wiggyrichard Posted March 21, 2012 Share Posted March 21, 2012 Exxxxactly... the real question is, how do you keep the magic going after the first year. Need to figure that one out before the problem arises. There are loads of ways, the very fact that you are thinking about it is a start. The best gestures cost **** all, the love letter one blew my other half out the water and she did it back and we have kept that going for ages now and I dont mean every week. If the flowers one is expensive just by a single rose and when you leave in the morning leave it on the pillow next to her for when she wakes up. It is easy to slip in complacency in any relationship and even more so if kids are involved, at 42 I know where I had messed up at other times and decided to do something different. This is the key for me, I may only be 25 but I have already been in a 7 year relationship, and I know all too well how quickly things can become stagnant. I think the key is to keep moving forward, doing new things and having things to look forward to. Am determined not to let this relationship go to pot! Problem is mate, all relationships lose their romance to some extent as you slip into the comfort zone. Dont get me wrong, im still romantic at times, but not nearly as much as i was for the first year. I don't think the dutch oven helps things, mate. I know, i hate it when she does that! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
b6bloke Posted March 21, 2012 Share Posted March 21, 2012 Exxxxactly... the real question is, how do you keep the magic going after the first year. Need to figure that one out before the problem arises. There are loads of ways, the very fact that you are thinking about it is a start. The best gestures cost **** all, the love letter one blew my other half out the water and she did it back and we have kept that going for ages now and I dont mean every week. If the flowers one is expensive just by a single rose and when you leave in the morning leave it on the pillow next to her for when she wakes up. It is easy to slip in complacency in any relationship and even more so if kids are involved, at 42 I know where I had messed up at other times and decided to do something different. This is the key for me, I may only be 25 but I have already been in a 7 year relationship, and I know all too well how quickly things can become stagnant. I think the key is to keep moving forward, doing new things and having things to look forward to. Am determined not to let this relationship go to pot! Problem is mate, all relationships lose their romance to some extent as you slip into the comfort zone. Dont get me wrong, im still romantic at times, but not nearly as much as i was for the first year. I know loads of blokes with kids who have found things improved by once a month having a date night, baby sitter or stay at grandparents and have a romantic night. some found it so tempting to stay in with a takeaway due to being tired or just a break from kids but ended up falling asleep or having an early night but going out was far much sucessfull. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wiggyrichard Posted March 21, 2012 Share Posted March 21, 2012 Exxxxactly... the real question is, how do you keep the magic going after the first year. Need to figure that one out before the problem arises. There are loads of ways, the very fact that you are thinking about it is a start. The best gestures cost **** all, the love letter one blew my other half out the water and she did it back and we have kept that going for ages now and I dont mean every week. If the flowers one is expensive just by a single rose and when you leave in the morning leave it on the pillow next to her for when she wakes up. It is easy to slip in complacency in any relationship and even more so if kids are involved, at 42 I know where I had messed up at other times and decided to do something different. This is the key for me, I may only be 25 but I have already been in a 7 year relationship, and I know all too well how quickly things can become stagnant. I think the key is to keep moving forward, doing new things and having things to look forward to. Am determined not to let this relationship go to pot! Problem is mate, all relationships lose their romance to some extent as you slip into the comfort zone. Dont get me wrong, im still romantic at times, but not nearly as much as i was for the first year. I know loads of blokes with kids who have found things improved by once a month having a date night, baby sitter or stay at grandparents and have a romantic night. some found it so tempting to stay in with a takeaway due to being tired or just a break from kids but ended up falling asleep or having an early night but going out was far much sucessfull. We do exactly that mate, maybe twice a month. We pick a night and go to the cinema or out for a nice meal, or even just down the pub on our own or with friends. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
irreverentad Posted March 21, 2012 Author Share Posted March 21, 2012 I know loads of blokes with kids who have found things improved by once a month having a date night, baby sitter or stay at grandparents and have a romantic night. some found it so tempting to stay in with a takeaway due to being tired or just a break from kids but ended up falling asleep or having an early night but going out was far much sucessfull. I don't think that would help...sicko! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
b6bloke Posted March 21, 2012 Share Posted March 21, 2012 I know loads of blokes with kids who have found things improved by once a month having a date night, baby sitter or stay at grandparents and have a romantic night. some found it so tempting to stay in with a takeaway due to being tired or just a break from kids but ended up falling asleep or having an early night but going out was far much sucessfull. I don't think that would help...sicko! Why whos your grandad? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
irreverentad Posted March 21, 2012 Author Share Posted March 21, 2012 I know loads of blokes with kids who have found things improved by once a month having a date night, baby sitter or stay at grandparents and have a romantic night. some found it so tempting to stay in with a takeaway due to being tired or just a break from kids but ended up falling asleep or having an early night but going out was far much sucessfull. I don't think that would help...sicko! Why whos your grandad? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
b6bloke Posted March 21, 2012 Share Posted March 21, 2012 Exxxxactly... the real question is, how do you keep the magic going after the first year. Need to figure that one out before the problem arises. There are loads of ways, the very fact that you are thinking about it is a start. The best gestures cost **** all, the love letter one blew my other half out the water and she did it back and we have kept that going for ages now and I dont mean every week. If the flowers one is expensive just by a single rose and when you leave in the morning leave it on the pillow next to her for when she wakes up. It is easy to slip in complacency in any relationship and even more so if kids are involved, at 42 I know where I had messed up at other times and decided to do something different. Jesus, B6. I never had you down for 42! You have never had me down sir!!! 43 in April!!!! Only old as the woman you feel and mine is 37. Phew! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CarewsEyebrowDesigner Posted March 21, 2012 Share Posted March 21, 2012 i think this 'magic' in a relationship is a myth. yes, the initial excitement is hard to mantain, but there is nothing wrong with that, it's just what heppens naturally. i'm aways suspicious of people who need a constant spark or excitement. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lapal_fan Posted March 21, 2012 Share Posted March 21, 2012 yeah but you like reading... Thats what the CINEMA's FOR STOOPID! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
