rjw63 Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 A young, very attractive Swedish girl was massaging his shoulders, then his chest, and gradually worked her way down his torso. The guy was getting sexually excited as the masseur approached the towel. The towel began to lift and the Swedish girl arched her eyebrows. "You wanna wank?" she asked. "You bet" came the excited reply. "Okay" she said "I come back in ten minutes". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rodders Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 haha, the filter makes that funnier Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ingram85 Posted August 12, 2011 Share Posted August 12, 2011 Terrible joke alert! Just saw a chav running off with an armfull of chicken tikka masala and pilau rice. Think he got confused when his mates said they were robbing curry's. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maloneyt Posted August 12, 2011 Share Posted August 12, 2011 stolen off a mates facebook the riots in tottenham started because harry redknap declared his interest in emile heskey the riots in birmingham started because he changed his mind Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ingram85 Posted August 15, 2011 Share Posted August 15, 2011 Why did the Scarecrow get an award? Because he was outstanding in his field. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GarethRDR Posted August 15, 2011 Share Posted August 15, 2011 How do you turn a duck into a soul singer? Put it in the microwave until it's Bill Withers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bickster Posted August 15, 2011 Moderator Share Posted August 15, 2011 What do you call a prostitute with a runny nose? Full Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GarethRDR Posted August 15, 2011 Share Posted August 15, 2011 Niiiiice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theunderstudy Posted August 15, 2011 Share Posted August 15, 2011 What goes brown, brown, brown, brown, red? A hamster in a blender. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CrackpotForeigner Posted August 19, 2011 Share Posted August 19, 2011 Women? Children? Avert thine eyes... So these two undertakers are working late. One undertaker says to the other "Christ, we had this woman come in the other night, had a clit on her like a gherkin." Other undertaker says "Oh come on, couldn't have been THAT big." First undertaker says "That big? No - that SOUR." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
harris21 Posted August 19, 2011 Share Posted August 19, 2011 Women? Children? Avert thine eyes... So these two undertakers are working late. One undertaker says to the other "Christ, we had this woman come in the other night, had a clit on her like a gherkin." Other undertaker says "Oh come on, couldn't have been THAT big." First undertaker says "That big? No - that SOUR." :shock: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CrackpotForeigner Posted August 19, 2011 Share Posted August 19, 2011 :shock: Well, obviously. I tried to warn you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CarewsEyebrowDesigner Posted August 19, 2011 Share Posted August 19, 2011 I don't see the problem, Gerkins are alright. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted September 2, 2011 Share Posted September 2, 2011 By the time I had finished I was out of breath, dripping with sweat and my skin was sticky to the touch. Standing up I caught a glimpse of my bright red face in the mirror. I was satisfied and I could tell by the look on her face that she was impressed with my performance. As I lit up a cigarette I said to her "That, my love... is how a real man finishes a vindaloo". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted September 2, 2011 Share Posted September 2, 2011 A friend of mine has just told me he's shagging his girlfriend and her twin. I asked, "How can you tell them apart?" He said "Her brother has a moustache". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted September 2, 2011 Share Posted September 2, 2011 I met a girl in the park last night. We got chatting, and things were going well, so I thought I'd try my luck. I said "Simon says take your top off". Off it came. "Simon says take off your bra". Out came the titties. After I'd groped them for a while I said "Simon says get naked and bend over". I **** her hard up the arse and came inside her. I then pulled up my pants and walked one way, as she ran off the other way, screaming. Its great having a knife called Simon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted September 3, 2011 Share Posted September 3, 2011 I've just whanked myself into Oblivion, the staff at Alton Towers werent pleased. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted September 3, 2011 Share Posted September 3, 2011 Went to a fancy dress shop the other day to get a vampire costume for a party and the girl behind the counter gave me a blues shirt. I said "Sorry love, you mis-heard me. I want to look like a count". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NulliSecundus Posted September 4, 2011 Share Posted September 4, 2011 Lol that last one is quality! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theunderstudy Posted September 4, 2011 Share Posted September 4, 2011 When I was a child, my dad tried to force-feed me. After a while, my mum said, "Just use a **** spoon, Steve. You're not a Jedi." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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