darthdc Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 3 men are in the desert, desperate for a drink. They come across a genie who promises to quench their thirst. He produces a slide and asks the men to climb it in turn and as they slide down shout out what they would like to drink. It will then appear at the bottom in a large tub. The first man climbs up and as he slides down cries out "Beer!" and lands in a tub of beer The second man uses the slide and shouts "Water", landing in a tub of water. The third man uses the slide and shouts "Weeeeee!!!!!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gingerlad Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 What do you get if you cross the Atlantic Ocean with a French Airbus? About halfway. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gingerlad Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 Come on !!! Whers the David Carradine jokes?? CHOP CHOP!! David Carradine has invented a new martial art - Hung Foo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gingerlad Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 Just heard that Girls Aloud are playing Newcastle in August. They are expected to win 3-0 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gingerlad Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 I was rather disappointed in the low turnout at my local polling station. I don't see why people should struggle to put a cross in a box. Then again, I do live in Newcastle. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gingerlad Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 I've got a lot in common with your Mum. We've both been inside your Gran. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gingerlad Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 So what if Jesus turned water into wine...I turned a whole student loan into Vodka once. Your move Jesus... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gingerlad Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 Some random woman stopped me in the street today and started telling me a joke. It had all the ingredients of a good joke: child abuse; incestual rape; tears and suffering; but I didn't understand the punchline. Something about £2 a month? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jackosotc Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 has this just turned into the sickipedia thread? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RJA1703 Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 3 men are in the desert, desperate for a drink. They come across a genie who promises to quench their thirst. He produces a slide and asks the men to climb it in turn and as they slide down shout out what they would like to drink. It will then appear at the bottom in a large tub. The first man climbs up and as he slides down cries out "Beer!" and lands in a tub of beer The second man uses the slide and shouts "Water", landing in a tub of water. The third man uses the slide and shouts "Weeeeee!!!!!" Thats literally the first joke I can ever remember hearing. My uncle told it me when I must have been about 4. Found it hilarious at the time. 17 years later I'm not so sure. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 It's really bad in Bridgend, I went into Halfords to buy a tow rope and they asked me what size collar I was I say old bean, I think we've seen this somewhere before!! To the Man who always reports the Binduns. It is espeically pleasing in this regard. It's OK, I can take it :-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stevo985 Posted June 7, 2009 VT Supporter Share Posted June 7, 2009 GIRL: Doctor, i have comitted a great sin. I called my boyfriend a BASTARD. PSYCHIATRIST: Well that's not a nice thing to call anyone...what did he do to deserve that? GIRL: Well, he kissed me. PSYCHIATRIST: You mean like this? GIRL: ... Yes! PSYCHIATRIST: Well that's no reason to call him a BASTARD. GIRL: But, he put his hand in my top. PSYCHIATRIST: You mean like this? GIRL: ...Yes! PSYCHIATRIST: Well that's no reason to call him a BASTARD. GIRL: But, he took my clothes off. PSYCHIATRIST: You mean like this? GIRL:..... Yes! PSYCHIATRIST: Well that's no reason to call him a BASTARD. GIRL: But, he had sex with me! PSYCHIATRIST: You mean like this? GIRL: ...........................Yes! PSYCHIATRIST: Well that's no reason to call him a BASTARD. GIRL: But, he told me he has AIDS. PSYCHIATRIST: BASTARD!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Olejniker Posted June 8, 2009 Share Posted June 8, 2009 I'm not sure whether this has been done before, but if I have to check every page before I post something it's kinda sad. So here goes. A Girl's First Time: As you lie back your muscles tighten. You put him off for a while searching for an excuse, but he refuses to be swayed as he approaches you. He asks if you're afraid and you shake your head bravely. He has had more experience, but it's the first time his finger has found the right place. He probes deeply and you shiver; your body tenses; but he's gentle like he promised he'd be. He looks deeply within your eyes and tells you to trust him-he's done this many times before. His cool smile relaxes you and you open wider to give him more room for an easy entrance. You begin to plead and beg him to hurry, but he slowly takes his time, wanting to cause you as little pain as possible. As he presses closer, going deeper, you feel the tissue give way; pain surges throughout your body and you feel the slight trickle of blood as he continues. He looks at you concerned and asks you if it's too painful. Your eyes are filled with tears but you shake your head and nod for him to go on. He begins going in and out with skill but you are now too numb to feel him within you. After a few moments, you feel something bursting within you and he pulls it out of you, you lay panting, glad to have it over. He looks at you and smiling warmly, tells you, with a chuckle; that you have been his most stubborn yet most rewarding experience. You smile and thank your dentist. After all, it was your first time to have a tooth pulled. Naughty, Naughty! Excuse me, What were you thinking? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LT_1993 Posted June 8, 2009 Share Posted June 8, 2009 last two are both binduns Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stevo985 Posted June 8, 2009 VT Supporter Share Posted June 8, 2009 last two are both binduns Noooooooooooooooooo! I think that's my first ever "I say old bean, I think we've seen this somewhere before!" bastard Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saturdaygig Posted June 8, 2009 Share Posted June 8, 2009 last two are both binduns In future will everyone please check with LT_1993 if a joke has been told already before posting. Then he won't have to keep saying I say old bean, I think we've seen this somewhere before! 5 times on every page, which is the most tiresome thing I've ever come across. Thanks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The_Rev Posted June 9, 2009 Share Posted June 9, 2009 What have the Conservative Party got in common with the Atlantic ocean? They both gained about 200 seats this week. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
soprano Posted June 9, 2009 Share Posted June 9, 2009 Apparently SHA have contracted a rare cross virus of swine flu and pig flu which prevents them from winning any trophies. It's called pigs might **** fly flu> Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sbaldie1 Posted June 9, 2009 Share Posted June 9, 2009 Apparently SHA have contracted a rare cross virus of swine flu and pig flu which prevents them from winning any trophies. It's called pigs might **** fly flu> pissed myself @ that Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
soprano Posted June 9, 2009 Share Posted June 9, 2009 I went to the nurse for my annual check up this morning. She said "I think you should stop masturbating" "why"? I asked. She said "cause I'm trying to **** examine you" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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