News story of the day

[choffer]

Don't know if we've had a thread before to post your favourite news stories but I stumbled across this one today and thought I'd share for the sheer WTF factor.

Razor Sharp?

FL Highway Patrol: Driver lacked razor-sharp focus

BY ADAM LINHARDT Citizen Staff

alinhardt@keysnews.com

As authorities nationwide warn motorists of the dangers of driving while texting, Florida Keys law enforcement officers add a new caution: Don't try to shave your privates, either.

Florida Highway Patrol troopers say a two-vehicle crash Tuesday at Mile Marker 21 on Cudjoe Key was caused by a 37-year-old woman driver who was shaving her bikini area while her ex-husband took the wheel from the passenger seat.

"She said she was meeting her boyfriend in Key West and wanted to be ready for the visit," Trooper Gary Dunick said. "If I wasn't there, I wouldn't have believed it. About 10 years ago I stopped a guy in the exact same spot ... who had three or four syringes sticking out of his arm. It was just surreal and I thought, 'Nothing will ever beat this.' Well, this takes it."

If that weren't enough, Megan Mariah Barnes was not supposed to be driving and her 1995 Ford Thunderbird was not supposed to be on the road.

The day before the wreck, Barnes was convicted in an Upper Keys court of DUI with a prior and driving with a suspended license, said Monroe County Assistant State Attorney Colleen Dunne. Barnes was ordered to impound her car, and her driver's license was revoked for five years, after which time she must have a Breathalyzer ignition interlock device on any vehicle she drives, Dunne said. Barnes also was sentenced to nine months' probation.

Barnes and Charles Judy were southbound in her Thunderbird at 11 a.m. when they slammed into the back of a 2006 Chevrolet pickup driven by David Schoff of Palm Bay. His passengers were a man and two women; the latter were treated for minor injuries at Lower Keys Medical Center, FHP spokesman Alex Annunziato said.

Schoff had slowed to about 5 mph to make a turn when the Thunderbird hit him, traveling about 45 mph, which was within the speed limit, Dunick said.

Barnes allegedly drove another half-mile, then switched seats with Judy, who allegedly claimed to be driving, Annunziato said.

"She jumps in the back seat and he moves over," Dunick said. "It was like the old comedy bit, 'Who's on first?' "

Burns on Judy's chest from the passenger-side airbag deploying belied their story, Dunick said. The airbag in the steering wheel did not deploy, he said.

Troopers charged Barnes with driving with a revoked license, reckless driving, leaving the scene of a wreck with injuries and driving with no insurance. Judy was not charged.

Barnes faces a maximum of a year in jail if found guilty of violating her probation due to the wreck, Dunne said.

[chrisp65]

ah we've all been there!

if I had 50p for every time I've nearly run off the road shaving around me nudger

[Meath_Villan]

Whew that was a close shave ......huh...huh ???

[rjw63]

Certainly beats politics :-)

[leviramsey]

There's a reason that Carl Hiaasen's tales of craziness are set in South Florida.

[The_Rev]

Smooth criminal.

[Gingerlad]

I cant be arsed to think of a joke so I'll cut cut to the punchline...

'Contstable'

[Phumfeinz]

Where were they going that was so important that it required her to shave her vagina right there?

Which begs the question why didn't she do it before they left the house?

[The_Rev]

I'm guessing she was running late. You've seen women do their hair or makeup at the traffic lights, perhaps this lady just decided to take that concept to its logical conclusion.

[Phumfeinz]

Hair or make-up would be a neccessity, but a little stubble in the nether regions not so much. She must be a poledancer.

[The_Rev]

But the article says she was meeting her boyfriend and "wanted to be ready" for a bloody good seeing to.

[Phumfeinz]

Oh ok I didn't read the article.

She had her ex-husband hold the wheel whilst she shaved her vag enroute to meeting her boyfriend. Real classy lady that one.

[leviramsey]

Virginian man turns guinea pig into toupee

A town man has been charged with animal cruelty for skinning a guinea pig and making a head ornament out of it.

