Nigel Posted June 6, 2010 VT Supporter Share Posted June 6, 2010 Bloke wanders into a known dog fighting pub with a cute little pink dog under his arm. "I bet any man Destroyer here will best any dog you have." A Gypsy walks up to him with a smirk and a particular nasty looking Pitt Bull and takes him up the offer. As soon as the fight starts the pink thing jumps into action and after an almighty roar eats his apponent in one move. The Gypsy simply cant believe it "What...what breed of dog did you say that was?" He turns round on his way out the door, after picking up his winnings "Well before I cut his tail off and painted him pink....he was an alligator!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted June 7, 2010 Share Posted June 7, 2010 Mark Austin on ITN; "What drove Derrick Bird to murder 12 people?" It was a Citroen Picasso, you told us earlier, you daft word removed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stevo985 Posted June 7, 2010 VT Supporter Share Posted June 7, 2010 Mate of mine just told me his son drowned whilst on holiday in Ukraine. Crimea River!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted June 8, 2010 Share Posted June 8, 2010 A woman comes home from a night shift, and as it's the end of the week AND payday she is in a good mood. She decides to give her sleeping hubby an impromptu gobble. She quietly enters the bedroom, strips off and burrows under the duvet from the bottom. She spreads her hubbys legs and teases his bellend with her tongue for 5 minutes and then gives him the full deepthroat treatment. Then as he's about to cum she sticks her finger up his arse, and he gasps and shoots his bolt down her throat.......not a drop is wasted. The woman decides to go and clean her teeth so she slides out of the bottom of the bed and heads for the bathroom. To her shock, her husband is in there having a shit. "WHAT THE **** ARE YOU DOING IN HERE?" she screams "Ssssssshhhhhh" he whispers......."you'll wake your Dad" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jon Posted June 8, 2010 Share Posted June 8, 2010 Got a tip for a horse today Cumbrian Cabbie, 12-1 shot one of the best gags i've heard in ages that. Nice one Roberto. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stevo985 Posted June 9, 2010 VT Supporter Share Posted June 9, 2010 2 condoms walk into a gay bar. One turns to the other and says "mate, we're gonna get shit faced" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stevo985 Posted June 9, 2010 VT Supporter Share Posted June 9, 2010 I was just sitting on the couch with my girlfriend when the CEO of Apple walked into our house and nicked all the Mr Sheen from the cupboard. **** Jobs, coming over here and stealing all our polish. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jon Posted June 9, 2010 Share Posted June 9, 2010 I was just sitting on the couch with my girlfriend when the CEO of Apple walked into our house and nicked all the Mr Sheen from the cupboard. **** Jobs, coming over here and stealing all our polish. Jon likes this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The_Rev Posted June 9, 2010 Share Posted June 9, 2010 have i missed the joke there................... Ron Jeremy is a porn star - the porn star name game as a kid, your Christian name is the name of your first pet, your Surname is the name of the street you grew up on. Off topic for a second, but did people actually play the porn name game when they were kids? I always thought it was one of those social engineering things that people on the internet (especially facebook) used to find out the answers to security questions that you have set up to protect your password. "mothers maiden name, first pet, name of the street you grew up on (etc)" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stevo985 Posted June 9, 2010 VT Supporter Share Posted June 9, 2010 have i missed the joke there................... Ron Jeremy is a porn star - the porn star name game as a kid, your Christian name is the name of your first pet, your Surname is the name of the street you grew up on. My name in that respect would be Alfie Steel Flopsy Dowdeswell Bubbles Hazelwood Although I'd heard it was mother's madien name as well in which case I'd be Bubbles O'Driscoll Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Risso Posted June 9, 2010 Share Posted June 9, 2010 I was just sitting on the couch with my girlfriend when the CEO of Apple walked into our house and nicked all the Mr Sheen from the cupboard. **** Jobs, coming over here and stealing all our polish. Clever! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted June 9, 2010 Share Posted June 9, 2010 I was just sitting on the couch with my girlfriend when the CEO of Apple walked into our house and nicked all the Mr Sheen from the cupboard. **** Jobs, coming over here and stealing all our polish. Clever! You want to watch those short one-word posts/replies, some people on here think you need to write a **** essay Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Risso Posted June 9, 2010 Share Posted June 9, 2010 I was just sitting on the couch with my girlfriend when the CEO of Apple walked into our house and nicked all the Mr Sheen from the cupboard. **** Jobs, coming over here and stealing all our polish. Clever! You want to watch those short one-word posts/replies, some people on here think you need to write a **** essay Fuckem! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted June 9, 2010 Share Posted June 9, 2010 Eggzackly! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stevo985 Posted June 9, 2010 VT Supporter Share Posted June 9, 2010 A libbrary walks into a man and dyslexia for a book on asks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BOF Posted June 9, 2010 Moderator Share Posted June 9, 2010 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Risso Posted June 9, 2010 Share Posted June 9, 2010 A libbrary walks into a man and dyslexia for a book on asks. That's really, really poor! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stevo985 Posted June 9, 2010 VT Supporter Share Posted June 9, 2010 So poor it's funny? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
briggaman Posted June 9, 2010 Share Posted June 9, 2010 have i missed the joke there................... Ron Jeremy is a porn star - the porn star name game as a kid, your Christian name is the name of your first pet, your Surname is the name of the street you grew up on. My name in that respect would be Alfie Steel Flopsy Dowdeswell Bubbles Hazelwood Although I'd heard it was mother's madien name as well in which case I'd be Bubbles O'Driscoll Under the rules posted with the pet name I would be Snowy Captain. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Risso Posted June 9, 2010 Share Posted June 9, 2010 Off topic for a second, but did people actually play the porn name game when they were kids? I always thought it was one of those social engineering things that people on the internet (especially facebook) used to find out the answers to security questions that you have set up to protect your password. "mothers maiden name, first pet, name of the street you grew up on (etc)" Ooh you cynic! Anyway, have you played the Sci Fi game? Your first name is your bank account number, your surname is your sort code together with your telephone banking password. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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