rjw63 Posted April 1, 2011 Share Posted April 1, 2011 My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30am this morning. Can you believe that, 2:30am? Luckily for him I was still up playing my bagpipes. Like it. Sorta binnedunne, but with a set of drums instead of bagpipes Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Risso Posted April 1, 2011 Share Posted April 1, 2011 What this "sorta" bindunne nonsense? Either it's a fat, useless pissed up Aston Villa defender inside a receptacle for the collection of rubbish, or it isn't! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LancsVillan Posted April 1, 2011 Moderator Share Posted April 1, 2011 Women are like Orange Juice cartons. It's not the shape or size that matters or even how sweet the juice is. It's getting those **** flaps to open. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theunderstudy Posted April 1, 2011 Share Posted April 1, 2011 Probably a BD... An Englishman and Irishman and a Scotsman are all in a bar, drinking. Suddenly the Englishman says "my lad was born on St. Georges day, so we named the lad George." The scotsman says "Same, my bairn was born on st. Andrews day, so I named him Andrew." The Irishman looks astonished and says "Well I'll be ****, wait until I get home and tell little Pancake!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted April 1, 2011 Share Posted April 1, 2011 Women are like Orange Juice cartons. It's not the shape or size that matters or even how sweet the juice is. It's getting those **** flaps to open. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ClaretMahoney Posted April 1, 2011 Share Posted April 1, 2011 Probably a BD... An Englishman and Irishman and a Scotsman are all in a bar, drinking. Suddenly the Englishman says "my lad was born on St. Georges day, so we named the lad George." The scotsman says "Same, my bairn was born on st. Andrews day, so I named him Andrew." The Irishman looks astonished and says "Well I'll be ****, wait until I get home and tell little Pancake!" over my head. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted April 1, 2011 Share Posted April 1, 2011 Probably a BD... An Englishman and Irishman and a Scotsman are all in a bar, drinking. Suddenly the Englishman says "my lad was born on St. Georges day, so we named the lad George." The scotsman says "Same, my bairn was born on st. Andrews day, so I named him Andrew." The Irishman looks astonished and says "Well I'll be ****, wait until I get home and tell little Pancake!" over my head. Mahoney's comment is funnier than the joke! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ClaretMahoney Posted April 2, 2011 Share Posted April 2, 2011 Winning. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nigel Posted April 2, 2011 VT Supporter Share Posted April 2, 2011 My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30am this morning. Can you believe that, 2:30am? Luckily for him I was still up playing my bagpipes. Brilliant! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
drat01 Posted April 2, 2011 Share Posted April 2, 2011 Bloke from Barnsley with piles asks the shop assistant "Nah then lad, does tha sell arse cream?" Shop Assistant replies "Aye, Magnum or Cornetto? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
drat01 Posted April 2, 2011 Share Posted April 2, 2011 A Yorkshireman's dog dies and as it was a favourite pet so he decides to have a gold statue made by a jeweller to remember the dog by. Yorkshireman: "Can tha mek us a gold statue of yon dog?" Jeweller: "Do you want it 18 carat?" Yorkshireman: "No I want it chewin' a bone yer daft bugger!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theunderstudy Posted April 2, 2011 Share Posted April 2, 2011 ^^^^^^ I had that one as my facebook status not two weeks ago! One of my all time favourite jokes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted April 2, 2011 Share Posted April 2, 2011 Father and illigitemate son Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theunderstudy Posted April 3, 2011 Share Posted April 3, 2011 What do you call a man with a spade in his head? An ambulance, he's probably very seriously injured. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theunderstudy Posted April 5, 2011 Share Posted April 5, 2011 The discussion on games made me dredge this one up! One for the nerds amongst us. 8) My girlfriend told me to stop playing Pokemon as it was childish. I started thrashing about and roared "You don't have enough badges to control me!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
villaajax Posted April 5, 2011 Share Posted April 5, 2011 The discussion on games made me dredge this one up! One for the nerds amongst us. 8) My girlfriend told me to stop playing Pokemon as it was childish. I started thrashing about and roared "You don't have enough badges to control me!" :notworthy: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted April 7, 2011 Share Posted April 7, 2011 Outside a Church in Boston a young boy is weeping, and an old lady approaches him and says, "What's wrong, honey?" The little boy replies between sobs, "My Grandma passed away this morning." "I'm so sorry to hear that," says the kind old lady. "Do you want me to call Father O'Riley?" "No," replies the boy. "Sex is the last thing I have in mind." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted April 7, 2011 Share Posted April 7, 2011 Two blokes sitting in a pub. The first guy says "you know what, I could have sex with any woman in here". The second guy says "Oh yeah, how's that then?" The first guy says "Because I'm a rapist." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theunderstudy Posted April 7, 2011 Share Posted April 7, 2011 A scouser walks into a bar. Least that's what I told the police was what happened. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RichardCanning Posted April 7, 2011 Share Posted April 7, 2011 The FA have completed their investigations into Wayne Rooney's foul mouthed celebration at the weekend. Having wathed him stare into a camera and shout "**** off...What??..**** Off..." they concluded the thick word removed was just having an argument with his own reflection Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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