V01

Getting pissed of peeling an orange, googling to see if there's an easier way and getting distracted over whether the flesh or inner peel is the mesocarp. Stop reading and eat your damn fruit. You could say it takes the pith...

FTFY

Politely asking a guy who parked on the ambulance to move his car so ait was clear for any ambulances that might arrive only to be ignored then seeing some instant karma as an ambulance blocked him in.

My daily weigh in was 0.5 kg lower than yesterday despite stuffing my face again yesterday. Taken me back above 15st but only just. Going to try to have a good deficit today to make up some of the difference from earlier in the week.

They tested for human flesh but not for cat, dog or rat?!

The diet was sabotaged again today. Called to the control room expecting to grab the master keys and unlock some doors for someone, turns out one of the lads had brought in a load of chicken pakora, katlama and chicken curry. My refusal didn't last long enough for me leave before I demolished a large helping of everything. Came home and there was a plate of chilli waiting for me, absolutely stuffed. I think I've hit the stage where the easy weight has gone and my love of food is winning over my motivation to get rid of this last stone or two.

Father in law went in to hospital on Monday for a heart bypass, the missus has been taking the nipper to school in the morning then going to her mum's/the hospital for the rest of day leaving me to pick the nipper up and take her to her various after school activities. In this time I've managed to catch a cold, definitely blaming the bug factories at the nippers school for that. Today I asked the missus if there was anything on after school today and what's for dinner. She answered in the negative on both accounts so I did myself a couple of sirloin steaks for lunch and defrosted some Chinese style pork steaks for dinner. As I sat there stuffed feeling smug I'd managed to fit these meals under my calorie goal for the day with room for a small lapse in discipline later my mum called to check what time to book the table for after I pick up nipper. I've ended up being 800 calories over after refusing a pudding, on the bright side I really enjoyed my bbq platter and bottle of cider and I had weighed in a whole pound lighter than my weekly average today breaking through the 15st barrier. Oh well I'll be fat a little while longer.

So err, what car do you drive and what time you driving home?!

Can't, Apple stole our 3.5mm jacks!

Who do you these scalpers are?!

Relax Ruge, none of us are gonna date your missus...

I prefer "I don't come down to where you work and slap the dick out of your mouth"

Michael Bond, 91.

No-one mentioning proper british foods like groaty dick or grey pays. Bunch of let downs.

A friend put me on to these guys: Love the video for this one:

Sold

Just ordered a Oneplus 5, gone for 128Gb version. Wifey gets the G5, wonder how many hours it will last in its immaculate condition.

Learning curve is a literal cliff face, but if you can get past that you'll love it.

Most I've done in a session is 25 pints of Guinness, Euro 2004 in the local from open until close. Don't remember much else. Spirits wise I polished off a bottle of JD at home at a little get together and blamed everyone else for drinking it, that was a messy night. Now it's a bit different I barely go out/drink, might have a few bitter shandies or couple of bottles of cider but it hits me when I do.

Knew they came as a duo, couldn't remember his name though.

Beinlich

The missus telling me virgin have been hacked and they're saying everyone needs to change their passwords Having done it I read the actual story and realise it doesn't affect me, it was superhub passwords that needed changing.

Wait, an actual female is willing to have sex with you?!