8pints Posted July 12, 2013 Share Posted July 12, 2013 VT EWR REPORT >>>Measurement Man Mourns Missing Midget?<<< *Dynamic intro music* Hey there Wrestling fans, I'm Bosko Bannan, your resident VT EWR News Reporter and what a story I have for you today. Self-proclaimed 'Greatest EWR Superstar' 8pints has seemingly been having a hard time of late and it's rumoured to be the consequence of one specific event in his life; the absence of his once dutiful dwarf 2quartz. And the bonehead boozer only has himself to blame. After the drunken dunce disgracefully tarred and feathered the diminutive dandy in a diabolical attempt to make his promos seem interesting, he'd need a miracle of Heskey-being-top-scorer proportions for that, the pleasant pygmy was so embarrassed, and rightly so, he conveyed his negative feelings through the medium of song and has not been seen since. And 8pints the bacchanalian berk, seems to have taken it badly. Mixing up his words and memories in promos and generally being even more of a soused simpleton than before, and no one thought that was even possible. The troubled tippler has rightly received ribbing from his fellow wrestlers in reaction to his behaviour. Threats of drip-turning, lol'd in to serious'd outrage and hopes for 55stripes to eat him are just some of the features of the backlash. And on the subject of the striped one, the latest report detailed a sighting of 55stripes, picking scraps out of people's wheelie bins like a nuisance fox, clearly ignored by 8pints. Reports suggest, animal rescue were called and the forgotten feline was forced in to a van and impounded. Things just get worse for the dumb dipsomaniac. Who knows, or possibly cares, what will happen next? Will we ever see the petite peach or the terrific tiger again? And how annoying is it the worst one out of all of them seems to be the only one we're left with!? I've been, and still am, Bosko Bannan, thanking for tuning in to my VT EWR News Report. *Dynamic outro music* 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
villaajax Posted July 21, 2013 Author Share Posted July 21, 2013 Guest booker: 8pints 15th November 2013 packoman vs Meath_Villan + Dom_Wren + POB - 3on1 Handicap Match Packoman has a hell of a battle on his hands here and that’s made all the more clearer as he’s victim to a vicious 3on1 beat-down. packoman can’t catch a breath as Meath_Villan props him up and Dom_Wren and POB hit him with a dropkick to the knees, each wrestler taking a separate knee-cap. They wrap him up between the second and first rope, trapping his arms as they each take their turn to land a pot shot on packoman’s body and face. There looks to be no way out as packoman is laid out on the apron and Dom_Wren climbs the turnbuckle. Meath_Villan holds down packoman’s arms as POB clamps down his legs. On top of the turnbuckle Dom_Wren plays to the crowd gesturing that they’ll want to get a photo of this before he makes his descent, looks like his intention is to land a crushing frog splash, but hold the phone ladies and gentleman! It seems packoman has been playing possum this whole time waiting for the right moment and this appears to be it! He pulls his knees up to his chest at the same time as pulling down his arms causing Meath_Villan and POB to butt heads knocking them to the apron. Without a second to spare packoman rolls out of Dom_Wren’s way meaning he connects with nothing but mat! That type of landing will knock the wind out of you and packoman knows it! He turns Dom_Wren on to his back and goes for the cover 1…2…3! packoman rolls out of the ring and backs up the aisle, celebrating his victory! It’s clear he knows there was a huge element of luck to that win but the guy saw his chance and took it and surely he must be applauded for that? Stevo985 vs theunderstudy Before anyone can blink, Stevo985 pulls out a bat and beats theunderstudy with it. The bell rings and the DQ is called but this doesn’t stop Stevo985, the brutal attack continues. Security runs out and it takes a large quantity of guys to restrain him! As they drag him kicking and screaming backstage he can be heard voicing his frustration at facing theunderstudy once again. The medical team come out and care for theunderstudy, let’s hope that guy’s ok. lp_villa830 calls out limpid, demanding a title shot and stating his record speaks for itself. limpid doesn’t show and lp_villa830 has to leave the ring without satisfaction. StefanAVFC w/Baselayers vs Ingram_85 Before the bell rings, StefanAVFC runs at Ingram85, jumps up and knocks him down with a flying elbow. StefanAVFC climbs on top of Ingram85 and pummels his face with a flurry of jabs and hooks! This match has gotten off to a roughneck start! The fists have had an effect, Ingram85 is dazed and blood trickles down his face, he looks for solace in the ropes but Baselayers jumps up on to the apron and pulls them down causing Ingram85 to fall to the outside! Stefan_AVFC distracts the ref as Baselayers puts the boot in to Ingram85’s midsection, he scrambles away and rolls back in to the ring. Stefan_AVFC gives him no respite, pulls him to his feet and hits him with an inverted DDT! Ingram85 is in trouble, StefanAVFC goes for the pin 1…2…Ingram85 kicks out! That was close! Again Stefan_AVFC pulls Ingram85 to his feet but this time gets pushed back as Ingram85 tries to mount an attack with a roundhouse kick! StefanAVFC dodges it though and Baselayers once again sees her chance, climbs to the apron reaching in to a small bag she has with her and pulls out a snow ball, tossing it at to Ingram85’s face and it connects! There must have been something horrible hidden inside because a purple paint-like liquid has covered Ingram85’s face, mixing with the blood and the poor guy’s blinded! That plucky SOB will have to fight on instinct now! Stefan_AVFC moves in to wrap this one up but wait a minute! Ingram85 thrusts a kick forward and it connects! Here we go! Ingram Stunner! Bang! The recoil makes StefanAVFC fall back and collide with Baselayers who’s still on the apron! Well she was, the collision drops her to the concrete! Ingram85 crawls towards StefanAVFC, that guy can’t see but he can hear StefanAVFC’s wheezing breaths. Ingram85 throws an arm over him in a pin attempt 1…2….3! Against all odds Ingram85 gets the victory! rjw63 is on the mic. He tells some jokes that are pretty dark and each time mjmooney is the punchline. Villaajax vs 8pints vs Leemond2008 vs Ginko - VT Intercontinental Championship The match begins explosively with all four competitors scrapping for their lives! Leemond2008 hits Ginko with a knee to the mid-section whilst villaajax counters an 8pints charge with an armbar takedown and goes for the Sharpshooter! But 8pints escapes by rolling out of the ring. Leemond2008 irish whips Ginko in to the turnuckle following it up with a running splash crushing Ginko into the ring-post. Ginko falls to the mat in pain as Leemond2008 taunts him and the crowd. 8pints is still on the outside, using the apron to support his weight, surely he’s faking it!? villaajax clearly doesn’t care as he slides across the mat hitting 8pints's cranium with a baseball slide dropkick! It stuns 8pints and sends him crashing in to the announcer’s table! Leemond2008 spots villaajax on the mat, moves across and locks on The Camel Clutch! The surprise element must be a factor and villaajax taps out! No time for Leemond2008 to celebrate though as Ginko attacks from behind and the two warriors brawl to the backstage. villaajax is back on his feet and furious with himself, 8pints re-enters the ring, he's got the brass-knuckles on! He sneaks up behind villaajax wanting him to feel the pain but the crowd alert him to the danger and he turns around in time to dish out some backhand chops to 8pints’s’ chest, forcing him to stumble back. villaajax tackles him down to the mat and locks on the Sharpshooter! The crowd go wild as tonight's show ends! 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
leemond2008 Posted July 21, 2013 Share Posted July 21, 2013 Wait a minute who won that then? Am I still champion? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
villaajax Posted July 21, 2013 Author Share Posted July 21, 2013 Wait a minute who won that then? Am I still champion? Yes, if it really means that much to you. I was robbed! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
packoman Posted July 21, 2013 Share Posted July 21, 2013 packoman vs Meath_Villan + Dom_Wren + POB - 3on1 Handicap Match Packoman has a hell of a battle on his hands here and that’s made all the more clearer as he’s victim to a vicious 3on1 beat-down. packoman can’t catch a breath as Meath_Villan props him up and Dom_Wren and POB hit him with a dropkick to the knees, each wrestler taking a separate knee-cap. They wrap him up between the second and first rope, trapping his arms as they each take their turn to land a pot shot on packoman’s body and face. There looks to be no way out as packoman is laid out on the apron and Dom_Wren climbs the turnbuckle. Meath_Villan holds down packoman’s arms as POB clamps down his legs. On top of the turnbuckle Dom_Wren plays to the crowd gesturing that they’ll want to get a photo of this before he makes his descent, looks like his intention is to land a crushing frog splash, but hold the phone ladies and gentleman! It seems packoman has been playing possum this whole time waiting for the right moment and this appears to be it! He pulls his knees up to his chest at the same time as pulling down his arms causing Meath_Villan and POB to butt heads knocking them to the apron. Without a second to spare packoman rolls out of Dom_Wren’s way meaning he connects with nothing but mat! That type of landing will knock the wind out of you and packoman knows it! He turns Dom_Wren on to his back and goes for the cover 1…2…3! packoman rolls out of the ring and backs up the aisle, celebrating his victory! It’s clear he knows there was a huge element of luck to that win but the guy saw his chance and took it and surely he must be applauded for that? Holy sh*t, even without yillan I am amazing. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Baselayers Posted July 21, 2013 Share Posted July 21, 2013 Vintage Baselayers! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ingram85 Posted July 21, 2013 Share Posted July 21, 2013 My winning streak against Stefan and a meddling Jenny continues. Stefan, you may need to lose the arm candy, she's doing an AJ. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stevo985 Posted July 21, 2013 VT Supporter Share Posted July 21, 2013 Guest booker: 8pints 15th November 2013 Stevo985 vs theunderstudy Before anyone can blink, Stevo985 pulls out a bat and beats theunderstudy with it. The bell rings and the DQ is called but this doesn’t stop Stevo985, the brutal attack continues. Security runs out and it takes a large quantity of guys to restrain him! As they drag him kicking and screaming backstage he can be heard voicing his frustration at facing theunderstudy once again. The medical team come out and care for theunderstudy, let’s hope that guy’s ok. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Folski Posted July 21, 2013 Share Posted July 21, 2013 How have I only found this now? All 24 pages will be read tomorrow at work! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
leemond2008 Posted July 22, 2013 Share Posted July 22, 2013 The majority of the posts is 8 pints showing to everyone that he is slightly unhinged 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
villaajax Posted July 22, 2013 Author Share Posted July 22, 2013 I heard he legally changed his real name to 8pints. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
8pints Posted July 22, 2013 Share Posted July 22, 2013 (edited) *Return of 8pints, address unknown. No such number, no such zone. He had a quarrel, a manager spat. We find him boring but 8pints keeps coming back.* 8pints: What a great show that last one was! It took a long time, Lego-Loser must have been busy clipping his 'Cousin It' like hair or something but finally we get a show and it's tremendous! And I'm not even biased! So let's see what the losers of this company have been wittering on about recently... Holy sh*t, even without yillan I am amazing. I don't think luck makes you amazing it just makes you...lucky. You only won because you were against the three stooges. It's embarrassing you're happy about this. I can see this now, I couldn't before and no surprise Steven is patting himself on the back for beating up a nerd. Newsflash Romeo, you still lost the match...again. The majority of the posts is 8 pints showing to everyone that he is slightly unhinged later-- Wait a minute who won that then? Am I still champion? So my version of 'SIngle White Female' takes a pop but then asks the dumbest question since Barry Bannan was asked to take corners! If I was you and McGrath knows you want to be me: I'd learn to read before I started dishing out jealous allegations...And last and certainly least The Lego-Lump said he heard I'd legally changed my real name to 8pints. The joke's on him once again as I have already told all of you my name is Eight Pints and always has been, so no need to change it, it's been that way since birth.....Last orders are coming for all of you...Drink up! *As 8pints is leaving, a change comes on his eyes. The aisle's persuading him with mumbled strange goodbyes* Edited July 23, 2013 by 8pints Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
leemond2008 Posted July 22, 2013 Share Posted July 22, 2013 (edited) The majority of the posts is 8 pints showing to everyone that he is slightly unhinged later-- Wait a minute who won that then? Am I still champion? So my version of 'SIngle White Female' takes a pop but then asks the dumbest question since Barry Bannan was asked to take corners! If I was you and McGrath knows you want to be me: I'd learn to read before I started dishing out jealous allegations...And last and certainly least The Lego-Lump said he heard I'd legally changed my real name to 8pints. The joke's on him once again as I have already told all of you my name is Eight Pints and always has been, so no need to change it, it's been that way since birth.....Last orders are coming for all of you...Drink up! *As 8pints is leaving, a change comes on his eyes. The aisle's persuading him with mumbled strange goodbyes* hold fire wait just one collar picking minute....may I refresh your minds to page 21 of this very thread, it would appear that not only has 8 pints lost his marbles but also his memory, here he is arguing (with himself) about why it would appear that he seems to be imitating me 2quartz: Mr Ginko lost his belt. 8pints: Stinko lost my belt you mean!? Against my clone as well! 2quartz: Mr. Leemond2008 did use a new finisher. 8pints: Fair play to him, go and join him if you love him so much, oh wait, he's already got a manager the flipping rip-off artist! 2quartz: He had a manager before you did and was a member of this site a long time before you, if anything it's you-- 8pints: --Ok, shut up now may be you should be trying to remember your inane ramblings or even better just prove yourself in the ring you punk Edited July 22, 2013 by leemond2008 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
8pints Posted July 23, 2013 Share Posted July 23, 2013 (edited) *Dynamic intro music. We see our super slick EWR reporter Bosko Bannan running through the backstage area with a microphone in his hand, eventually after turning a few corners, he spots 8pints starting his first of..eight...pints of unidentifiable alcohol, trying to relax* BB: 8pints! Have you heard what Leemond2008 has said about you? *Bosko Bannan thrusts the mic in to 8pints's' face* 8pints: Get that mic out of my face! BB: Don't you want to make a comment in reply to Leemond2008? 8pints: Why, what did he say? BB: That you talk to yourself. 8pints: And have you ever seen or heard me do that? BB: No, never. 8pints: Exactly. BB: Fair enough. 8pints: You know what, I'm pleased you're here. SInce this quote limit has came in it's restricted my promos but now you're here, I can address the things I didn't get a chance to before. Vintage Baselayers! 8pints: What is? A clumsy cheat who fell on her ass? Whatever you say sweetheart. My winning streak against Stefan and a meddling Jenny continues. Stefan, you may need to lose the arm candy, she's doing an AJ. 8pints: So you've beaten the wannabe Mr Feeny twice in a row and you want to get the jelly & ice cream out and have a little party? Well Ralph Malph, these Happy days are not yours but mine (My Happy Days) How have I only found this now? All 24 pages will be read tomorrow at work! 8pints: You don't need to do that-- BB:--He probably has already done it by now if he was going to-- 8pints: -- Don't interrupt me. BB: Sorry. 8pints: As I was saying, Folski you don't have to do that I'll tell you all you need to know; I am the greatest and everyone else is in my shadow... *Awkward pause* BB: ...Have you finished? 8pints: Yeah. BB: Ok, that was 8pints chatting on once more, I've been and still am Bosko Bannan, bringing you an exclusive EWR interview. Thanks for tuning in. *Dynamic outro music* Edited July 23, 2013 by 8pints Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dante_Lockhart Posted July 23, 2013 Share Posted July 23, 2013 Dante is so good he doesn't want to wrestle cos it wouldn't be fair. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ginko Posted July 23, 2013 Share Posted July 23, 2013 My winning streak against Stefan and a meddling Jenny continues. Stefan, you may need to lose the arm candy, she's doing an AJ. 8pints: So you've beaten the wannabe Mr Feeny twice in a row 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Designer1 Posted July 23, 2013 VT Supporter Share Posted July 23, 2013 I'm starting to think 8pints might be a couple of pints short of his quota. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lp_villa830 Posted July 23, 2013 Share Posted July 23, 2013 I think its more like the pitcher has smashed and he is lay flat on the floor like a steaming messed up spill of piss ,all it needs now is the 1...2...3. 8pints vs Me winner gets a shot at the Title and the loser gets shagged by 2quartz. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Baselayers Posted July 23, 2013 Share Posted July 23, 2013 I think 8pints has been pildriven too much 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ArteSuave Posted July 23, 2013 Share Posted July 23, 2013 It's just taken me far too long to figure out what's going on in here (and mainly to figure out what EWR was). Probably should have just read the OP. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts