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If I ruled the world.....


chrisp65
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I'd be an excellent and mostly benign dictator.

Rule 1: No saggy trousers showing boxer shorts.

Rule 2: Free ice cream based products on sunny Friday's for anyone with a proper job (Magnums incur a 20p surcharge). Proper job to be defined by me.

Rule 3: Adopted / adapted from Tony's earlier post elsewhere, take the baseball cap off unless you are a) playing baseball B) special needs

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1) anyone who watches TOWIE will be banished into the wasteland

2) Mainstream and female comedians will be banished to the wasteland

3) Small Heath will be levelled by carpet bombing, fenced in by 100 storey walls, food rationed, border patrolled and be known henceforth as 'the wasteland'.

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Ooohhh, I like this. I've posted many times in the PIss you Off thread about rules i'd have.

Here are a selection

I'd have policemen in every car park, enforcing the rules of the road. Why do people suddenly ignore signs and one way systems when they get into a car park?

Part of this law, however, would be that it's fair game to knock over a pedestrian if they're in the road in a car park. Too many people just wander about in them as if the cars aren't there.

Pushchairs would be banned from public places except for special pushchair hours.

There would be a minimum speed limit on busy public walkways. And no stopping except for allocated stopping spaces.

Talking in public toilets would be outlawed.

Fines for getting caught by a speed camera would be increased, purely to fuel the cost of deploying hundreds of policemen on every motorway, purely to enforce the highway code. Middle/outside lane hogging and undertaking would be priorities.

I'm sure I'll think of lots more

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Rule 3: Adopted / adapted from Tony's earlier post elsewhere, take the baseball cap off unless you are a) playing baseball B) special needs

what should one wear to shelter the eyes from the Sun?

Baseball caps are invaluable during a sunny golf round ....

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Agricultural vehicles not allowed on public roads during morning or evening rush hour. You've plenty of shit you could be spreading at that time.

Pensioners not allowed on public transport during rush hour. You've the rest of the day to buy that tea-cosy you wanted.

Pyjamas should never be seen in public.

I'd have policemen in every carp park
This. The smuggling of unpaid fish from designated farms is crippling the industry.
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...ev'ry day would be the first day of spring

Every heart would have a new song to sing

And we'd sing of the joy every morning would bring

If I ruled the world, ev'ry man would be as free as a bird,

Ev'ry voice would be a voice to be heard

Take my word we would treasure each day that occurred

My world would be a beautiful place

Where we would weave such wonderful dreams

My world would wear a smile on its face

Like the man in the moon has when the moon beams

If I ruled the world every man would say the world was his friend

There'd be happiness that no man coud end

No my friend, not if I ruled the world

Every head would be held up high

There'd be sunshine in everyone's sky

If the day ever dawned when I ruled the world

EDIT: Nah, scratch that. I'd ban hip-hop and slash the price of draught ale.

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Pensioners not allowed on public transport during rush hour. You've the rest of the day to buy that tea-cosy you wanted.

This, but add to it supermarkets and post offices, and extend the prohibited hours to the weekend and 12pm - 2pm weekdays.

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Middle/outside lane hogging and undertaking would be priorities.

Didn't you do this yourself the other day Ben?

Well, yes. But if the police ha dbeen there to stop the guy in front hogging the outside lane for several miles at 60mph then I wouldn't have been forced to ;)

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If you are able to undertake someone, then by definition that person is in the wrong lane and is therefore the person causing the situation. Once you give them ample time and notice to move out of the way and they don't, then go for it I say. It's not a particularly dangerous manouver for even the most moderately developed biped.

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If you are able to undertake someone, then by definition that person is in the wrong lane and is therefore the person causing the situation.

Not sure that's always true.

If there's a few cars waiting to overtake someone on the middle lane, you can often get a queue to do so, meaning there's space in the middle lane to pull up behind the car being overtaken, and undertake the people in the queue.

It's these people that particularly piss me off

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Yeah I mean in the scenario where you want to undertake. It's not a 100% catch-all but you know what I mean. Someone pootling along in a lane they shouldn't be in. Your scenario is a queue of cars about to overtake someone else.

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I see what you mean.

Yes you're right. Essentially, I would only ever undertake someone if my only other choice was to remain behind them going at their pace.

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Anyone who doesn't say thankyou after you let them into traffic (hand up, alternating indicators and hazards for a few flashes are all accepted) is banned from driving for 1 week.

Yep, this is a good one.

Also banned for a week if there's one of those lanes specially for people turning right, and the car turning right doesn't use it.

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