b6bloke Posted March 21, 2012 Share Posted March 21, 2012 i think this 'magic' in a relationship is a myth. yes, the initial excitement is hard to mantain, but there is nothing wrong with that, it's just what heppens naturally. i'm aways suspicious of people who need a constant spark or excitement. Sounds like you are justifying boredom, life is meant to be enjoyed, you want to do that with your partner so why not keep it alive. I refuse to slag off other peoples relationships because its horses for courses but I want to, my gf wants to so why the hell not Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CarewsEyebrowDesigner Posted March 21, 2012 Share Posted March 21, 2012 eh? boredom has nothing to do with it. you can have a good life without this made-up need to spice things up. it's as though people live by a narrative. get together, have lots of sex, have fun, get married, have more sex, have kids, have less sex, get bored, have some adventurous sex you read about in a magazine, lose interest and either see out your days miserable or get divorced and do it al again. my point was simply that it doesn't have to be like that. if you are right for each other, you wont need to find ways to keep the magic there, because it will just be. the state of just being is underrated. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wiggyrichard Posted March 21, 2012 Share Posted March 21, 2012 if you are right for each other, you wont need to find ways to keep the magic there, because it will just be. This part i agree with. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mjvilla Posted March 23, 2012 Share Posted March 23, 2012 An update to my situation.... Obviously you all know that I recently split with the long-term girlfriend... and I was having a rough time. I done everything everyone told me and it has started to ease. Today, at work, People commented on how they could see I was starting to look happier. Thanks for all the great advice. So, here's the kicker.... She messaged me today saying how hard she is finding it. There was no invitation to meet up, no suggestion of getting back together... just to tell me she was finding it hard and how she keeps thinking about 'what we've thrown away'. What's everyones opinion?? And before you say DHUTWU, it's already been done on many occasions so that's not the answer!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CI Posted March 23, 2012 Share Posted March 23, 2012 Blank her Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LincsVilla Posted March 23, 2012 Share Posted March 23, 2012 Sounds like she's a headfuck. Winds me up when girls do that, you start sorting it, then BANG a message from nowhere and **** everything up. I'd try to ignore it, you've broken up once if you go back it'll only need to more heartache when it happens again. Just carry on the way you were. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Milfner Posted March 23, 2012 Share Posted March 23, 2012 DHUTWU? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lapal_fan Posted March 23, 2012 Share Posted March 23, 2012 Do Her Up The Wrong'Un. Tough call mate, you gotta' do what you gotta' do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MCU Posted March 23, 2012 Share Posted March 23, 2012 Sounds like she's a headfuck. Winds me up when girls do that, you start sorting it, then BANG a message from nowhere and **** everything up. I'd try to ignore it, you've broken up once if you go back it'll only need to more heartache when it happens again. Just carry on the way you were. Sounds about right! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NurembergVillan Posted March 23, 2012 Moderator Share Posted March 23, 2012 An update to my situation.... Obviously you all know that I recently split with the long-term girlfriend... and I was having a rough time. I done everything everyone told me and it has started to ease. Today, at work, People commented on how they could see I was starting to look happier. Thanks for all the great advice. So, here's the kicker.... She messaged me today saying how hard she is finding it. There was no invitation to meet up, no suggestion of getting back together... just to tell me she was finding it hard and how she keeps thinking about 'what we've thrown away'. What's everyones opinion?? And before you say DHUTWU, it's already been done on many occasions so that's not the answer!!! Apologies as I've not seen your previous posts about this so not sure how closely your situation tallies with my experiences. I had a similar situation when I was leaving Germany. I'd been with my gf for 7 years and we were about to move from Nuremberg to Amsterdam when she left me. Even though I wanted to be free of her, and had for a long time, it was still traumatic but I moved on went back to England for a few weeks before I'd return to Germany and move my stuff to Amsterdam. The day before I was due to go back she mailed me in a similar manner to that which has happened to you. Mentally I'd checked out of the relationship but met up with her and she told me she really wanted to get back together. I didn't want to but didn't have the guts to say No, in the same way I didn't leave the relationship before she did. I moved to Amsterdam without her but dallied for weeks about whether to get back with her or not. I ended up in a worse condition than when I'd first broken up with her. It was a mess and suffered from a severe depression. It almost cost me my career. There's always a reason why a relationship ends, and during the period you're single you find reasons why the relationship shouldn't restart. Draw on them and draw a line under it. Don't even entertain being friends with her unless you're certain that you can control the situation. If not then you're in real danger of getting hurt again, but worse. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sonic_bouma Posted March 25, 2012 Share Posted March 25, 2012 Sounds like she's a headfuck. Winds me up when girls do that, you start sorting it, then BANG a message from nowhere and **** everything up. I'd try to ignore it, you've broken up once if you go back it'll only need to more heartache when it happens again. Just carry on the way you were. agree with this..if the relationship is well and truly over then it is incredibly unfair for her to have text you that.....its a classic case of her needing reassurance that your hurting as well.... my ex used to do that....we'd agree not to have contact and then a week later just coz shed gone out and got pissed she thought it meant she could text me a soppy message at 3am about 'missing us'..... honestly mate as hard as it is..do not under any circumstances let her moments of weakness undo the strength you have shown Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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