Rodders Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 I was in a nightclub queue when two blokes in front of me started arguing. One guy pushed the other and said, "Four, nine." The other man pushed him back and said, "Sixteen, twenty-five." A bouncer reached for his walkie-talkie and said, "I need some help at the door. We've got a couple of men squaring up." loving this one too only another 100 or so pages more to catch up on! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Milfner Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 I bought Kate McCann's new book. I was going out for dinner that night. Naturally, I didn't want to lose the book, so I took it to the restaurant with me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theunderstudy Posted May 17, 2011 Share Posted May 17, 2011 Went bowling with the missus and she got a couple of strikes. that'll teach her for winning. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theunderstudy Posted May 17, 2011 Share Posted May 17, 2011 So a woman drives into a bar... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted May 17, 2011 Share Posted May 17, 2011 Some 12 year old girl just posted naked pictures of herself on Facebook. I was absolutely appalled. The image quality was shit.! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted May 17, 2011 Share Posted May 17, 2011 I was out with my wife when a young mum and her daughter walked past. The wife saw me admiring her arse and said, "Do you remember when I had a body like that?" "Don't be daft love," I said, still looking, "I didn't know you when you were six." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted May 17, 2011 Share Posted May 17, 2011 I went on a blind date last night and she was asking me lots of questions like "So what sort of things are you interested in, what songs do you like?" Straight away I replied, "I'm a scat man." "Ha ha you're kidding, that's one of the worst songs ever." Puzzled, I asked, "Song?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theunderstudy Posted May 17, 2011 Share Posted May 17, 2011 Police have just named the decapitated woman of Tenerife. Edna Moore. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
juanpabloangel18 Posted May 17, 2011 Share Posted May 17, 2011 McClaren New Jamaica Boss Former England manager Steve McClaren has made a shock move after taking over as head coach of the Jamaican national football team. At a press conference in Kingston, McClaren accused his previous bosses at Wolfsburg of not giving him enough support: "Don talk to me 'bout dem raasclaat Babylon. Man is bumbaclot. They wutless bwowys. I'm just gonna do good 'ere now, Jamaica me new yard. Wa'ppun." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
markc Posted May 17, 2011 Share Posted May 17, 2011 Anyone had any luck with their tickets for the Olympic Stadium? My mate did, he got 55,000 tickets for West Ham v Doncaster!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted May 17, 2011 Share Posted May 17, 2011 Anyone had any luck with their tickets for the Olympic Stadium? My mate did, he got 55,000 tickets for West Ham v Doncaster!! For your 8th post in 6 years, I expected far better! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jim Posted May 17, 2011 Share Posted May 17, 2011 How do you know when a girl is to young for you? When you have to make the aeroplane noise to get you cock in her mouth :shock: The_Jokebook on Twitter just posted it, I was just forwarding the joke. The smiley response made me lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted May 19, 2011 Share Posted May 19, 2011 Apparently it's no longer politically correct to direct a joke at any racial or ethnic minority, so try this one: An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Latvian, a Turk, an Aussie, a German, an American, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Mexican, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Swede, a Finn, an Israeli, a Romanian, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Swiss, a Greek, a Singaporean, an Italian, a Norwegian, an African, a Libyan, a Muslim, a Hindu, a Buddhist, a Christian, and an atheist went to a night Club. The bouncer said, "Sorry, I can't let you in without a Thai." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted May 19, 2011 Share Posted May 19, 2011 I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the ice! At least I presume she was poor - she only had £1.20 in her purse. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
villaajax Posted May 19, 2011 Share Posted May 19, 2011 I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the ice! At least I presume she was poor - she only had £1.20 in her purse. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Risso Posted May 20, 2011 Share Posted May 20, 2011 I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the ice! At least I presume she was poor - she only had £1.20 in her purse. Very good that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theunderstudy Posted May 20, 2011 Share Posted May 20, 2011 Bindunne by me Rob, page 288. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theunderstudy Posted May 20, 2011 Share Posted May 20, 2011 The nationalities joke that is. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted May 20, 2011 Share Posted May 20, 2011 :-( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LancsVillan Posted May 20, 2011 Moderator Share Posted May 20, 2011 Chinese shopkeepers in Tenerife should really learn English , the poor woman said DECAFFEINATED !!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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