Gingerlad Posted May 5, 2009 Share Posted May 5, 2009 After being knocked out for the second time, Ricky Hatton is on the verge of becoming the first Manc to be able to count to ten! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gingerlad Posted May 5, 2009 Share Posted May 5, 2009 Whats the diffrence between Ricky Hatton and Amir Khan? About three and half minutes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gingerlad Posted May 5, 2009 Share Posted May 5, 2009 France wants to arrange a fight with Ricky Hatton; they think they might win for once Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted May 5, 2009 Share Posted May 5, 2009 When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised God doesn't work that way, so I stole one and prayed for forgiveness. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted May 5, 2009 Share Posted May 5, 2009 An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut. The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car. He says, "Sir, have you been drinking?" "Just water," says the priest. The trooper says, "Then why do I smell wine?" The priest looks at the bottle and says, "Good Lord! He's done it again!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted May 5, 2009 Share Posted May 5, 2009 Four married guys go golfing. On the 4th hole the following conversation took place: First Guy "You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out golfing this weekend. I had to promise my wife that I will paint every room in the house next weekend." Second Guy says "That's nothing - I had to promise my wife that I will re-landscape the whole backyard." Third Guy "Man, you both have it easy! I had to promise my wife that I'll remodel the kitchen AND bathroom for her!" They continue to play the hole when they realised that the fourth guy has not said a word. So they ask him, "You haven't said anything about what you had to do to be able to come golfing this weekend. What's the deal?" Fourth guy says "You silly bastards have got it all wrong! I just set my alarm for 5:30am. When it went off, I gave the wife a slap on the arse and said: 'Golf course or intercourse?' She said 'Wear sun-block'." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted May 5, 2009 Share Posted May 5, 2009 Jesus and Moses were strolling by the Red Sea, when Moses nudged Jesus and said, "Psst. Hey, Jesus, I've still got it." Moses turned towards the Red Sea and lifted his staff on high. The angels began to sing, the gentle sea breeze turned into a raging gale, and the waters of the Red Sea were parted. Moses lowered his arms and, with a smug grin on his face, turned back to face Jesus. Jesus scoffed. "Moses, my boy," said the Messiah, "I have still got it." And with a flourish of his robes, Jesus stepped onto the waters of the Red Sea and began to stride across without so much as a ripple. But to Moses' amazement, halfway across the water, Jesus suddenly began to sink. He splashed into the water and began to choke and flounder as the waves tossed him around. Moses grumbled at Jesus' silliness and parted the water once more. Moses helped Jesus back to shore, as the Saviour hacked up salt water. When they had finally reached shore, Moses slapped a consoling hand on Jesus' shoulder and said, "Don't worry about it, Lord. Last time you tried it, you didn't have holes in your feet." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BOF Posted May 6, 2009 Moderator Share Posted May 6, 2009 See Falklands War hero Simon Weston wants a divorce from his wife. Seemingly his kids look nothing like him Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Richard Posted May 6, 2009 Share Posted May 6, 2009 sick sick joke Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BOF Posted May 6, 2009 Moderator Share Posted May 6, 2009 "Enter at your own risk." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anthony Posted May 6, 2009 VT Supporter Share Posted May 6, 2009 Mods! Card him! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Richard Posted May 6, 2009 Share Posted May 6, 2009 Oh, I'm not complaining :winkold: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JoeFoSho Posted May 6, 2009 Share Posted May 6, 2009 February - 14 year old girl burns herself on a sunbed, in Barry, Wales. April - 10 year old girl suffers 70% burns after using a sunbed in Port Talbot, Wales. I know Simon Weston is a Welsh national hero but these girls have taken it a bit far. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Richard Posted May 6, 2009 Share Posted May 6, 2009 Following George Forman's example Ricky Hatton has gone into making kitchen accesories. He has brought out a line of toasters. Trouble is they don't do two rounds Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gort Posted May 7, 2009 Share Posted May 7, 2009 What do Ricky Hatton and Gary Glitter have in common?? They both went down after trying to take a little Philipino in the ring! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jackosotc Posted May 7, 2009 Share Posted May 7, 2009 After all the grief Jade Goody has been through I thought it was perticularly harsh for Michael Ballack to chase her for 40 yards after not recieving a penalty Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
villahero Posted May 7, 2009 Share Posted May 7, 2009 My Sat navs bloody playing up...It reckons Chelsea is only 2 minutes from Rome Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brumerican Posted May 7, 2009 Share Posted May 7, 2009 John Terry Feels that Chelsea were robbed last night. Now he knows how Tesco's feel after his mom has been there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stewiek2 Posted May 8, 2009 Share Posted May 8, 2009 I think Alan Shearer is doing a really good job at Newcastle. When he took over he was only asked to keep them in the league, but now I hear they have three cup finals to look forward to. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wainy316 Posted May 8, 2009 Share Posted May 8, 2009 Who's the coolest guy in the hospital? The Ultra Sound guy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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