LincsVilla Posted July 23, 2007 Share Posted July 23, 2007 May or may not have been said: There was a father and baby driving home from the supermarket when they are pulled over by the police. The father gets a ticket and as the copper is walking away the father goes, "BASTARD", to which the baby goes, "What does that mean, Daddy"?. "Policeman" replied the Father. Anyway, they get home and as they are walking in the father trips over the door man and goes, "SHIT", so the baby goes, "What does that mean Daddy?". The father replies, "Doormat". Anyway, the baby goes in to the kitchen and is cutting a chicken, and she cuts herself, and goes, "****", so the baby goes, "What does that mean?". The Mother replies, "Cutting.". Anyway, the Father is upstairs shaving and he cuts himself, and goes "BOLLOCKS" so the baby goes "What does that mean, Daddy.". The father replies, "Chin" Anyway, the door bell rings and Baby goes to answer it and it is the policeman, the baby goes"Oh, hello Mr Bastard, wipe your feet on the shit, Mums in the kitchen **** the chicked and Dads upstairs shaving his bollocks". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
villanmike Posted August 14, 2007 Share Posted August 14, 2007 What's the worst thing you can do to your Mrs during sex?... ....Phone her up! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Onelinedrawinguk Posted August 14, 2007 Share Posted August 14, 2007 A friend of mine told me this one in the pub a while back. What's the difference between a Pope and Madaline McCann? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zippy178 Posted August 14, 2007 Share Posted August 14, 2007 A friend of mine told me this one in the pub a while back. What's the difference between a Pope and Madaline McCann? I feel that after posting this, one of us will end up feeling stupid. Either you forgot to type the punchline, or I don't understand the joke. :roll: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Onelinedrawinguk Posted August 14, 2007 Share Posted August 14, 2007 There's a reason that i didn't post the punchline. Has anyone else heard it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted August 14, 2007 Share Posted August 14, 2007 No...do tell...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Onelinedrawinguk Posted August 14, 2007 Share Posted August 14, 2007 How crude do the jokes get in here? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gizmo Posted August 14, 2007 Share Posted August 14, 2007 ...at least the Pope died a virgin... If it's offensive jokes you're after, I recommend Sickipedia. I must warn you that practically every joke on there is offensive to somebody or other... but don't shoot the messenger! Sick (but funny) Jokes aplenty!. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
villab0y Posted August 14, 2007 Share Posted August 14, 2007 Sick... Funny, but sick... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
villab0y Posted August 14, 2007 Share Posted August 14, 2007 I got stung by a Bee yesterday... £50 for a jar of honey... Sorry........... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PaulTheVillan Posted August 22, 2007 Share Posted August 22, 2007 2 peanuts walk into a bar, 1 was assaulted Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wainy316 Posted August 22, 2007 Share Posted August 22, 2007 A guy walks into a bar with a cork shoved up his arse. The Bartender asks him how it happened so the guys sighs and says: "Well, I was walking along the beach when I came across this magic lantern. I picked it up and started to brush off the dirt when all of a sudden this genie pops out. The genie told me I could have three wishes and I said.. No shit!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TRL Posted August 22, 2007 Share Posted August 22, 2007 ...at least the Pope died a virgin... If it's offensive jokes you're after, I recommend Sickipedia. I must warn you that practically every joke on there is offensive to somebody or other... but don't shoot the messenger! Sick (but funny) Jokes aplenty!. The joke about the pedophile jew made me piss myself Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
paddy Posted September 4, 2007 Share Posted September 4, 2007 Why do the Irish always wear 2 condoms? To be sure, to be sure. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LT_1993 Posted September 6, 2007 Share Posted September 6, 2007 never buy a drawf with learning dissabilities............its not big and its not clever Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted September 6, 2007 Share Posted September 6, 2007 Doctor said "You've got to stop masturbating". patient says "Why?". Doctor said "Because I'm trying to examine you". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BOF Posted September 6, 2007 Moderator Share Posted September 6, 2007 I got stung by a Bee yesterday... £50 for a jar of honey... Sorry........... I'll admit that took me a while It's still bruuuuutal though Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stewiek2 Posted September 6, 2007 Share Posted September 6, 2007 Little Johnny walks into his parents bedroom to find his Dad giving his Mum one. His Dad smirks and throws a pillow at the door saying, "Get outta here, you little shit!" A couple of hours later Dad hears a whole lot of commotion coming from little Johnny's bedroom. He goes up to find little Johnny giving his Grandma a right royal seeing to. Little Johnny smiles, "It's not so **** funny when it's your Mum, is it?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BOF Posted September 6, 2007 Moderator Share Posted September 6, 2007 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stewiek2 Posted September 6, 2007 Share Posted September 6, 2007 This is a letter sent to Dear Deirdre of the Sun newspaper- I am a sailor in the merchant navy. My parents live in South London and one of my sisters, who lives in Brixton is married to a guy from Liverpool. My mother and father have recently been arrested for growing and selling marijuana and are currently dependant on my two sisters who are prostitutes. I have two brothers, one who is currently serving a non-parole life sentence in Wormwood Scrubs for the rape and murder of a teenage boy in 1994, the other is currently being held in Wandsworth on charges of incest on his three children. I have recently become engaged to marry a former Thai prostitute who is still a part time 'working girl' in a brothel, however her time there is limited as she has recently been infected with an STD. We intend to marry as soon as possible and are currently looking into the possibility of opening our own brothel with my fiancé utilising her knowledge of the industry working as a manager. I am hoping my two sisters would be interested in joining our team. Although I would prefer them not to prostitute themselves, it would at least get them off the streets, and hopefully the heroin. My problem is this: I love my fiancé and look forward to bringing her into the family, and of course I want to be totally honest with her. Should I tell her about my brother-in-law being a scouser? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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