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Have you ever enjoyed one of your farts?


ClaretMahoney
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Have you ever enjoyed one of your farts?  

64 members have voted

  1. 1. Have you ever enjoyed one of your farts?

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They still talk in hushed tones at work about me and "the dried apricots" day.

People were petioning my boss to send me home ill, despite me claiming I felt fine. - I'd ben eating the aformmentioned fruit, which includes a lot of fibre, and a but of sulphur apparantly as preservative.

Ok, I did get the shits with it for about half an hour, but everyone was "impressed" if thats the word, with an aroma that was making people gag physically 20 yards away. People were unable to continue to work at their desks close to the epicentre.

As a veggie I can be a bit windy, but "dried apricot" day was a very special day indeed.

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Well, it would be a happy hour indeed for me to see that scoreline. If Hull win, we should all get up off our knees, and perhaps unfurl our banners declaring it a flag day. I'd be anxious if it was still 0-0 at half time. After a pint of reverends revenge, I might be sitting on the fence thinking about who I'd prefer to win. If weveryone wanted a west ham win, I'ds not want to be a sheep like everyone else over there in the away end. I think, for a minute that a west ham win might help us, but if we're not deep into injury time with a goal up, thinking about the stewards letting us out into the night to celebrate our win and our freedom, then whats following football all about?

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I enjoyed one particularly loud one I dropped at the Open a few years back that caused Vijay Singh to step back from his putt amidst a ton of sniggering from the galleries - I used that trick that Chevy Chase did in 'Spies Like Us' and turned and gave the bloke next to me a thoroughly disgusted look, and everyone else copied me :D

Another all time great was the one I dropped on the dance floor of the Blue Angel in Seel St, Liverpool years ago. It was a studenty type place but I loved it there, tiny crowded dance floor whcih was great for cheap gropes. Anyway I'd had a bad sweet and sour the night before and one pump cleared the entire floor it was great. The scouse bird dancing next to me and my mate turned green and had her hand to her mouth trying to prevent herself from spewing, yes it was that bad. I didn't even attempt to blame anyone else for that one, I wanted all the credit.

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Could have heated the house for the coming winter with the amount of natural gas I've brewed this year. 20 years worth in 10 months I reckon.

Older VTers do you actually fart more now? Can I simply put it down to moving in with my veggie girlfriend? Bit of both?

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My farts are fine specimens, utilising a wide palette of aromas and scents to create a unique reaction in every situation.

I do enjoy my farts, because I can look forward to guessing what they will smell like next! I just fart when I'm bored, and playing 'Guess the smell' keeps me amused for the next 10 minutes.

Piece of advice, do not let off a squelcher just as you're moving in for the kill with a lady friend. It doesn't endear you to them. If it does, I would advise never seeing such lady friends again.

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