Charles Woodson, 40, of 405 E. Criser Road, Apt. 301, remains free on a $2,500 personal recognizance bond pending a March 23 return in Warren County General District Court.

If convicted of the class 1 misdemeanor, Woodson faces a maximum punishment of 12 months in jail and a $2,500 fine.

Animal control officer Gerald L. Cubbage says in a criminal complaint form on file in court records that Woodson purchased the guinea pig from Noah's Ark Pet & Aquarium store in Front Royal.

"Charles Woodson was seen by neighbors wearing the skin of a guinea pig on his head," Cubbage says in the complaint form.

Woodson was arrested by Deputy Jim Petty on March 1 and charged with committing animal cruelty on Feb. 1, according to the arrest warrant.

Deputy Laura L. Gomez, who is also assigned to animal control, worked with Cubbage on the investigation of Woodson. Gomez says in a search warrant inventory and return on file in Circuit Court that authorities seized a "black/golden guinea pig hide including head," and the "leg to small animal" from Woodson's residence.

Gomez goes on to say in the affidavit for the search warrant that the residence to search was located in the Royal Arms Apartments on Criser Road.

"Front door is dark in color with multiple religious documents affixed to it: one item a poster having a female holding a child and three men facing female in poster," Gomez says. "Another document stating Catholic discussion group, to far left additional document religious in nature and another at bottom of center of door."

Gomez says that "two witnesses" produced a photo of a male wearing the guinea pig on his head.

"Deputy Cubbage personally witnessed the male subject wearing this head piece and exiting this residence," Gomez states.

In a Wednesday telephone interview, Gomez said it was important for authorities to act swiftly.

"Our concern is that it would escalate and we don't want the public to think it's OK to purchase pets from a pet store and make clothing out of them," she said.

Commonwealth's Attorney Brian M. Madden says in a Wednesday e-mail to the Daily that the statute that Woodson is charge under "applies to any animal."

Gomez said all pets are treated equally under the law.

"Anything that you could consider a companion animal, even down to a reptile," she said. "Animals that you would buy from a pet store. Every call and every situation is different, but animal cruelty is pretty cut and dry."

Woodson's investigation was treated seriously, Gomez said, adding that Woodson was taken for a mental health evaluation.

"Our concern was to find out what was going on in the residence," she said. "It's out of the ordinary to have someone skin a guinea pig and make an ornament out of it."

[Ballybunion_Ice]

I got a sneaky feeling shes not a natural blonde

[sparey16]

looks like a man.

[leviramsey]

The theme for today is underwear.

G-String Assailant on the Loose in New Hampshire

New Hampshire police are searching for a suspect wearing only G-string underwear and a mask who attacked a woman.

A woman in Hooksett told police she was attacked outside her home at about 2 a.m. Sunday. She escaped unharmed.

Police dogs were called to the scene, but they were unable to find the suspect.

Police say the attack is considered an attempted sexual assault and appears to be random.

The suspect is described as a white male between 5-feet-9 inches and 6-feet tall with a muscular upper body.

Pooch panties

An inventive dog lover is changing the world of pet undergarments.

If you didn’t know there was a world of pet undergarments, well, let us introduce you to Neena Pellegrini.

Pellegrini founded “Pants for Dogs” and sells what she calls cummerbunds, panties and thongs. They're basically doggie underwear with a purpose: to provide absorbent protection for dogs that have, shall we say, “dribble” issues. They are like “doggie Depends” with style.

Pellegrini fills hundreds of orders out of her Tacoma, Washington shop for small to large-sized underwear for female dogs and for male dogs. She says they protect floors and rugs from the accidents that happen as a dog ages or has medical problems.

Many of Pelligrini’s customers are owners of female purebreds. She says they use the underwear during dog show season.

[Reality]

New Hampshire police are searching for a suspect wearing only G-string underwear and a mask who attacked a woman.

A woman in Hooksett told police she was attacked outside her home at about 2 a.m. Sunday. She escaped unharmed.

