Nigel Posted July 12, 2010 VT Supporter Share Posted July 12, 2010 Get over here in the slow kids corner Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ikantcpell Posted July 12, 2010 Share Posted July 12, 2010 A Scotsman, an Englishman and an Aussie are having a drink in America. “You know", says the Scotsman: "I still prefer the pubs back home. In Glasgow there's a little bar called McTavish's. Now the landlord there goes out of his way for the locals so much that when you buy four drinks he will buy the fifth one for you." "Well", says the Englishman: "at my local pub, the Red Lion, the barman there will buy you your third drink after you buy the first two." "Ahhhhh, that's nothing," says the Aussie: "Back home in Sydney there's Bruce's Bar. Now the moment you set foot in the place they'll buy you a drink, then another, all the drinks you like. Then when you've had enough drinks they'll take you upstairs and see that you get laid, and it is all on the house." The Englishman and Scotsman immediately scorn the Aussie's claims. But the Aussie swears every word is true. "Well," says the Englishman: "has this actually happened to you?" "Not me personally," says the Aussie: "But it did happen to my sister Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ikantcpell Posted July 12, 2010 Share Posted July 12, 2010 A guy walks into a bar, sits down next to another fellow and immediately notices that the guy has a very large disposable Bic cigarette lighter. The first guy says: "Wow, cool lighter. Where did you get it?" The second guy replies: "A genie from a bottle granted me one wish." "Great, can I try it?" the first guy asks. "Sure," the second guy replies. The first guy rubs the bottle and the genie appears. "You are granted one wish," says the genie. The first guy says: "I want a million bucks!" "Done," says the genie and disappears. A few minutes go by, and suddenly the bar door swings open and thousands and thousands of ducks start pouring in. "I can't believe this," says the first guy: "I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks!" The second guy turns to him and says: "Do you really think I wished for a 12-inch Bic? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MCU Posted July 13, 2010 Share Posted July 13, 2010 What's the difference between JLS and Futurama? There's only one Bender in Futurama. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amsterdam_Neil_D Posted July 13, 2010 Share Posted July 13, 2010 A guy walks into a bar, sits down next to another fellow and immediately notices that the guy has a very large disposable Bic cigarette lighter. The first guy says: "Wow, cool lighter. Where did you get it?" The second guy replies: "A genie from a bottle granted me one wish." "Great, can I try it?" the first guy asks. "Sure," the second guy replies. The first guy rubs the bottle and the genie appears. "You are granted one wish," says the genie. The first guy says: "I want a million bucks!" "Done," says the genie and disappears. A few minutes go by, and suddenly the bar door swings open and thousands and thousands of ducks start pouring in. "I can't believe this," says the first guy: "I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks!" The second guy turns to him and says: "Do you really think I wished for a 12-inch Bic? It works better with a 12 inch pianist with a little piano, geezer puts him on the bar and he plays a tune....then same as above. Lighters are common so it needs the diversion imho. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gingerlad Posted July 13, 2010 Share Posted July 13, 2010 To me, a bic is a razor. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nigel Posted July 13, 2010 VT Supporter Share Posted July 13, 2010 What's the difference between JLS and Futurama? There's only one Bender in Futurama. That tickled me! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyh29 Posted July 13, 2010 Share Posted July 13, 2010 What's the difference between JLS and Futurama? There's only one Bender in Futurama. clearly the person on Sickipedia that wrote that gag has never seen Bender's Big Score :winkold: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mjmooney Posted July 14, 2010 VT Supporter Share Posted July 14, 2010 To me, a bic is a razor.To me it's a ball-point pen. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jon Posted July 14, 2010 Share Posted July 14, 2010 To me, a bic is a razor.To me it's a ball-point pen. to me, it's on of Gareth's kids. Daddy Bickster and all the little bics! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thecraft Posted July 14, 2010 Share Posted July 14, 2010 What do you call a pointless race that covers 2,200 miles throughout France? The french. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BOF Posted July 14, 2010 Moderator Share Posted July 14, 2010 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
villahero Posted July 14, 2010 Share Posted July 14, 2010 The Nigerian goalkeeper has promised to refund any supporter that went to the world cup in South Africa..............all he needs is your address and bank details Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
villahero Posted July 14, 2010 Share Posted July 14, 2010 ' Greggs 'the bakers have invented a spicy new snack...It has a touch of ginger, is thick and meaty and blows your head off....it's called the ' sausage raoul ' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted July 17, 2010 Share Posted July 17, 2010 I had to ring up the Walkers customer care line earlier as there was a crisp in my pack of ready salted air. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted July 17, 2010 Share Posted July 17, 2010 I came home drunk last night, crept up the stairs, slowly got into bed and then started to rub my wife's cock. That's when I thought, 'I don't even live at number 15'. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
villahero Posted July 18, 2010 Share Posted July 18, 2010 Where's my joke gone ?... The thread says " enter at own risk " and theres jokes on here about dead babies yet mine gets deleted and it was only about a shaved Vag !!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
villahero Posted July 18, 2010 Share Posted July 18, 2010 and it was funny too Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jon Posted July 18, 2010 Share Posted July 18, 2010 well stick it back up then, so to speak! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BOF Posted July 20, 2010 Moderator Share Posted July 20, 2010 Or, really, don't. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts