours in Las Vegas, in a Bellagio suite, with the '82 European Cup final on repeat, whilst snorting high quality cocaine off the pert tits of a 21 year old Hooters waitress whilst quaffing expensive booze in a jacuzzi. I'd prefer to do that then spend it in front of people who are mostly out to get a free meal, and who generally become bored shitless and tired of wearing a forced smile anyway. Can we spend the money on MY dream instead? No!? But why are you being so selfish Miss ME ME ME! The average wedding now costs £20k and so your plan looks likely to fall well within your budget. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tegis Posted February 3, 2014 VT Supporter Share Posted February 3, 2014 The average wedding now costs £20k People are **** nuts/stupid if that figure is correct 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chrisp65 Posted February 3, 2014 Share Posted February 3, 2014 £20k for a wedding, madness for anyone on anything like an average income. This is where the lines blur I guess, my wedding was done on the cheap. Rather than buy a show wedding we called on friends and family for the gifts to make the wedding, my missus made her own dress, my dad made the cake, got the reception venue through contacts etc etc. Wedding cost bugger all in the grand scheme of things. We then splurged our money on a truly grand honeymoon. So perhaps its not either or, perhaps its a compromise, you know, like a sort of equal partnership. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MakemineVanilla Posted February 3, 2014 Share Posted February 3, 2014 £20k for a wedding, madness for anyone on anything like an average income. This is where the lines blur I guess, my wedding was done on the cheap. Rather than buy a show wedding we called on friends and family for the gifts to make the wedding, my missus made her own dress, my dad made the cake, got the reception venue through contacts etc etc. Wedding cost bugger all in the grand scheme of things. We then splurged our money on a truly grand honeymoon. So perhaps its not either or, perhaps its a compromise, you know, like a sort of equal partnership. For a couple trying to set up home, a fancy wedding is definitely a waste of money. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chrisp65 Posted February 3, 2014 Share Posted February 3, 2014 £20k for a wedding, madness for anyone on anything like an average income. This is where the lines blur I guess, my wedding was done on the cheap. Rather than buy a show wedding we called on friends and family for the gifts to make the wedding, my missus made her own dress, my dad made the cake, got the reception venue through contacts etc etc. Wedding cost bugger all in the grand scheme of things. We then splurged our money on a truly grand honeymoon. So perhaps its not either or, perhaps its a compromise, you know, like a sort of equal partnership. For a couple trying to set up home, a fancy wedding is definitely a waste of money. substitute 'fancy' for 'expensive' and I totally agree Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Morley_crosses_to_Withe Posted February 3, 2014 Share Posted February 3, 2014 £20k for a wedding, madness for anyone on anything like an average income. This is where the lines blur I guess, my wedding was done on the cheap. Rather than buy a show wedding we called on friends and family for the gifts to make the wedding, my missus made her own dress, my dad made the cake, got the reception venue through contacts etc etc. Wedding cost bugger all in the grand scheme of things. We then splurged our money on a truly grand honeymoon. So perhaps its not either or, perhaps its a compromise, you know, like a sort of equal partnership. This is where me and my ex used to disagree. There would have been no compromise - it had to be 'special'. Basically, 'special' to her meant 'expensive'. Her parents would have even paid a huge amount towards it, but I disagreed because the money could have been been better spent elsewhere. I like your approach of splurging on the honeymoon. I think that's more important and you can get more out of it than the actual day itself. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rodders Posted February 3, 2014 Share Posted February 3, 2014 and another one bites the dust... this time I was just really really fantastic and ABSOLUTELY THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH You spiel sent my way for the 34689th time. Just. **** it. **** off. **** this mythical "spark". **** it **** **** it. Thank the lord for loud speakers and red wine. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GeorgeVilla82 Posted February 3, 2014 VT Supporter Share Posted February 3, 2014 I don't often post on VT, but at times like this, talking to strangers on a forum seems like a good idea. So, I've just found out that my boyfriend of 15 years has been cheating on me since November with a colleague. I'd suspected that he was (he was being really quiet, always had his phone with him - even took it into the shower etc), but he denied it when I asked. Then I caught him on the phone to her tonight in the car outside our house - idiot had it through the car speakers and didn't realise I was standing on the pavement. I heard her declare her undying love for him. Trouble is, I'm 32 and don't really want to be starting again. We have a house, car, bank account etc together. When I confronted him, we had a long chat (all very civilised - no shouting) and he said that he doesn't know what to do. Things haven't been that exciting between us, but we have been together a long time. He is in love with the idea of this other woman (although she is married apparently - nice), and isn't sure if he wants to work through things with me. Writing this down, he comes across like a complete dick. Maybe that's why i thought posting here would be a good idea, to make me see sense. He says I deserve better. I'm not too bad looking, and have a good job in London. Thinking objectively, i should walk away. But it's hard to imagine being on my own after all this time - most of our friends are joint friends (we went to uni together), and I don't really want to have to move house. Equally, I'm not sure I could ever trust him. I've said that I think he should move out, as we need some space apart. There's no right or wrong answer I guess, but it's just all pretty shit. Sorry for the essay - just needed a place to get it all out (and not to friends who will just make me cry by being sympathetic etc). Any advice very welcome! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rodders Posted February 3, 2014 Share Posted February 3, 2014 (edited) Sorry about that. Shit. Understand what you say about you all having together. Ultimately, trust is a big factor in relationships and that's gone and if he's not interested either... but it's hardly that easy. All that I'll say is you don't have kids yet from what you say, so that's a "plus" in terms of the option to break free. Not that that is what you want to hear I guess. But you also have over 50 years left of your life on average for a woman- over 3 times the relationship lifespan of your time with him. As huge and massive change would be for you, there is plenty of time for new beginnings and so forth. But again, I know that really doesn't seem appealing. I've just got out of a short term one that's pissed me off ( a piddling 6 months so it's really no comparison ) and I'm a bit cheesed off :/ ( but like I said, no comparison ) Maybe a period of separation? At least just to give you mental space for you both to confirm what you want to do. He should agree to that at least. Edited February 3, 2014 by Rodders 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tegis Posted February 3, 2014 VT Supporter Share Posted February 3, 2014 (edited) Weird sentence/name combo GeorgeVilla82 - So, I've just found out that my boyfriend of 15 years has been cheating on me Anyway, He's a prize prick! Get rid! Edited February 3, 2014 by Tegis 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GeorgeVilla82 Posted February 3, 2014 VT Supporter Share Posted February 3, 2014 Weird sentence/name combo GeorgeVilla82 - So, I've just found out that my boyfriend of 15 years has been cheating on me Anyway, He's a prize prick! Get rid! Sorry, should have explained - the "George" is short for Georgina :-) Rodders - thanks, that all makes sense. Trial separation would be good, maybe that's what I'm trying to get at with asking him to move out. But you're right - I can't imagine trusting him again, TBH, so probably best to move on. If anyone knows any eligible bachelors in the London/ Hertfordshire area..... (joking!) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post chrisp65 Posted February 3, 2014 Popular Post Share Posted February 3, 2014 Don't ever stick with someone because you think that might be better than being on your own or starting again. That sounds like a recipe for at least two people to be miserable. Treat this as your opportunity to decide what you really want. If it's him, and he decides to stay well great. But don't let fear of the unknown be a factor - plenty of decent people out there. 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eames Posted February 3, 2014 Share Posted February 3, 2014 You have to do what's right for you. If you love him and can't be without him...forgive him, set the ground rules for the future, go to Relate or someoneike that and try to move on. Give him one chance to be 100% honest with you and you will both have to make changes. Trust takes time to rebuild. If you don't end it and move on. Peoe are weak and make mistakes...its interesting you said he loves the idea not the woman....that implies to me you could rescue this if that's what you want. Only you know what to do. Good luck. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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