leemond2008

I havent been to the dentist in years I know I should go but to be honest I am **** terrified of them

jesus I have actually just took a look at the mcleish thread that is absolutely genious man thats amazing

never understood people who jump up and run to the windows, if it has been snowing non stop for hours whilst I am at work then yeah i'll take a look to see if it is sticking or not purely on the basis that I wanna get home as swiftly as possible but some people literally find it impossible to work when it is snowing. **** idiots the bird that I was out with the other day when it was snowing decided to lie down and make a snow angel in the middle of the **** blizzard and when we got back to mine had the nerve to complain about being cold and wet idiot

I hate mcleish I think he should resign or die or both and the kit what the **** are they thinking we are aston villa or gods sake where is the **** general I wanna give him a piece of my mind sorry wrong thread

#001 - It is only acceptable to shag your mates sister if you have every intention of marrying her. PASS - Didn't do either. Thought about it, though. #002 - But always Joke about shagging your mates sister PASS #003 - Do not hug another man unless they have recently had someone close to them die. In that situation, make sure your hips don't touch, you slap them firmly on the back and that it does not last for more than two seconds PASS #004 Do not listen to Queen FAIL #005 Asking directions makes you a weak person. PASS #006 If you are considering keeping a diary/journal instantly seek medical consultation PASS #007a ALWAYS D.I.Y. PASS #007b-eat cold curry for breakfast PASS #008 It is only ever acceptable to put sun cream on another man if he lets you have sex with his wife/girlfriend/mum immediately after. PASS #009-masturbate daily even if you have a missus PASS #010a Being able to parrallel park FAIL CANT DRIVE #010b - never eat a curry unless it's at least madrass hot PASS #011- if you have a bird in your bed, be sure to Dutch oven her. If you don't then she was never really in your bed PASS #015 there is no point adhering to any other man rules if you own an electric mower it must be petrol FAIL - DONT OWN EITHER #016 if you can remember the colour of a girls eyes after the first date ..she's got small tits PASS #017- own a dog but never a cat PASS #018. Kill it quickly with a minimum of fuss. PASS #023 When camping, for cooking purposes a fire must be built from scratch...never ever use a camping stove! PASS #024 Under no circumstances may 2 men share an umbrella. PASS #025 Any man who brings a camera to a stag night may be legally killed and eaten by his friends. PASS #026 When on a coach trip for a lads day out/weekend, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest. PASS #263 its never ok to know the words to girls aloud songs, you can watch the videos as much as you want but your telly should always be on mute PASS #027a When stumbling upon other blokes watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing. PASS #027b You must have a favourite, Boxer, Whiskey and Pornstar. PASS #028 Never tell another man he's "flying low", it's his problem! PASS #029 Women who claim they "love watching football" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to explain the offside rule. PASS #030 The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox 360, End of story. PASS #031 and the Xbox 360 must be bought on christmas eve DEFINATE PASS #035- own at least 3 films starring Clint eastwood PASS #036 But only own Bridges of Madison County, or Paint your Wagon if you own ALL films by Clint Eastwood. PASS (don't have either) #037 Don't talk in bumper stickers DONT HAVE A CLUE WHAT THIS ONE IS ON ABOUT #043 - never read the instructions, just get on with it. PASS #047 ignore any health issues until patently too late to do anything about it PASS #048 always go one mile further than last time the petrol tank said empty PASS #057 - do not look at the ingredients on a tin of "food", simply heat it up and scoff it from the can. PASS #057 - The only soap to be used is Swarfega. PROBABLY A FAIL I DONT KNOW WHAT I USE I JUST GRAB WHATEVER IS TO HAND #074 Do not eat mayonaisse. It is French, ghey, resembles semen and just about every other sauce is superior. Your sandwich deserves better. PASS HATE THE STUFF #076 You must drink a can of beer on the train, no matter how short the journey. PASS #081- washing up dishes????? FAIL - #083- always tell everyone possible when you have had a monster shit and go into as much detail as possible PASS #108 It is acceptable to be friends with a gay man, but his name must always be prefixed by the word 'gay'. (ie gay Tony) PASS #210 Real men hunt in packs. FAIL #349 - You must watch Die Hard, Predator and Aliens at least once a year each. PASS #410- baked beans are to be eaten cold, straight out of the tin FAIL HATE BEANS #442 Take pride in your farts, even to the point of bragging about them. PASS #451 A poo is the most relaxing part of the day. Spend at least 30 minutes over it and don't forget some light reading. PASS

yup I agree with this completely, I aint been to a club or anything like that in nearly 2 years, cant be arsed for it there are too many dickheads around these days FWIW i'm not yet 30.

