robojoel Posted July 11, 2012 Share Posted July 11, 2012 Is it me or is this becoming a militant 'things that piss you off that shouldn't' thread :/ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CrackpotForeigner Posted July 11, 2012 Share Posted July 11, 2012 People who complain about the direction a thread has taken would be lined up against the wall and shot. After being slow-tortured, obviously. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mjmooney Posted July 11, 2012 VT Supporter Share Posted July 11, 2012 Back on topic:- Umbrellas, anyone who uses one - firing squad, no trialYou're crazy. This is Britain. Where it pisses down all the time. Umbrellas are a bit of a nuisance at times, but totally necessary. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
villaajax Posted July 11, 2012 Share Posted July 11, 2012 Wheels on houses would be worthy of the death penalty. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bickster Posted July 11, 2012 Moderator Share Posted July 11, 2012 Back on topic:- Umbrellas, anyone who uses one - firing squad, no trialYou're crazy. This is Britain. Where it pisses down all the time. Umbrellas are a bit of a nuisance at times, but totally necessary. You won't wash away, get wet and stop slowing me down whilst trying to poke my eye out and taking up more than your allotted space on the pavement. Slightest hint of wind and their useless (and even more dangerous!), rain quite often comes with wind. Umbrellas are the greatest piece of emperors new clothes in technology ever! Grrr I f**king hate umbrellas Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyh29 Posted July 11, 2012 Share Posted July 11, 2012 I'd stop all state funding of art or art 'installations'. I loves a bit of art me, but the thought of paying some tit from Guatemala or Belgium or wherever to come over here and interpret modern living through the medium of kites...aargh. Artists are supposed to suffer in the hope of being discovered. Women stopping at the bottom of escalators or in shop doorways can legitimately be pushed over and then you can shout 'see what you made me do?' at them. Boy your good at this... If I rule the world I might just step down and give you the job , long as you promise to give me a nice juicy pension to live off Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spoony Posted July 11, 2012 Share Posted July 11, 2012 Everyone must have a walking licence. If you stop and stand outside of the designated 'viewing zone' outside a shop window or stop to chat outside of a designated 'chatting zone', then you are liable to be clamped and towed with 3 endorsements added to your walking licence. Slow walking without cause (such as disability or old age) is a £60 fixed charge. Loss of a walking licence requires you to undergo further walking practice at your own expense and you will not be allowed to walk on high streets until you are deemed a fit and proper walker. If you are drunk, then you are exempt from these rules but people are allowed to shove you out of the way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LockStockVilla Posted July 12, 2012 Share Posted July 12, 2012 Back on topic:- Umbrellas, anyone who uses one - firing squad, no trialYou're crazy. This is Britain. Where it pisses down all the time. Umbrellas are a bit of a nuisance at times, but totally necessary. You won't wash away, get wet and stop slowing me down whilst trying to poke my eye out and taking up more than your allotted space on the pavement. Slightest hint of wind and their useless (and even more dangerous!), rain quite often comes with wind. Umbrellas are the greatest piece of emperors new clothes in technology ever! Grrr I f**king hate umbrellas I'd have to agree, I will get absolutely soaked by the rain if it means not carrying around an umbrella and looking like a huge clearing in the woods Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bickster Posted July 12, 2012 Moderator Share Posted July 12, 2012 Umbrellas slow peoples walking speed considerably but normal slowtards are navigable, those with defensive umbrella shields are far more difficult to circumnavigate at speed. And when its raining I want speed Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LockStockVilla Posted July 12, 2012 Share Posted July 12, 2012 I suppose there could be a compromise and individuals must go to umbrella school and obtain an umbrella license in order to carry one out in public. And of course there will be sizing restrictions in place. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tomzep Posted July 12, 2012 Share Posted July 12, 2012 Back on topic:- Umbrellas, anyone who uses one - firing squad, no trialYou're crazy. This is Britain. Where it pisses down all the time. Umbrellas are a bit of a nuisance at times, but totally necessary. You won't wash away, get wet and stop slowing me down whilst trying to poke my eye out and taking up more than your allotted space on the pavement. Slightest hint of wind and their useless (and even more dangerous!), rain quite often comes with wind. Umbrellas are the greatest piece of emperors new clothes in technology ever! Grrr I f**king hate umbrellas Living somewhere with a monsoon season quickly changes peoples opinions about umbrellas. You would find yourself pretty ill pretty quick without one, plus the drowned rat look is never good. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyh29 Posted July 12, 2012 Share Posted July 12, 2012 Unless you are Mary Poppins then umbrellas shouldn't be used in any circumstance ever Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mjmooney Posted July 12, 2012 VT Supporter Share Posted July 12, 2012 Well all I can say is, a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jon Posted July 12, 2012 Share Posted July 12, 2012 Unless you are Mary Poppins then umbrellas shouldn't be used in any circumstance ever Agreed on umbrellas. Never really ever used one. Coats, Hoods etc, fine - umbrella - No! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mjmooney Posted July 12, 2012 VT Supporter Share Posted July 12, 2012 Obviously a macho thing. Like the "Real men don't have a bell on their bicycle" phenomenon. However, robojoel is right, this is for the "Piss you off" thread. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pelle Posted July 12, 2012 Share Posted July 12, 2012 People involved in traficking and paedos would be slowly tortured 12 hours a day untill they die. Rapists will get their balls cut whilst away and then cut in the belly and be left to die in a cold cell. Oh, and the worlds national Anthem would be Bohemian Rhapsody. :nod: And if I wanted a player to play for Villa, he'd play for Villa. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shillzz Posted July 12, 2012 Share Posted July 12, 2012 Sex pests to be left to die you say Pelle? Well, Off-topic sure would be a lot quieter. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PussEKatt Posted July 12, 2012 Share Posted July 12, 2012 I would remodel the prisons.Instead of the prisons we have now which are modelled on holiday resorts and expensive hotels I would model prisons oh the german WW II prisner of war camps.There would be special prisons for repeat offenders, these would be modelled on the russian siberian salt mines models. The punishment for rape or beating up and robbing aged people would be 20 years minimum with the first year spent in the special section set aside for male gays. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jezza Posted July 12, 2012 Share Posted July 12, 2012 Artists who produce "art" that looks like shit will automatically be forced to eat said shit. The nobs who think that blowing a vuvuzela extremely loudly at football matches should have said instrument inserted where the sun don't shine. Vegetarians should be forced to watch me eat steak. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EastEndVillan Posted July 12, 2012 Share Posted July 12, 2012 Where does one start! Firstly I would deliberately make the population temporarily infertile, presume some sort of chemical/hormone applied to the water system. Any prospective parents would then have to apply to the licensing authority, me, to have a have a temporary antibody, to enable them to procreate. Conditions for procreation would be able based on the financial/emotional/intelligence of the prospective applicants. This should prevent the Jeremy Kyle audience/participants from endlessly breading and leaving the state to pick up the pieces/cost. Secondly, all equipment in gyms to have some sort of dynamo fitted to them, which when the machines are used creates electricity which can be pumped back into nation grid. So much wasted energy there. All new buildings must be built with Solar panels, why would you not, just make it a default planning condition. All inconsiderate drivers should be blown up by guided missiles when driving badly, this includes my neighbour who can't park for sh1te, who manage to take up the space for 3 cars when she parks. Haven't quite worked out the delivery mechanism on this one yet, or how all drivers can be monitored simultaneously. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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