nevillain Posted February 26, 2009 Share Posted February 26, 2009 a big fat prostitute, manchester united fan got a tattoo of rooney and ronaldo on the inside of each of her thighs. She says to her punter" if you can guess who my tattoos are you can get a free shag". He looks left and right and says" i dont know who those ugly bastards are but the one in the middle with fat lips and curly hair is rio ferdinand" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted February 26, 2009 Share Posted February 26, 2009 a big fat prostitute, manchester united fan got a tattoo of rooney and ronaldo on the inside of each of her thighs. She says to her punter" if you can guess who my tattoos are you can get a free shag". He looks left and right and says" i dont know who those ugly bastards are but the one in the middle with fat lips and curly hair is rio ferdinand" Do you go on Orsm.net? I was just going to post that very joke, but the Aussie version with Warne and Lee on the thighs and Symonds in the middle Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted February 26, 2009 Share Posted February 26, 2009 Q: What do you call an anorexic with a yeast infection? A: A quarter pounder with cheese. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Awol Posted February 26, 2009 Share Posted February 26, 2009 Edit: Too much Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trinity_Road_Andy_K Posted February 26, 2009 Share Posted February 26, 2009 Jade Goody got married at the weekend... Pretty sure it won't last. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
villaboynick Posted February 26, 2009 Share Posted February 26, 2009 pretty harsh but funny what's jade goody in a wedding dress ? answer : a shuttlecock Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
West Posted February 26, 2009 Share Posted February 26, 2009 pretty harsh but funny what's jade goody in a wedding dress ? answer : a shuttlecock Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
drat01 Posted February 26, 2009 Share Posted February 26, 2009 Hope you are as "funny" when someone in your family has cancer - it affects one in 3 and seeing there are 3 of you there is hope ...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kimmie Posted February 26, 2009 Share Posted February 26, 2009 Hope you are as "funny" when someone in your family has cancer - it affects one in 3 and seeing there are 3 of you there is hope ...... WELL SAID!!! Funny jokes about Jade Goody would be her being dumb jokes about her dying, her illness, her life at the moment... SICK!!! She isnt my favourite of people and I am a wee bit fed up of her being in the paper everyday but no need to go so low peeps come on!! *rant over* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kimmie Posted February 26, 2009 Share Posted February 26, 2009 two snowmen in a field one turns to the other and says 'Do you smell carrots?' BADDUM Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nrogers Posted February 26, 2009 Share Posted February 26, 2009 What was the last thing to go through Lady Diana's mind?? The dasboard. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stevo985 Posted February 26, 2009 VT Supporter Share Posted February 26, 2009 Tottenham Hotspur Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
privateer Posted February 26, 2009 Share Posted February 26, 2009 Well I'm suitably chastened about the Goody jokes. So much so I think everyone should pray for her to undergo a miraculous recovery... ... just so we can get to see the look on Tweed's face. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Awol Posted February 27, 2009 Share Posted February 27, 2009 What's the difference between Jade Goody and Wendy Richards? I'd still **** Wendy Richards. ---------------------------- Spoke to a mate today, said he had some bad news from the doctor, the big C! "Fcuking hell mate, cancer?" I asked. "No," he said. "Dyslexia." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swollef Posted February 27, 2009 Share Posted February 27, 2009 Two Lions are walking single file through the jungle.After 5mins the second lion licks the first lions bum.The first lion turns around and says "do that again and i'll smash ya face in" He turns around,and they carry on.After 10mins the second lion licks the first lions bum again.The first lion jumps around and says " I effin warned ya ,do that again and i'll tear ya throat out" He turns around and they carry on.After 15mins the second lion licks the first lions bum. The first lion jumps around and roars "right thats it youre efiin dead" The second lion backs away and says "Sorry mate,it aint my fault, I ate a Blues fan last night,and i'm just trying to get the taste out of my mouth" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted February 27, 2009 Share Posted February 27, 2009 Mwahahahahahaa :-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ikantcpell Posted February 27, 2009 Share Posted February 27, 2009 A professor was giving a lecture on "Involuntary Muscular Contractions" to his first-year medical students. Realizing that this was not the most riveting subject, the professor decided to lighten the mood slightly. He pointed to a young woman in the front row and asked: "Do you know what your asshole is doing while you are having an orgasm?" "Yeah," she replied, "probably playing golf with his buddies Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ikantcpell Posted February 27, 2009 Share Posted February 27, 2009 A guy walks into a bar with his dog and says: "I'll have a Scotch and water and my dog would like a whisky sour." The bartender says: "Sorry, we don't allow animals in here." The dog replies: "Hey, I'm tired of being discriminated against. Just give me a drink." The bartender says: "Oh, no, not another ventriloquist with the old talking dog trick. Both of you, get out of here!" "No, no, no, this isn't a trick, I promise you," says the man. "I tell you what, I'll go for a walk around the block and you talk to Rover here." The man leaves and the bartender sees him turn the corner. "Now, can I have my drink?" says the dog. The bartender is amazed: "Sure you can and it's on the house! Listen, can you do me a favor? My wife works next door at the cafe. It'll make her day if you go in and order a cup of coffee. Here's 10 bucks and you can keep the change afterward." "OK," says the dog and he takes the 10 dollars and leaves. Ten minutes go by and the dog doesn't come back. The owner returns and asks where's the dog. So, both of them go off to see what happened to the dog. As they approach the cafe, they see Rover going at it hot and heavy with a French poodle in the alley between the bar and cafe. The owner shouts: "Rover! What are you doing! You've never done this before!" The dog shrugged: "Hell, I've never had any money before Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ikantcpell Posted February 27, 2009 Share Posted February 27, 2009 The Swede's wife steps up to the tee and, as she bends over to place her ball, a gust of wind blows her skirt up and reveals her lack of underwear. "Good God, woman! Why aren't you wearing any skivvies?" Olaf demands. "Well, you don't give me enough housekeeping money to afford any," his wife replies. The Swede immediately reaches into his pocket and says: "For the sake of decency, here's a 50. Go and buy yourself some underwear." Next, the Irishman's wife bends over to set her ball on the tee. Her skirt also blows up to show that she, too, is wearing no panties. "Blessed Virgin Mary, woman!" Patrick exclaims: "You've no knickers. Why not?" She replies: "I can't afford any on the money you give me." Patrick reaches into his pocket and says: "For the sake of decency, here's a 20. Go and buy yourself some underwear!" Lastly, the Scotsman's wife bends over. The wind also takes her skirt over her head to reveal that she, too, is naked under it. "Sweet mudder of Jaysus, Aggie! Where the frig are yer drawers?" he asks. She too explains: "You dinna give me enough money ta be able ta affarrd any." The Scotsman reaches into his pocket and says: "Well, fer the love 'o decency, here's a comb... tidy yerself up a bit Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The_Rev Posted February 27, 2009 Share Posted February 27, 2009 When you think about it, it is quite an achievement for someone to give cancer sufferers a bad name.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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