tomzep Posted June 12, 2009 Share Posted June 12, 2009 Dinbun you mean Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nigel Posted June 12, 2009 VT Supporter Share Posted June 12, 2009 I hate myself for writing this shite, but im gonna anyway... I got told last night that there's an email going round with the subject 'swine flu warning - 'avoid tinned pork products'. don't open it.... it's spam. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dale Posted June 12, 2009 Share Posted June 12, 2009 ouch Nigel, that was awful... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nigel Posted June 12, 2009 VT Supporter Share Posted June 12, 2009 I did put a warning on it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dale Posted June 12, 2009 Share Posted June 12, 2009 ouch Nigel, that was awful... I did put a warning on it Ah indeed.... How about this: I rang NHS direct the other day as I was a little worried about Swine Flu, all I got was a load of crackling. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nigel Posted June 12, 2009 VT Supporter Share Posted June 12, 2009 ouch Nigel, that was awful... I did put a warning on it Ah indeed.... How about this: I rang NHS direct the other day as I was a little worried about Swine Flu, all I got was a load of crackling. Not only is that shite its I say old bean, I think we've seen this somewhere before! shite! Hang your head in shame (Edit...like the word filter! ) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stevo985 Posted June 17, 2009 VT Supporter Share Posted June 17, 2009 A family were travelling back from their holiday by car and ended up behind an Anne Summers' truck on the motorway. The truck in front hit a bump and a dildo flew out and hit the car's windshield before bouncing away down the motorway. To hide the embarassment, the mother said "Wow, that was a big insect!" to which the son replied "I'm surprised it could fly with a cock that big! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stevo985 Posted June 17, 2009 VT Supporter Share Posted June 17, 2009 Two men get very drunk one night and decide to visit a brothel to get their end away. On arrival, the Madame takes one look at them and says to her assistant "Go and put an inflatable doll in room 1 and another in room 2, these guys are so drunk they won't notice what they're shagging." So the guys go and have a good time and then leave. As they're walking home one turns to the other and says "I think my girl was dead you know! She just lay there not moving when I was shagging her!" "O yeh? Well I think my one was a witch!" said the other bloke. "A wtch?!?! What makes you say that?" "Well when I gave her a little bite on the arse, she farted in my face and then flew out of the window!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whitsend Posted June 17, 2009 Share Posted June 17, 2009 One day the elephant at Dudley zoo fell very sick and it was agreed by the zoo keepers that he should spend his final days with some dignity. So it was decided that the elephant should be transported back to the african plains so that he could seek out an elephant graved yard to die in, as all elephants outside captivity do. On arival in Africa the elephant was released but for the whole of the first day he just stood there seemingly not knowing what to do. Night fell and the sun rose again but still the elephant just stood there until a hyena came racing up to him. The hyena turned to the elephant and said “have you come here to die” the elephant replied “nah sport i came here yesterdi” Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kalim_a Posted June 17, 2009 Share Posted June 17, 2009 Q: What's difference between men's & women's cricket? A: In men's cricket there is a short leg between two legs & in women's there is a deep gully between two legs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kalim_a Posted June 17, 2009 Share Posted June 17, 2009 A 54-year-old accountant leaves a letter for his wife one evening which read: "Dear Wife, I am 54 years old, and by the time you get this letter I will be at the Grand Hotel with my beautiful and sexy eighteen year old secretary." When he arrived at the hotel, there was a letter waiting for him that read as follows: "Dear Husband, I too am 54 years old, and by the time you receive this letter I will be at the Savoy Hotel with my eighteen year old toy boy. Because you are an accountant, you will surely appreciate that 18 goes into 54 many more times than 54 goes into 18." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kalim_a Posted June 17, 2009 Share Posted June 17, 2009 A young woman had been taking golf lessons all week long. She'd just begun her first game of golf when she suffered a bee sting. Her pain was so intense, she couldn't continue her game. She decided to go back to the clubhouse and get some medical attention. Her golf Pro saw her enter the clubhouse and asked, "Why are you back so soon?" What's wrong?" "I was stung by a bee," she answered. "Where?," he asked. "Between the first and second holes," she replied. He nodded his head knowingly and said, "Then your stance is too wide." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kalim_a Posted June 17, 2009 Share Posted June 17, 2009 A man walks out of a bar, stumbling back and forth with a key in his hand. A cop on the beat sees him, and approaches, “Can I help you, sir?” “Yesssh! Sssshomebody ssshtole my car!” the man replies. The cop asks, “Where was your car the last time you saw it?” “It wasssh at the end of thisssh key!” the man replies, logically, if a bit too literally. About this time the cop looks down to see that the man’s member is being exhibited for all the world to see. He asks the man, “Sir, are you aware that you are exposing yourself?” The man looks down woefully and without missing a beat, moans, “OHHH GOD . . . they got my girlfriend too!!!” Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Qwpzxjor1 Posted June 17, 2009 Share Posted June 17, 2009 Q: What's difference between men's & women's cricket? A: In men's cricket there is a short leg between two legs & in women's there is a deep gully between two legs. That's just cramming cricketing terms into a sentence for innuendo, but it makes no sense. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wol. Posted June 17, 2009 Share Posted June 17, 2009 Explosion at a pie factory in Huddersfield. 3.14159265 dead. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wol. Posted June 17, 2009 Share Posted June 17, 2009 My wife came home from work crying yesterday and asked me to console her. So I hit her over the head with my Xbox. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The_Rev Posted June 17, 2009 Share Posted June 17, 2009 Woah, Wol is joking like its 1999! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wol. Posted June 17, 2009 Share Posted June 17, 2009 Woah, Wol is joking like its 1999! whats up mate? got some sand in your choo choo ! -- Real Madrid want their 80 million back from Man United as they were apparently unaware that an irritating word removed comes as standard after a Brazilian .... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The_Rev Posted June 17, 2009 Share Posted June 17, 2009 Nah, just bored of typing "I say old bean, I think we've seen this somewhere before!" (and yeah, both of those jokes are pretty old.) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
villa_shere Posted June 17, 2009 Share Posted June 17, 2009 "A wtch?!?! What makes you say that?" "Well when I gave her a little bite on the arse, she farted in my face and then flew out of the window!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts