lapal_fan Posted August 5, 2014 Share Posted August 5, 2014 [like this post if you don't like it when people like their own posts] 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CarewsEyebrowDesigner Posted August 5, 2014 Share Posted August 5, 2014 Sleeping is weird. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Meath_Villan Posted August 5, 2014 Share Posted August 5, 2014 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lapal_fan Posted August 5, 2014 Share Posted August 5, 2014 I've been writing a 1920's style detective story, and I'm thinking of posting an excerpt for a bit of feedback. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Meath_Villan Posted August 5, 2014 Share Posted August 5, 2014 I've been writing a 1920's style detective story, and I'm thinking of posting an excerpt for a bit of feedback. ask mooney for what it was like way back then 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lapal_fan Posted August 5, 2014 Share Posted August 5, 2014 I've been writing a 1920's style detective story, and I'm thinking of posting an excerpt for a bit of feedback. ask mooney for what it was like way back then Mooney is the inspiration for the main character. I called him Mahone (bit like Mooney) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Folski Posted August 5, 2014 Share Posted August 5, 2014 Post it, I need something to read for my post lunch poop. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lapal_fan Posted August 5, 2014 Share Posted August 5, 2014 (edited) Post it, I need something to read for my post lunch poop. We sat in the squad car together. The bonnet of the car was just sticking out further than the narrow ally we parked in. We thought it was the perfect spot. "Pass me another doughnut." "How about a please you fat ****?" "...pass me another doughnut... PLEASE.." "Better." I tossed my partner a doughnut, he grabbed it and ate the entire thing in one, humongous bite. "Jesus H Christ Louie.. take your ****in' time you fat sack of ****." "I can't help it Mahone, I've got diabetes." "You haven't got diabetes you lazy dirt bag! You're just fat because of all the **** you eat!". A silence fell in the car. I felt guilty about my outburst, but my God.. If no one tells him, he'll never learn and end up in a body bag in the next couple of years. "Listen Louie.." I started, "I didn't mea" - I was rudely cut off. Paaaaaarrrrrppppppppp.. Louie produced a pants splitting fart, it sounded almost as moist as the Amazon. "Hahahahaa, eat that Mahone!" "You dirty mother ****er!" I remembered that the door windows were stuck. We couldn't even open the doors because our car was in a narrow ally. I started gasping for air. "Louie, you sick ****, I can taste it!" "Haahahahahahaaaa" Louie was crying with laughter. PAAAARRRRRRRRRRPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!! - Round 2 of the pant splitting. "FOR F*CK'S SAKE LOUIE, YOU'RE GOING TO **** YOUR DAMN PANTS!!!" "HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAAA!!!!" I couldn't breath, the oxygen in the car was running out and being displaced by noxious gases, we'd soon be out.. "Louie... *Cough* *Cough* why are you doing this..?" I laboured my speech to breathe in any air I could. "Because Mahone" Louie said through his tear filled eyes.. "You left my highlighter on your desk, WITHOUT THE LID ON!" PAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRPPPPP!!!!! "LOUIE.... NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" Louie pushed out a third and final fart.. He squeezed his ass so hard, blood spilled out of his anus. "LOUIE!!! DO. NOT. SPLIT. YOUR. ANUS!!!!!!!!!" My last and final sucking in of air. Louie's anus split him in half. There was blood and **** everywhere. I was sat in a car with no air, covered in my partners ass, blood, **** & **** (because he masturbated earlier). I grabbed my revolver out of my holster. BANG BANG!! I fired two shots into the wind shield of the car, leaned back in my seat and thrusted my legs through the wind shield. The air rushed through into the car. I gasped for breath and vomited all over the anal cavity remains of Louie. My God I was sick everywhere. I undid my belt buckle and grabbed the outside of the wind shield, slicing my hands open on the broken glass. I still had to get out of there. As I twisted my body over the steering wheel, I cocked my leg through the broken glass as carefully as I could. My hand slipped on the pool of vomit and in one movement, I completely split my anus from nut sack to the low of my back. "ARRRGGGGGHHHHHH!!" I screamed. Blood was gushing out of where my ass used to be, my body was half in, half out of the car, resting on broken glass. I vomited again and as my head crunched against the bonnet, my neck landed on a shard of glass. I had maybe 30 seconds to get myself out of the car and onto the road. I slumped onto the roadside, my anus completely cleaved in two, my neck and chest riddled with glass punctures.. bleeding like butchered animal. "Myyy.." I tried to speak to a horrified bypasser. "Myyy anus... send it back.... to my wife... and tell her I love her and little Jimmy..." I got everything out that I could before I passed out.. "Wake up Mahone." I heard a voice. Not one that I'd heard before, but it sounded calm.. "Wake up Mahone." I slowly opened my eyes. The light was dazzling but slowly the picture became clear. I was in hospital. I could hear the beeping of machines, probably keeping me alive. "Am I gonna be ok?" - I asked. "Mahone, I'm Doctor Turner, I'm afraid I have some bad news." I closed my eyes, knowing what was about to be said. "Detective Mahone, we were unable to save your anus.." "I grabbed my revolver on the bedside table next to me, shot the doctor in the face and then turned the gun onto myself. BANG. FIN. Edited August 5, 2014 by lapal_fan 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post CarewsEyebrowDesigner Posted August 5, 2014 Popular Post Share Posted August 5, 2014 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AVFCforever1991 Posted August 5, 2014 Share Posted August 5, 2014 I saw a lot of screaming 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lapal_fan Posted August 5, 2014 Share Posted August 5, 2014 It's more of a childrens tale to be honest. It's not really meant for adults. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Folski Posted August 5, 2014 Share Posted August 5, 2014 It's more of a childrens tale to be honest. It's not really meant for adults. Enjoyed it. Not really what you want to be reading when going for your after lunch poop though. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lapal_fan Posted August 5, 2014 Share Posted August 5, 2014 It's more of a childrens tale to be honest. It's not really meant for adults. Enjoyed it. Not really what you want to be reading when going for your after lunch poop though. I thought it was actually quite appropriate 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eames Posted August 5, 2014 Share Posted August 5, 2014 (edited) This question MUST have already been asked but.... Nicki Minaj? Would you? Pre-mooney'd to save time Edited August 5, 2014 by Eames Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GarethRDR Posted August 5, 2014 Share Posted August 5, 2014 This question MUST have already been asked but.... Nicki Minaj? Would you? Pre-mooney'd to save time It's a trap. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lapal_fan Posted August 5, 2014 Share Posted August 5, 2014 She's looks like she's riddled with it. No way. Even with the huge hooters, just no. Disgusting piece of meat. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eames Posted August 5, 2014 Share Posted August 5, 2014 She's looks like she's riddled with it. No way. Even with the huge hooters, just no. Disgusting piece of meat. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ArteSuave Posted August 5, 2014 Share Posted August 5, 2014 I'm never sure if people are serious in discussions like this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phumfeinz Posted August 5, 2014 Share Posted August 5, 2014 I would, she almost definitely takes it up the mud chute. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eames Posted August 5, 2014 Share Posted August 5, 2014 Well I'll be very clear, assuming she gets a clean bill of health I'd be up there like a rat up a drainpipe. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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