#263 its never ok to know the words to girls aloud songs, you can watch the videos as much as you want but your telly should always be on mute

I once gave my mate some money in a club cuz he was skint, about £30 if I remember correctly anyway these bouncers come over and demand that I empty my pockets because I was obviously dealing drugs, once I had turned my pockets out they told me to take my shoes off to make sure there was nothing in there, I took my first shoe off and as I was taking the second one off I kind of flicked it off my foot and it landed near the bouncers foot, they then accused me of trying to kick my shoe off at his face or something like that and hoofed me out onto the street shoeless. It was the middle of winter and they wouldnt let me back in to get my coat and wouldnt get my shoes lol, after about 1/2 hour I managed to get through to my mate who promptly delivered my footwear and then went back inside to get my coat and then we fooked off somewhere else bastards I used to get on really well with the bouncer from the acadamy (he looked like robbie carlisle) once my mate was **** steaming and I had to get him home the bouncer said 'yeah no problems just come and grab me and I'll let you back in. upon getting back to the club he was rolling around on the floor scrapping with some kid he stopped and said 'yeah carry on through mate' at this point the kid smacked him rite on his jaw and the bouncer turned and looked at me and said '**** me he's trying to fight back' and levelled him with one punch the kid was spark out, that was quite funny once I got thrown out of the acadamy as well cuz some dickhead tried to start on me for no reason, when I was outside robbie carlisle came over to ask what had happened I explained the situation and he radioed through to all the others and gave them my description and told them I was coming back in and to turn a blind eye when I kick the **** out of the kid, I declined the offer though lol

#31 and the Xbox 360 must be bought on christmas eve

jesus christ i'm so **** bored I feel really restless like I wanna do something but dont know what, ive been lying in bed since about 8 o'clock listening to music and watching this forum in the hope that there will be a sudden influx of posts to alleviate my boredom but so far no joy I need something to do man, tonight I have played me guitar practised the keyboard watched emerdale had some marmite and cheese on toast and txt a few people...my god I'm going crazy

blind faith - had to cry today

83- always tell everyone possible when you have had a monster shit and go into as much detail as possible

17- own a dog but never a cat

35- own at least 3 films starring Clint eastwood

10- never eat a curry unless it's at least madrass hot 11- if you have a bird in your bed, be sure to Dutch oven her. If you don't then she was never really in your bed

9-masturbate daily even if you have a missus

7-eat cold curry for breakfast

I completely agree mate, Ive recently discovered that it isnt very hard to make these little gestures and they dont haveto be overly soppy or expensive at all and is always pretty well appreciated cant see the point in going all out for one day just because everyone else is waste of time

brilliant post MMfy

i'm sure thats a bindunne

i'm down with that lol oh yeah I have just remembered the copper that arrested me was a PC wadsworth, with a name like that he was born to be a copper

You haven't slep with a policeman's wife as well have you? :winkold: bwahaha nah not as far as i'm aware anyway just for the record they aint actually married

oh yeah I once stopped to help a girl who was getting battered by some bloke he ran off and she was blatently out of her face on pills or something and tried to walk in front of a bus, I stayed with her the police arrived and searched me and accused me of giving her drugs and gave me a right grilling and threatened to arrest me even though I was explaining that I had never met her before and stayed with her purely to stop her from doing any harm to herself, they really wound her up and she went to slap one of them at which point two coppers dragged her to the floor and arrested her, to say the were heavy handed would be a massive understatement. all they needed to do was take her back throw her in a cell until she sorted herself out and then let her out in the morning but she probably ended up with being charged with assaulting an officer or something

pretty damn negative for me once I got the living shits kicked out of me at 4 o'clock in the morning by some scumbag from kingstanding (I hadn't even had a drink by the way because it was the day before the start of the season and we were playing Liverpool and I didn't wanna start the season with a hangover) anyway after my face met the arseholes rockport about 25 times and he ran off the police arrived and had a rite good laugh at the fact that my nose was broken, the fact that I was near unconcious the last thing you expect is to hear two police laughing at you because you have had your nose bost open through no fault of your own, the fact that I was rushed to hospital for brain scans didnt seem to bother them at all. then there was the time I was arrested and accused of being D & D because someone tried to start a scrap on me then there was the time (I was only a babby here, probably about 13) and I had my phone stolen from out of my hand and they found this rather humerous as well. there are others but I cant remember them off the top of my head oh yeah I was accused of attempting to rape a girl when she was drunk as well

I'm planning on turning my bedroom into a masturbation furnace on valentines day. Even if I could do something I wouldnt, load of old bollocks it is...unless the bird is going to let you do her up the wrong'un then there is no point of the whole day. I take the same sort of attitude to it as I do halloween and new years eve and bonfire night and all the other pointless shite that people buy into Maybe I'm just a miserable bastard lol