Awol Posted March 20, 2009 Share Posted March 20, 2009 What's black and needs pressing? Liam Neeson's suit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
holtend4life Posted March 20, 2009 Share Posted March 20, 2009 What does a blues fan do when his team are beating real madrid? Switches the playstation off and goes back to bed with his sister. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rodders Posted March 20, 2009 Share Posted March 20, 2009 what's the difference between michael jackson and a greyhound? the greyhound waits for the hare. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jonno_2004 Posted March 20, 2009 Share Posted March 20, 2009 what's the difference between michael jackson and a greyhound? the greyhound waits for the hare. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gingerlad Posted March 21, 2009 Share Posted March 21, 2009 A guy goes to his local golf club and sees the most beautiful woman. He asks her to partner him in a game to which she agrees. She wipes the floor with him and as a runners up prize she gives him the best blowjob he's ever had. Obviously he invites her to do the same the week later, again she kicks his ass and gives him another mindblowing blowjob. He asks her if the next time she wins they can have full blown sex. She declines explaining that she's actually a transsexual. The man is going **** nuts, to which she enquires: "but you weren't complaining when I was giving you those amazing blowjobs". "**** the blowjobs" he says, "you've been playing off the **** women's tees!!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gingerlad Posted March 21, 2009 Share Posted March 21, 2009 Mummy takes little Johnny to the zoo. As they pass the elephant cage, the elephant has an erection. "What's that, Mummy?" asks the child. "Nothing, Johnny, nothing," says the embarrassed mother, swiftly leading him on. A week later Johnny's dad takes him and the same happens. "What's that, Daddy?" "That, son, is the elephant's penis." "Mummy said it was nothing." "Your mother's spoiled, Son!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gingerlad Posted March 21, 2009 Share Posted March 21, 2009 Gay Ray goes into the doctor's office and has some tests run. The doctor comes back and says, "Ray, I'm not going to beat around the bush. You have AIDS." Ray is devastated. "Doc, what can I do?" "Eat 1 curry sausage, 1 head of cabbage, 20 unpeeled carrots drenched in hot sauce, 10 Jalapeno peppers, 40 walnuts and 40 peanuts,1/2 box of Grape nuts cereal, and top it off with a gallon of prune juice." Ray asks bewildered, "Will that cure me, Doc? " Doc says, "No, but it should leave you with a better understanding of what your ****' arse is for." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gingerlad Posted March 21, 2009 Share Posted March 21, 2009 A guy walks into an elevator and stands next to a beautiful woman. After a few minutes he turns to her and says, "can I smell your pussy?" The woman looks at him in disgust and says, "certainly not!" "Hmmm," he replies. "It must be your feet then". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gingerlad Posted March 21, 2009 Share Posted March 21, 2009 Two Dyslexics working in a kitchen. The first say's "Can you smell Gas?" The second replies "I can't even smell my own name!!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gingerlad Posted March 21, 2009 Share Posted March 21, 2009 Christiano Ronaldo goes to the doctors and says "doctor every time I look in the mirror I get turned on" the doctor says "I'm not surprised you're a word removed!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gingerlad Posted March 21, 2009 Share Posted March 21, 2009 What's the difference between Bananaman and Superman? One's a fruit, one's a vegetable Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maqroll Posted March 21, 2009 Share Posted March 21, 2009 What's the difference between Bananaman and Superman? One's a fruit, one's a vegetable actually one's dead, but good effort Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted March 21, 2009 Share Posted March 21, 2009 I was walking through the park and I saw an old guy doing Tai Chi. I watched him for a while, marvelling at his moves. Only when I got closer did I see it was a tramp trying to put on his coat. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted March 21, 2009 Share Posted March 21, 2009 A man walks into a library and says, "I want a book by Shakespeare." "Which one?" she asks. "William, you stupid bastard," he replies. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted March 21, 2009 Share Posted March 21, 2009 My son asked me what the difference was between a pussy and a word removed. My wife was lying in bed naked so I lifted up the sheets and showed him a pussy. He was in awe, "It's wonderful dad, can I touch it?" "No," I replied. "If you touch the pussy, you'll wake the word removed up." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted March 21, 2009 Share Posted March 21, 2009 Who's the phantom joke deleter???? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
b23avfc Posted March 21, 2009 Share Posted March 21, 2009 I was walking through the park and I saw an old guy doing Tai Chi. I watched him for a while, marvelling at his moves. Only when I got closer did I see it was a tramp trying to put on his coat. I did actually LOL a little Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gingerlad Posted March 22, 2009 Share Posted March 22, 2009 Goodbye England's pig may you never grow in our heart You were the chav that placed herself where legs were spread apart. You called out to our racists and you whispered into their brain now you belong to Satan and you can't spell out your name And it seems to me you lived your life having Cancer In The Minge ever fading with the sunset when the pain set in and your trotters will always fall here along England's meanest swills your hair has fell out long before your fanny ever will Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ryanvilla_1994 Posted March 22, 2009 Share Posted March 22, 2009 Goodbye England's pig may you never grow in our heart You were the chav that placed herself where legs were spread apart. You called out to our racists and you whispered into their brain now you belong to Satan and you can't spell out your name And it seems to me you lived your life having Cancer In The Minge ever fading with the sunset when the pain set in and your trotters will always fall here along England's meanest swills your hair has fell out long before your fanny ever will lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ikantcpell Posted March 22, 2009 Share Posted March 22, 2009 A married couple have been stranded on a deserted island for many years. One day, another man washes up on shore. He and the wife become attracted to each other right away, but realize they must be creative if they are to engage in any hanky-panky. The husband, however, is very glad to see the second man there: "Now we will be able to have three people doing eight hour shifts in the watchtower, rather than two people doing 12-hour shifts." The newcomer is only too happy to help and in fact volunteers to do the first shift. He climbs up the tower to stand watch. Soon the married couple on the ground are placing stones in a circle to make a fire to cook supper. The second man yells down: "Hey, no screwing!" They yell back: "We're not screwing!" A few minutes later they start to put driftwood into the stone circle. Again the second man yells down: "Hey, no screwing!" Again they yell back: "We're not screwing!" Later they are putting palm leaves on the roof of their shack to patch leaks. Once again the second man yells down: "Hey, I said no screwing!" They yell back: "We're not screwing!" Eventually the shift is over and the second man climbs down from the tower to be replaced by the husband. He's not even halfway up before the wife and her new friend are hard at it. The husband looks out from the tower and says: "Son of a gun. From up here it DOES look like they're screwing Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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