il_serpente

A termite walks into a bar and asks, "is the bartender here?" A blind man walks into a bar. And a table. And a chair. A priest, a pedophile and a rapist walk into a bar. He orders a drink. Nurse says to the doctor, "There's an invisible man in the waiting room asking to see you" Doctor says, "Tell him I'm sorry, but I can't see him."

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Why the long face?" The horse says, "I'm a horse."

Did you hear about the elephant with diarrhea? No? I'm surprised. It's all over town. What do you give an elephant with diarrhea? Lots of room.

Didn't realize you lot were such a bunch of thinkers. Sometimes you just have to go along with the premise. I can see it now: "A horse walks into a bar..." "No way, a horse would never be allowed in the door!"

4 nuns are lined up at the pearly gates to try to get into heaven. St. Peter tells the first one that he assumes as a nun she has led a virtuous life and will be a shoo-in for admission. But he asks her first if she has any sins to confess to. She says, sheepishly, that she once watched one of the priests take a shower and saw his johnson. St. Peter tells her to take some holy water from the basin and rinse her eyes and then ushers her in. Similarly, St. Peter asks the second nun if she would like to confess to any sins. She admits that she and a priest fooled around once and she fondled him. St. Peter tells her to go rinse her hands in the holy water and go on in. Meanwhile, a scuffle has broken out between the third and fourht nun. St. Peter asks what's going on. The fourth nun says, "I'll be damned if I'm going to gargle with that water after she's washer her arse in it!"

3 Villa supporters and 3 Baggies supporters are at the station to catch a train to London to watch their teams play Spurs and Arsenal. The Baggies supporters go to the ticket window and say, "3 tickets to London, please" and pay. One of the Villans goes to the window and says, "One for London," and pays. The Baggies supporters are puzzled and ask how the 3 Villans can get to London on 1 ticket. The Villans say, "Watch." All 6 board the train and the conductor starts coming through the car to check tickets. The villans head into the loo (did I say that right? I'm 'murican) and lock the door. The conductor gets to the loo door, knocks, and says, "Ticket, please!" and the door opens a crack and an arm hands out a ticket. The Baggies are impressed. After Villa smashes Spurs and Arsenal have ripped WBA a new one, the 6 encounter each other again at the station to head home. One of the Baggies fans goes to the window and buys one ticket, feeling smug. the villans bypass the ticket window and get on the train. The Baggies ask, "How are you going to get home without a ticket?" and the villans say, "Watch." As the conductor starts going through the car, the Baggies supporters run off to the loo and go inside. The villans wait a minute, then one of them goes to the loo, knocks on the door and says, "Ticket, please!".

Adrian Durham thinks Westwood is exactly what Arsenal need. Who's Adrian Durham? Interesting to see someone rain on Arsenal's parade a little and remind them that Vill a were hit by a virus. Is he a Villa supporter?

Benteke could use a few ear-flicking pointers from Hazard next time the Belgium squad gets together.

I think everyone was assuming that he was going to be such an obvious step up from what we've had the last couple of season that he'd walk right into the side. He's shown that he needs a bit more time to come to grips with the Premier League but, more importantly, we've brought in Richardson and Cleverley who seem to have hit the ground running. With Delph(ino) and Westy(wood) continuing where they left off, Sanchez needs to earn a place or wait for one of the others to lose theirs with a dropoff in form. It's good that there will be less pressure on him initially and he can have time settle in. In the foreseeable future, I think we'll see him mostly as a sub or when Lambert is looking for something a little different tactically.

Oh good! I was afraid I'd missed out on the chance to argue about the Culverhouse and Karsa situtation and might actually have to post something related to Roy Keane on this thread. What a relief. Culverhouse out! Karsa out!

Weimann's ok at getting in good positions. The problem is when he has the ball and is not yet in a good position...

Don't think Lambert will change much from the winning team, with Sanchez and Cole's fitness levels in doubt a bit. I expect Guzan Hutton Senderos Vlaar Cissokho Westwood/Sanchez N'Zogbia Delph Richardson Weimann Gabby With Cole, Sanchez and Grealish all coming on at some point for Zog, Gabby and Westwood. I'd like to see: Guzan Hutton Senderos Vlaar Cissokho Sanchez Delph N'Zogbia Cole Grealish Weimann

Zog should stay only if he agrees to take no more than 3 touches in the Stoke half.

Man, folks must really want to believe we've turned the corner based on the assessments of the first half. Villa were the better team, to be sure, but that's not necessarily saying much. Defense has looked solid, which is a big plus, but my god some of the decisions and execution going forward have been pretty poor. At the tail end of last season a half like that would have caused people to say we'd have trouble staying in the Championship.

If you think it'll help I'll be happy to tell her I've got a headache tonight and encourage her to come round and see you...

In the U.S. a major league sports team doesn't necessarily have to do well to do well. You can thank legal protection from anti-trust laws and the lack of the relegation/promotion system that's prevalent in football leagues around the world. The major leagues are closed markets. The TV revenues are guaranteed indefinitely. Cities all want to be able to call themselves "major league cities" so they fund stadiums for use by the teams with tax dollars and give favorable deals on concession sales within the stadiums, tax breaks, etc. Teams threaten to move to another city if they don't get what they want and the cities usually give in, particularly in the smaller markets where insecurity about the city's status really makes them cherish the "major league" label. George W. Bush went from a failed business owner to a wealthy man when he got a sweetheart deal on the Texas Rangers and got serious favors from the local community if I recall correctly.

Remember that Vlaar was somewhat of a cheap gamble and happened to be one that paid off. Even with, say, 10 million to play with I'm not convinced that we could get a replacement that's a sure bet and willing to come here for Villa wages (or come here at all). We'll either end up with a known quantity that's a step down or will have to take another gamble, albeit with better odds of paying off, on a young or foreign player. We can't afford another gamble as his replacement.

Yeah anyone who briefly considers the appearance of another guy is a raging homo amirite? Don't you mean a raging homo ammonite? Is THAT why they all died out?! Nah, I think they reproduced asexually. Let's hope nobody on here tries that, regardless of what they think of young Jack's hair.

Looks like he's bulked up his arms with additional ink. It's important not to fall too far behind the competition in that arena.

And? It still has a 99.99% failure rate when it come to transfers. This is hardly gunna make me start believing anything that comes from Twitter. I guess we're signing Young too? Throw enough shit at the wall eventually some will stick. This guy probably did have some inside knowledge, but it gets lost in all the other shit. Oh I know and agree. I just wanted to focus on the shock that it came from twitter I hope you haven't jinxed it by expressing shock at a twitter rumour coming true before it has actually happened.

Not a swipe. I'm just a stickler for accuracy. I quite like Clark, actually. Mostly because he's not Baker. :-) And if that was the most unnecessary post you've seen on VT you're obviously not on here much!

Holt was signed because Kozak broke his leg. No. He was signed because Clark broke Kozak's leg....

Lambert knew what he was getting with Culverhouse and Karsa, too, though. Or so he thought. Just sayin'...

Yes, but for the genetically less fortunate, not so much!

If we sign him, let's hope it turns out to be a case of Lambert pulling a (White) Rabbit out of a hat. It's No Secret that we're not going to get quality any other way. We've been trying too long to win the America's cup with Wooden Ships.