Irreverentad's Relationship Advice Thread

[Shillzz]

Ooh yeah, I had forgotten about your living arrangements. I think that makes what you did entirely acceptable, though if I may add, your current other half sounds like a bit of a gem in being so understanding.

[irreverentad]

Ooh yeah, I had forgotten about your living arrangements. I think that makes what you did entirely acceptable, though if I may add, your current other half sounds like a bit of a gem in being so understanding.

She is amazing. I have never clicked with anyone than I have with her. She is amazingly understanding, but I think that has been helped by the fact I have been 100% honest from the start and she knows that she gets first dibs on my spare time.

But, yup she is a diamond!

[ED]

Right here we go long post but please bare with!

This is an account of the crap night I had that culminated in me getting only 40 mins sleep.

The ex-wife has been away this weekend. She didnt tell me where she was going and nor should she. She text me at 6pm to tell me she was on her way back and would be back by 7:30pm. By about 10pm I was starting to get concerned so I called her and her phone didn't ring and went straight to voicemail. It got to about 12am and I left a voicemail asking her to call me just to check she is ok. I was getting really concerned by 1am so I decided to call her mum to see if she had heard anything or knew where she was. She didn't unfortunately but she was now panicked and waited up all night.

I called the police to see if she had been in a road accident and some of the local hospitals. By this stage her mum was scared as was I. We kept sending texts and voice mails but had no reply.

At 3am I spoke to her mum and we both decided that as I knew her mobile phone account password we should text some of the common numbers just to see if anyone knew where she was or what time she had left.

The Ex came back at 6:45am this morning and walked through the door. Nothing wrong, she had just decided to stay another night but didn't think to text. The fact is if she had not have texted the day before telling me she had set off, I would have assumed that she had stayed over. She apologised as her battery was dead and after she listened to the messages she realised that she had caused panic and apologised.

But then I told her I had gone on line and got her mates' numbers and texted them. She went nuts. Now I understand that it was an invasion of privacy but surely it was warrented, wasn't it?

As it happens it turns out one of the numbers I texted was her new lover, who is a woman!!! She hadn't told her that she is still married.

Now I want to make it clear that I don't have any more feeling for the ex and I would do the same for any of my friends, especially if they were female. But after she texted and her mum was upset I felt I had no choice but to text her most common numbers.

She says I was out of order. Was I?

Wait, do you live with your ex-wife then? Why should you give a shit anymore?

And for the record, phoning around the hospitals and ringing the police because someone is a few hours late? Wow, maybe if they were missing for a day or 2.

[irreverentad]

Right here we go long post but please bare with!

This is an account of the crap night I had that culminated in me getting only 40 mins sleep.

The ex-wife has been away this weekend. She didnt tell me where she was going and nor should she. She text me at 6pm to tell me she was on her way back and would be back by 7:30pm. By about 10pm I was starting to get concerned so I called her and her phone didn't ring and went straight to voicemail. It got to about 12am and I left a voicemail asking her to call me just to check she is ok. I was getting really concerned by 1am so I decided to call her mum to see if she had heard anything or knew where she was. She didn't unfortunately but she was now panicked and waited up all night.

I called the police to see if she had been in a road accident and some of the local hospitals. By this stage her mum was scared as was I. We kept sending texts and voice mails but had no reply.

At 3am I spoke to her mum and we both decided that as I knew her mobile phone account password we should text some of the common numbers just to see if anyone knew where she was or what time she had left.

The Ex came back at 6:45am this morning and walked through the door. Nothing wrong, she had just decided to stay another night but didn't think to text. The fact is if she had not have texted the day before telling me she had set off, I would have assumed that she had stayed over. She apologised as her battery was dead and after she listened to the messages she realised that she had caused panic and apologised.

But then I told her I had gone on line and got her mates' numbers and texted them. She went nuts. Now I understand that it was an invasion of privacy but surely it was warrented, wasn't it?

As it happens it turns out one of the numbers I texted was her new lover, who is a woman!!! She hadn't told her that she is still married.

Now I want to make it clear that I don't have any more feeling for the ex and I would do the same for any of my friends, especially if they were female. But after she texted and her mum was upset I felt I had no choice but to text her most common numbers.

She says I was out of order. Was I?

Wait, do you live with your ex-wife then? Why should you give a shit anymore?

And for the record, phoning around the hospitals and ringing the police because someone is a few hours late? Wow, maybe if they were missing for a day or 2.

Yup still live with her. I care because we are friends and I still feel a responsibility to her parents.

She was 11 and a half hours late after she had text to say she was setting off. It was massively out of character and worrying enough for even her mother to be seriously concerned.

[wiggyrichard]

Right here we go long post but please bare with!

