maqroll Posted April 29, 2009 Share Posted April 29, 2009 A friend at work asked me if I wanted to enter a run for the handicapped. I thought about it for a second and said, "Yeah, I could **** win this!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nigel Posted April 29, 2009 VT Supporter Share Posted April 29, 2009 A friend at work asked me if I wanted to enter a run for the handicapped. I thought about it for a second and said, "Yeah, I could **** win this!" quality ....but I say old bean, I think we've seen this somewhere before!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JoeFoSho Posted April 29, 2009 Share Posted April 29, 2009 So we've gone from a diseased racist pig, to a racist pig disease. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
paddy Posted April 29, 2009 Share Posted April 29, 2009 What's brown and sticky? A stick What's brown and runny? Linford Christie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wainy316 Posted April 30, 2009 Share Posted April 30, 2009 What's brown and rhymes with snoop? Dr Dre! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maqroll Posted April 30, 2009 Share Posted April 30, 2009 What's black and white and red all over? A nun who's been hacked to death by a machete-toting madman Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gingerlad Posted April 30, 2009 Share Posted April 30, 2009 Sex has gone down hill lately, so the missus bought a dildo, she said its shaped like a carrot. Which is ironic cause her fanny looks like a donkey yawning! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nigel Posted April 30, 2009 VT Supporter Share Posted April 30, 2009 As the two friends wandered through the snow on their way home, Piglet grinned to himself thinking how lucky he was to have a best mate like Pooh. Pooh thought to himself: "if the pig sneezes hes **** dead!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Villadevon Posted May 1, 2009 Share Posted May 1, 2009 A crusty old biker out on a long summer ride in the country pulls up to a tavern in the middle of no where, parks his bike and walks inside. As he passes through the swinging doors, he sees a sign hanging over the bar: COLD BEER: $2.00 HAMBURGER: $2.25 CHEESEBURGER: $2.50 CHICKEN SANDWICH : $3.50 HAND JOB: $50.00 Checking his wallet to be sure he has the necessary payment, the ole' biker walks up to the bar and beckons to the exceptionally attractive female bartender who is serving drinks to a couple of sun-wrinkled farmers. She glides down behind the bar to the ole biker. "Yes?" she inquires with a wide, knowing smile, "may I help you?" The ole biker leans over the bar, "I was wondering young lady," he whispers, "are you the one who gives the hand-jobs?" She looks into his eyes with that wide smile and purrs "Why yes, yes, I sure am". The ole' biker leans closer and into her left ear whispers softly, "Well, wash your hands real good, cause I want a cheeseburger". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted May 1, 2009 Share Posted May 1, 2009 David Sullivan and David Gold have turned down a £200 million shirt sponsorship deal witha leading dog food brand. Sullivan and Gold decided that having "Winalot" on the shirt would be just taking the piss *also in Lets Laugh at SHA thread* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AVFC-Prideofbrum Posted May 1, 2009 Share Posted May 1, 2009 I lost my virginity to a retarded girl last night... I wanted my first time to be special. ---------------- anyone read about that dwarf who got pickpocketed? how could someone stoop so low. --------------------- Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Juju Posted May 4, 2009 Share Posted May 4, 2009 (stolen from a NUFC forum.....) Miss Fritzl's Diary Wednesday - Stayed in got f***ed by daddy. Thursday- Stayed in Dad f***ed me doggy style Friday - Stayed in again Dad f***ed me in the ass Saturday - Went out to watch Newcastle, should of f***ing stayed in!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kurtsimonw Posted May 4, 2009 Share Posted May 4, 2009 Some of these are **** fantastic. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gingerlad Posted May 5, 2009 Share Posted May 5, 2009 I think my wife is cheating on me. Need advice big time. I’ve suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. The usual signs… Phone rings but if I answer, the caller hangs up. My wife has been going out with the girls a lot recently although when I ask their names she always says, "Just some friends from work, you don’t know them." I always stay awake to look out for her taxi coming home, but she always walks down the drive. Although I can hear a car driving off, as if she has gotten out of the car round the corner. Why? Maybe she wasn’t in a taxi? I once picked her cell phone up just to see what time it was and she went berserk and screamed that I should never touch her phone again and why was I checking up on her. Anyway, I have never approached the subject with my wife. I think deep down I just didn’t want to know the truth, but last night she went out again and I decided to really check on her. I decided I was going to park my Harley Davidson motorcycle next to the garage and then hide behind it so I could get a good view of the whole street when she came home. It was at that moment, crouching behind my Harley, that I noticed that the valve covers on my engine seemed to be leaking a little oil. Is this something I can fix myself or should I take it back to the dealer? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gingerlad Posted May 5, 2009 Share Posted May 5, 2009 Nicolas Cage has signed up to play Ricky Hatton in a movie about his life. The film is titled "Gone in Three Hundred and Sixty Seconds" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gingerlad Posted May 5, 2009 Share Posted May 5, 2009 You have to feel sorry for Ricky Hatton: the biggest fight of his life, in front of 30,000 fans and millions watching it live on TV... yet he has to watch the highlights just to see how it ended. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gingerlad Posted May 5, 2009 Share Posted May 5, 2009 Ricky Hatton should replace the girl on the speeding adverts. "Hit me at 20mph and there's a 20% I might block it. Hit me at 30mph and I'll be stone cold on the **** canvas." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gingerlad Posted May 5, 2009 Share Posted May 5, 2009 Statistically, only 2/12 Ricky Hatton fans will get his joke. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Qwpzxjor1 Posted May 5, 2009 Share Posted May 5, 2009 I'd like to see you tell these to his face Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gingerlad Posted May 5, 2009 Share Posted May 5, 2009 **** me! I've seen £20 whores takes less of a battering around the ring than Hatton!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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