Police dogs were called to the scene, but they were unable to find the suspect.

Police say the attack is considered an attempted sexual assault and appears to be random.

The suspect is described as a white male between 5-feet-9 inches and 6-feet tall with a muscular upper body.

Something is most definitely up here.

An inventive dog lover is changing the world of pet undergarments.

If you didn’t know there was a world of pet undergarments, well, let us introduce you to Neena Pellegrini.

Pellegrini founded “Pants for Dogs” and sells what she calls cummerbunds, panties and thongs. They're basically doggie underwear with a purpose: to provide absorbent protection for dogs that have, shall we say, “dribble” issues. They are like “doggie Depends” with style.

Pellegrini fills hundreds of orders out of her Tacoma, Washington shop for small to large-sized underwear for female dogs and for male dogs. She says they protect floors and rugs from the accidents that happen as a dog ages or has medical problems.

Many of Pelligrini’s customers are owners of female purebreds. She says they use the underwear during dog show season.

Sounds absolutely barking mad.

[leviramsey]

NOTW"]

BUSTY Claire Smedley's boyfriend nearly DIED when she suffocated him with her enormous boobs during sex.

The mum-of-three, who has 40LL breasts, panicked when she lifted them up to find her lover Steven had stopped breathing.

Claire, 27, boasts the second biggest bust in Britain* with her boobs weighing over a stone EACH.

Today in an exclusive video interview she tells how Steven usually loved being smothered by them.

"This time, he started flailing around a bit, but I assumed it was because he was so excited, so I kept going," she said.

"A few minutes later I noticed he'd stopped moving." By then, sales assistant Steven, also 27, was still and appeared to not be breathing.

Claire said: "I was panicking and just about to call 999 when thankfully he started to come round. He was really woozy, like he was in a trance. Then he sort of coughed and sat up. I was so relieved."

Startled Steven - who did not want to be photographed - added: "I did think my time had come.

"I tried to slap her on her arm to get her to stop and get off me but I think she misread the signals.

"The next thing I knew she was sitting over me asking if I was all right. I must have blacked out. It was pretty hair-raising."

Lucky Steven survived his ordeal, but the pair's relationship did not and they split three months ago.

Claire, from Blackpool, said: "After that he went off sex."

She is now single and is planning a career in modelling to turn her giant boobs into genuine assets.

She added: "People think they're public property. Even in a supermarket people come up asking if they can touch them.

"But if they can earn me a few pounds maybe some good will come out of them."

*40M Donna Jones, 26, of Milton Keynes, has Britain's biggest bust.

I guess there are worse ways to depart this mortal coil.

[YLN]

^^ I'm sceptical as to the whole thing. A girl looking to make a name for herself in modelling rings up NOTW to tell them a boob related to story in order to get her name out there. Her ex-bf probably goes along with it, for his day in the sun or for some other end. From the looks of her, she'll need all the help she can get for her modelling career to take off.

All I know is that if I was being smothered during sex, I would locate the girls face, and begin punching until one of us was unconscious.

[BOF]

Little fat bastards don't like being called 'obese'

Liverpool City Council considers 'obesity' word ban

"Obesity" is an offensive word, say Liverpool schoolchildren

Liverpool City Council is to consider banning the word obesity in its literature aimed at children.

The Liverpool Schools Parliament has asked for the description "unhealthy weight" to be used instead.

The 90 nine to 11-year-olds believe that obesity is offensive and may de-motivate overweight children.

A council spokesman said that the proposal would be considered after it invited ideas for its Children and Young People's Plan (CYPP).

It could be adopted as part of official strategies to improve children's lives in the city over the next two years.

"We can't change government terminology or clinicians' terminology, but we can look at changing how we communicate weight issues in council reports and in our communications with children," said the spokesman.

The proposal would be considered over the next two months, he said.

The Liverpool Schools Parliament represents the views of schoolchildren across the city and is consulted by the city council on youth issues.