This is an account of the crap night I had that culminated in me getting only 40 mins sleep.

The ex-wife has been away this weekend. She didnt tell me where she was going and nor should she. She text me at 6pm to tell me she was on her way back and would be back by 7:30pm. By about 10pm I was starting to get concerned so I called her and her phone didn't ring and went straight to voicemail. It got to about 12am and I left a voicemail asking her to call me just to check she is ok. I was getting really concerned by 1am so I decided to call her mum to see if she had heard anything or knew where she was. She didn't unfortunately but she was now panicked and waited up all night.

I called the police to see if she had been in a road accident and some of the local hospitals. By this stage her mum was scared as was I. We kept sending texts and voice mails but had no reply.

At 3am I spoke to her mum and we both decided that as I knew her mobile phone account password we should text some of the common numbers just to see if anyone knew where she was or what time she had left.

The Ex came back at 6:45am this morning and walked through the door. Nothing wrong, she had just decided to stay another night but didn't think to text. The fact is if she had not have texted the day before telling me she had set off, I would have assumed that she had stayed over. She apologised as her battery was dead and after she listened to the messages she realised that she had caused panic and apologised.

But then I told her I had gone on line and got her mates' numbers and texted them. She went nuts. Now I understand that it was an invasion of privacy but surely it was warrented, wasn't it?

As it happens it turns out one of the numbers I texted was her new lover, who is a woman!!! She hadn't told her that she is still married.

Now I want to make it clear that I don't have any more feeling for the ex and I would do the same for any of my friends, especially if they were female. But after she texted and her mum was upset I felt I had no choice but to text her most common numbers.

She says I was out of order. Was I?

Ad...mate...you still love your ex. Not in love with her, but you do love her. Not saying thats a bad thing or you should try and get back with her (no chance of that as she's obviously more bent than a £9 note), just saying that you still love her.

I can see both sides of the story to be honest. I understand you were concerned and took steps to ensure she was ok, thats only natural being that you still have feelings for her (dont deny it, remember there is a difference between loving someone and being in love with someone) and i would have done the same. On the other hand, i can see why she is pissed off. Why does she have to confirm her plans with you anymore? Your not together.

Its a tough one mate.

[wiggyrichard]

I will add, that it probably amplifies the situation being as you still live under the same roof. Reading your original post again mate, she texted you to tell you when she would be home so has started the whole situation off. She doesnt text you, there is no issue.

Like i said before, i see both sides of the arguement and to be fair both sides are perfectly valid.

[b6bloke]

I think you did the right thing, I see no reason why you shouldnt be concerned because it would be strange if you didnt care as it is one of these "I love her but not in love with her" things. You cnat spend so much time with someone to just turn off caring and she and you have been brilliant in how the whole split has gone through.

Not many exes would take well to you seeing someone even if they didnt want you!

She is just pissed that you messaged her lover AND more that you had to find out because she would have not only been worried that you would judge her but that you would of been angry that she split with you for a woman as a lot of blokes would have been gutted and have started to question themselves. I think once she sees that you have not reacted how she thought you would she will be ok.

She should have been honest with her new bird and thats her problem to deal with but maybe it was meant to be this way for her.

On a seperate note I cant wait for you to meet her new bit of stuff as I think you will find a certain amount of hate and jealousy from her in that she has to picture that horrid thought of her new woman taking cock!!! The child in me would like to come out with things on the sly like "your missus sucks cock soooo good! shame you will never know" or "I would check the dates that you first went with her as you might of accidentally tasted a bit of my jizzum"

[irreverentad]

I will add, that it probably amplifies the situation being as you still live under the same roof. Reading your original post again mate, she texted you to tell you when she would be home so has started the whole situation off. She doesnt text you, there is no issue.

Like i said before, i see both sides of the arguement and to be fair both sides are perfectly valid.

That was the issue buddy. I genuinely would not have been bothered if she hadn't of text me. Why did she? Surely she wanted someone to look out for her if she wasn't back in time.

She doesn't have to confirm her plans to me. But the fact she text me **** it all up. If she didn't text I wouldn't have been bothered.

Of course I have feelings as I would hate to see her in a ditch somewhere or in a crash. BUT I am fully over her and would not want to go back there. I love my new girlfriend massively and much more than I ever loved the ex. I genuinely feel happy for the ex that she has met someone new. It makes me feel less guilty about being happy with the new girlfriend. Another thing I don't understand. Why do I feel guilty when she finished with me????? aaaarghhh!

I think my problem is I am a nice, decent guy who tries to please everyone all of the time. In the end I am the one who always gets **** over.

[wiggyrichard]

I will add, that it probably amplifies the situation being as you still live under the same roof. Reading your original post again mate, she texted you to tell you when she would be home so has started the whole situation off. She doesnt text you, there is no issue.

Like i said before, i see both sides of the arguement and to be fair both sides are perfectly valid.

That was the issue buddy. I genuinely would not have been bothered if she hadn't of text me. Why did she? Surely she wanted someone to look out for her if she wasn't back in time.

She doesn't have to confirm her plans to me. But the fact she text me **** it all up. If she didn't text I wouldn't have been bothered.

Of course I have feelings as I would hate to see her in a ditch somewhere or in a crash. BUT I am fully over her and would not want to go back there. I love my new girlfriend massively and much more than I ever loved the ex. I genuinely feel happy for the ex that she has met someone new. It makes me feel less guilty about being happy with the new girlfriend. Another thing I don't understand. Why do I feel guilty when she finished with me????? aaaarghhh!

I think my problem is I am a nice, decent guy who tries to please everyone all of the time. In the end I am the one who always gets **** over.

What do you feel guilty about mate?

[irreverentad]

I think you did the right thing, I see no reason why you shouldnt be concerned because it would be strange if you didnt care as it is one of these "I love her but not in love with her" things. You cnat spend so much time with someone to just turn off caring and she and you have been brilliant in how the whole split has gone through.

Not many exes would take well to you seeing someone even if they didnt want you!

She is just pissed that you messaged her lover AND more that you had to find out because she would have not only been worried that you would judge her but that you would of been angry that she split with you for a woman as a lot of blokes would have been gutted and have started to question themselves. I think once she sees that you have not reacted how she thought you would she will be ok.

She should have been honest with her new bird and thats her problem to deal with but maybe it was meant to be this way for her.

On a seperate note I cant wait for you to meet her new bit of stuff as I think you will find a certain amount of hate and jealousy from her in that she has to picture that horrid thought of her new woman taking cock!!! The child in me would like to come out with things on the sly like "your missus sucks cock soooo good! shame you will never know" or "I would check the dates that you first went with her as you might of accidentally tasted a bit of my jizzum"

Cheers mate.

In many ways I feel alot better knowing that she is a lesbian. It kind of means I did nothing wrong and it didn't work out because of what I am , rather than anything I did. Does that make sense?

Haha it would be funny. But again my only thoughts are I hope she is happier now. Again my 'nice guy' affliction sets in!!!

[irreverentad]

I will add, that it probably amplifies the situation being as you still live under the same roof. Reading your original post again mate, she texted you to tell you when she would be home so has started the whole situation off. She doesnt text you, there is no issue.

Like i said before, i see both sides of the arguement and to be fair both sides are perfectly valid.

That was the issue buddy. I genuinely would not have been bothered if she hadn't of text me. Why did she? Surely she wanted someone to look out for her if she wasn't back in time.

She doesn't have to confirm her plans to me. But the fact she text me **** it all up. If she didn't text I wouldn't have been bothered.

Of course I have feelings as I would hate to see her in a ditch somewhere or in a crash. BUT I am fully over her and would not want to go back there. I love my new girlfriend massively and much more than I ever loved the ex. I genuinely feel happy for the ex that she has met someone new. It makes me feel less guilty about being happy with the new girlfriend. Another thing I don't understand. Why do I feel guilty when she finished with me????? aaaarghhh!

I think my problem is I am a nice, decent guy who tries to please everyone all of the time. In the end I am the one who always gets **** over.

What do you feel guilty about mate?

I have felt guilty about moving on and finding someone else. Also about finding someone who I love more that I did her. Also have felt guilty about sharing my life with someone, going out, intamcy etc while she was at home on her own.

Does that make sense?

I know it is odd as she finished the relationship, but I just wanted us both to move on so neither of us felt left behind.

It is stupidly punishing myself.

[Dante_Lockhart]

In other news I've been with my missus now for 10 weeks. Seems like nothing and feels like we've been together forever. I've never felt this way about anyone before, and I've been previously engaged so it shows what a sham that was.

I'm totally happy with her and I'm looking forward to being with her for the foreseeable future.

[wiggyrichard]

I will add, that it probably amplifies the situation being as you still live under the same roof. Reading your original post again mate, she texted you to tell you when she would be home so has started the whole situation off. She doesnt text you, there is no issue.

Like i said before, i see both sides of the arguement and to be fair both sides are perfectly valid.

That was the issue buddy. I genuinely would not have been bothered if she hadn't of text me. Why did she? Surely she wanted someone to look out for her if she wasn't back in time.

She doesn't have to confirm her plans to me. But the fact she text me **** it all up. If she didn't text I wouldn't have been bothered.

Of course I have feelings as I would hate to see her in a ditch somewhere or in a crash. BUT I am fully over her and would not want to go back there. I love my new girlfriend massively and much more than I ever loved the ex. I genuinely feel happy for the ex that she has met someone new. It makes me feel less guilty about being happy with the new girlfriend. Another thing I don't understand. Why do I feel guilty when she finished with me????? aaaarghhh!

I think my problem is I am a nice, decent guy who tries to please everyone all of the time. In the end I am the one who always gets **** over.

What do you feel guilty about mate?

I have felt guilty about moving on and finding someone else. Also about finding someone who I love more that I did her. Also have felt guilty about sharing my life with someone, going out, intamcy etc while she was at home on her own.

Does that make sense?

I know it is odd as she finished the relationship, but I just wanted us both to move on so neither of us felt left behind.

It is stupidly punishing myself.

You need to stop beating yourself up dude. Like you say, harsh as it may sound, she finished with you so **** her! I know what you mean about the being intimate with someone else while she is in the other room but thats just one of those things that come with the arrangement you currently have.

You've moved on and your happy, she as moved on is happy, whats the problem?

But i will say that while you are living under the same issue, neither of you will be able to move on completely. Thus shown by the antics over the weekend.

[irreverentad]

I will add, that it probably amplifies the situation being as you still live under the same roof. Reading your original post again mate, she texted you to tell you when she would be home so has started the whole situation off. She doesnt text you, there is no issue.

Like i said before, i see both sides of the arguement and to be fair both sides are perfectly valid.

That was the issue buddy. I genuinely would not have been bothered if she hadn't of text me. Why did she? Surely she wanted someone to look out for her if she wasn't back in time.

She doesn't have to confirm her plans to me. But the fact she text me **** it all up. If she didn't text I wouldn't have been bothered.

Of course I have feelings as I would hate to see her in a ditch somewhere or in a crash. BUT I am fully over her and would not want to go back there. I love my new girlfriend massively and much more than I ever loved the ex. I genuinely feel happy for the ex that she has met someone new. It makes me feel less guilty about being happy with the new girlfriend. Another thing I don't understand. Why do I feel guilty when she finished with me????? aaaarghhh!

I think my problem is I am a nice, decent guy who tries to please everyone all of the time. In the end I am the one who always gets **** over.

What do you feel guilty about mate?

I have felt guilty about moving on and finding someone else. Also about finding someone who I love more that I did her. Also have felt guilty about sharing my life with someone, going out, intamcy etc while she was at home on her own.

Does that make sense?

I know it is odd as she finished the relationship, but I just wanted us both to move on so neither of us felt left behind.

It is stupidly punishing myself.

You need to stop beating yourself up dude. Like you say, harsh as it may sound, she finished with you so **** her! I know what you mean about the being intimate with someone else while she is in the other room but thats just one of those things that come with the arrangement you currently have.

You've moved on and your happy, she as moved on is happy, whats the problem?

But i will say that while you are living under the same issue, neither of you will be able to move on completely. Thus shown by the antics over the weekend.

Ah we never bring anyone back to the house out of respect. So i feel guilt when I am at the girlfriends.

As I said I feel less guilty now I know she has found someone.

I agree on the house thing.

Also I am a bit miffed why she didn't tell me the real reason for us splitting. It would have helped give me a bit of closure on the first couple of months straight after it happened.

[irreverentad]

I am a great advice giver when it comes to relationships. If I was looking at my situation from a far I would be saying exactly the same......"**** her" "why do you care?" "concentrate on your new relationship" etc.

I am just too much of an idiot to take my own advice!!!

[irreverentad]

Off to Yorkshire this weekend. It is a belated birthday present from the Girlfriend. I am getting a tour around my favourite Brewery and 'Anything I want' night in a hotel too!!!!

[Eames]

Off to Yorkshire this weekend. It is a belated birthday present from the Girlfriend. I am getting a tour around my favourite Brewery and 'Anything I want' night in a hotel too!!!!

Room Sevice?

[irreverentad]

Off to Yorkshire this weekend. It is a belated birthday present from the Girlfriend. I am getting a tour around my favourite Brewery and 'Anything I want' night in a hotel too!!!!

Room Sevice?

Haha well I will start with the legs then the breasts. But I will leave her the bone!!!! She loves chicken :winkold:

Wondering how much to 'ramp' things up fo 'Anything I want Night'......I feel like I should do something spectacular for it. It is like going to a chinese buffet you just want everything!!!

[mjmooney]

Paging rjw63...

[irreverentad]

Paging rjw63...

Rob's fetish for the gluteus maximus is not really my scene. Although she has offered it enough!