dappadan Posted March 26, 2009 Share Posted March 26, 2009 Just seen this on facebook The post office has just recalled there latest stamps,they had photos of Birmingham City players on them- Folk couldn't work out what side to spit on But probably the funny bit for me is a response that must be from a nose this is word for word "wot av u an martin oneill got in common mate both av shits lol" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gingerlad Posted March 30, 2009 Share Posted March 30, 2009 I went to an STD clinic the other day and all the girls in the waiting room looked filthy! I thought to myself, "I wish my girlfriend was as dirty as some of these girls". Then I remembered, she was, and that's why I was here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gingerlad Posted March 30, 2009 Share Posted March 30, 2009 Ivory Coast 5, Malawi 0. Ivory Coast fans were "Over the Moon". Malawi fans were said to be "Crushed". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cizzler Posted March 30, 2009 Share Posted March 30, 2009 Other African World Cup Qualifier scores... Egypt 8 - Ethiopia didn't ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
macmahonjames Posted March 31, 2009 Share Posted March 31, 2009 Apparently Drogba caused that stampede...... And I thought he'd been warned about throwing coins into the crowd Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brumerican Posted March 31, 2009 Share Posted March 31, 2009 A woman brings eight-year-old Johnny home and tells his mother that he was caught playing doctors and nurses with Mary, her eight-year-old daughter. Johnny's mother says, "Let's not be too harsh on them.... they are bound to be curious about sex at that age." "Curious about sex?" replies Mary's mother. "He's taken her **** appendix out!" (SICKIPEDIA) Ps could possibly make my 1,000th post today Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guus Posted April 1, 2009 Share Posted April 1, 2009 Probably I say old bean, I think we've seen this somewhere before! but what the heck...... How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb? A one, a two, a one, two, three, four!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
villahero Posted April 1, 2009 Share Posted April 1, 2009 That's like the Roadie one " one two, one, one, two, two.one two Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted April 2, 2009 Share Posted April 2, 2009 A little boy with terminal cancer was sitting in his lounge room and his mum walks in. She says to him "Son, tomorrow is a very special day. If you pray really hard tonight, your cancer will be gone tomorrow". So the little boy runs upstairs and starts praying by his bedside. He prays all night until he finally falls asleep, his little hands still in the praying position. When he wakes up, his mother drives him to the doctor. The doctor does some tests, checks some results and says "Sorry sonny, you still have cancer and are going to die". The little boy looks up to his mum, tears welling in his eyes and says "But mum, you said if I prayed hard my cancer would be healed...?" His mum reaches down and ruffles the boys thinning hair and says: "I know son... APRIL FOOL!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted April 2, 2009 Share Posted April 2, 2009 Bert took his Saint Bernard to the vet. "Doctor," he said sadly, "I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to cut off my dog's tail." The vet stepped back, "Bert, why should I do such a terrible thing?" "Because my mother-in-law's arriving tomorrow, and I don't want anything to make her think she's welcome." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted April 2, 2009 Share Posted April 2, 2009 A man goes to the doctor with a piece of lettuce dangling from his rectum. "That looks nasty," says the doctor. "Nasty?" the man says. "That's just the tip of the iceberg." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted April 2, 2009 Share Posted April 2, 2009 One dismal rainy night, a taxi driver spotted an arm waving from the shadows of an alley halfway down the block. Even before he rolled to a stop at the curb, a figure leaped into the cab and slammed the door. Checking his rear view mirror as he pulled away, he was startled to see a dripping wet, naked woman sitting in the back seat. "Where to?" he stammered. "Union Station," answered the woman. "You got it," he said, taking another long glance in the mirror. The woman caught him staring at her and asked, "Just what the hell are you looking at, driver?" "Well ma'am, I noticed that you're completely naked, and I was just wondering how you'll pay your fare...?" The woman spread her legs, put her feet up on the front seat, smiled at the driver and said, "Does this answer your question?" Still looking in the mirror, the cabbie asked, "Got anything smaller?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
paddy Posted April 2, 2009 Share Posted April 2, 2009 I'm sure this has been on here before but: What's the hardest thing about roller blading? Telling your parents you're gay. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Qwpzxjor1 Posted April 2, 2009 Share Posted April 2, 2009 A starving Asylum Seeker is greeted at Dover by a Geenie who grants him 3 wishes. "I'm hungry, I want a banquet" And POW! A fully laden banqueting table appears in front of him with all his favourite food. "I want a nice house! A big one!" And POW! A huge mansion appears in a field along side him, with a balcony and swimming pool and triple garage. Next he says "I want to be a proper Englishman!" and POW! Everything vanishes. "Hey! What happened to all that stuff" asked the asylum seeker. The genie replied, "You're an englishman now... you're entitled to **** all!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Troglodyte Posted April 2, 2009 VT Supporter Share Posted April 2, 2009 A man is driving along a dual carriageway and spots what appears to be an asylum seeker crouched on the verge, eating grass. Sympathetically, the driver pulls over, rolls down his window and shouts: "Get in, you can have a proper meal at my place." The asylum seeker thanks the man with a nod of the head and duly climbs into the vehicle. After driving for a few minutes, the driver spots another man eating grass by the road, so stops and does the same thing again. Not ten minutes later, there is another man by the road eating grass, and the driver drives straight past. "That was my friend from back home, can we stop for him?" asks one of the new passengers in broken English. "How big do you thing my **** garden is?" replies the driver. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wainy316 Posted April 3, 2009 Share Posted April 3, 2009 There was this couple that had been married for 20 years. Every time they made love, the husband always insisted on shutting off the light. Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was ridiculous.. She figures she would break him of this crazy habit. So one night, while they were in the middle of a wild, screaming, romantic session, she turned on the lights. She looked down and saw her husband was holding a battery-operated leisure device... A vibrator! Soft, wonderful and larger than a real one. She went completely ballistic. 'You impotent fool,' She screamed at him, 'How could you be lying to me all of these years? You better explain yourself!' The husband looks her straight in the ey es and says calmly: 'I'll explain the toy. . . You explain the kids!' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cizzler Posted April 3, 2009 Share Posted April 3, 2009 The other week, right. I was in bed with this girl. I gave my best performance ever. I looked at the clock - I'd taken an hour and one minute. What a result. That's my longest yet, by far! Then I realised the clocks had gone foward an hour :/ Bollocks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BOF Posted April 3, 2009 Moderator Share Posted April 3, 2009 Still your best though eh Cizzler? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cizzler Posted April 3, 2009 Share Posted April 3, 2009 Course 8) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyh29 Posted April 3, 2009 Share Posted April 3, 2009 Rolf Harris has done the artwork for Jacko's gigs at the O2 arena As thanks , Jacko will be doing 2 little boys at the end of the show Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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