villab0y Posted December 20, 2005 Share Posted December 20, 2005 why did the dog fall out the tree? cause it was dead..... sorry. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lexicon Posted December 21, 2005 Share Posted December 21, 2005 why did the dog fall out the tree? cause it was dead..... sorry. the 'sorry' made that funniest! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lexicon Posted December 21, 2005 Share Posted December 21, 2005 Right guys, dont know if this has been posted, as frankly i cant be arsed to check 60 odd pages - Dear Technical Support, _________________________________________________________ 18 months ago, I upgraded to Girlfriend 1.0 from DrinkingMates 4.2, which I had used for years without any trouble. However, there are apparently conflicts between these two products and the only solution was to try and run Girlfriend 1.0 with the sound turned off. To make matters worse, Girlfriend 1.0 is incompatible with several other applications, such as LadsNightOut 3.1, Football 4.5, and Playboy 6.9. Successive versions of Girlfriend proved no better. I tried a shareware program, Slapper 2.1, but it had many bugs and left a virus in my system, forcing me to shut down completely for several weeks. Eventually, I tried to run Girlfriend 1.2 and Girlfriend 1.0 at the same time, only to discover that when these two systems detected each other they caused severe damage to my hardware. I eventually upgraded to Fiancée 1.0, only to discover that this product soon had to be upgraded further to Wife 1.0. While Wife 1.0 tends to use up all my available resources, it does come bundled with FreeSexPlus and Cleansocks2005. Shortly after this upgrade, however, I found that Wife 1.0 could be very unstable and costly to run. Any mistakes I made were automatically stored in Wife 1.0's memory and could not be deleted. They then resurfaced months later when I had forgotten about them. Wife 1.0 also has an automatic Diary, Explorer and E-mail filter, and can, without warning, launch TurboStrop and Multi-Whinge. These latter products have no Help files, and I have to try to guess what the problem is. Additional problems are that Wife 1.0 needs updating regularly, requiring ShoeShop Browser for new attachments and Hairstyle Express which needs to be reinstalled every other week. Also, when Wife 1.0 attaches itself to my XK8 Convertible hard drive, it often crashes. Wife 1.0 also comes with an irritating pop-up called MotherInLaw, which can't be turned off. Recently I've been tempted to install Mistress 2003,but there could be problems. A friend of mine has alerted me to the fact that if Wife 1.0 detects Mistress 2003, it tends to delete all of your Money before uninstalling itself. Help requested please Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
villab0y Posted December 21, 2005 Share Posted December 21, 2005 now thats funny! funny cause its true! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LancsVillan Posted December 21, 2005 Moderator Share Posted December 21, 2005 boy:knock knock mum:whos there boy:boo mum:boo who boy: no need to cry its only a joke Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yesnomaybe16 Posted December 22, 2005 Share Posted December 22, 2005 What do you call a black man who flies a plane? A pilot you **** racist. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Designer1 Posted December 22, 2005 VT Supporter Share Posted December 22, 2005 The Christmas Parrot One Christmas Eve, a frenzied young man ran into a pet shop looking for an unusual Christmas gift for his wife. The shop owner suggested a parrot, named Chet, which could sing famous Christmas carols. This seemed like the perfect gift. "How do I get him to sing?" The young man asked, excitedly. "Simply hold a lighted match directly under his feet." was the shop owner's reply. The shop owner held a lighted match under the parrot's left foot. Chet began to sing: "Jingle Bells! Jingle Bells! ..." The shop owner then held another match under the parrot's right foot. Then Chet's tune changed, and the air was filled with: " Silent Night, Holy Night..." The young man was so impressed that he paid the shop-keeper and ran home as quickly as he could with Chet under his arm. When the wife saw her gift she was overwhelmed. "How beautiful!" She exclaimed, "Can he talk?" "No," the young man replied, "But he can sing. Let me show you." So the young man whipped out his lighter and placed it under Chet's left foot, as the shop-keeper had shown him, and Chet crooned: "Jingle Bells! Jingle bells!..." The man then moved the lighter to Chet's right foot, and out came: "Silent Night, Holy night..." The wife, her face filled with curiosity, then asked, "What if we hold the lighter between his legs?" The man did not know. "Let's try it," he answered, eager to please his wife. So they held the lighter between Chet's legs. Chet twisted his face, cleared his throat, and the little parrot sang out loudly like it was the performance of his life: "Chet's nuts roasting on an open fire...." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest RantinRob Posted December 22, 2005 Share Posted December 22, 2005 boy:knock knock mum:whos there boy:boo mum:boo who boy: no need to cry its only a joke Did you steal that one from Cresswell's Crap Joke Book :winkold: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Justin Posted December 22, 2005 Share Posted December 22, 2005 boy:knock knock mum:whos there boy:boo mum:boo who boy: no need to cry its only a joke Did you steal that one from Cresswell's Crap Joke Book :winkold: What do you mean? That used to be my favourite joke too Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TRL Posted December 22, 2005 Share Posted December 22, 2005 What do you call the employes at Blizzard? words removed BAHAHAHHAHAHA :evil: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marks61 Posted December 23, 2005 Share Posted December 23, 2005 mmmmmmmm you had a run in with them then Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MilansMate Posted December 24, 2005 Share Posted December 24, 2005 what do u get if u cross a priest with a pasty? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MilansMate Posted December 24, 2005 Share Posted December 24, 2005 ......a priesty Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Demitri_C Posted December 24, 2005 Share Posted December 24, 2005 what do elfs learn at school? the elfabet :oops: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kalim_a Posted December 24, 2005 Share Posted December 24, 2005 what do elfs learn at school? the elfabet :oops: Did you go to school with Cresswell? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
3_Penny_Opera Posted December 25, 2005 Share Posted December 25, 2005 Knock Knock. Who's There? Boo. Boo, who? Why ya cryin? Just joking, I wanted to tell you lot there's a joke yous should check out in my World Chili Cookoff Championship thread I just posted. See you there! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Demitri_C Posted December 26, 2005 Share Posted December 26, 2005 Did you go to school with Cresswell? yeah for jokes i did. :winkold: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hev Posted December 27, 2005 Share Posted December 27, 2005 A man went to a fancy dress party just in a pair of Y Fronts - when asked what he was supposed to be he said "a premature ejaculation" - cos he had just come in his pants!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest RantinRob Posted December 27, 2005 Share Posted December 27, 2005 ^^^ Oh dear, one of Johns? :-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sheriffvilla Posted January 1, 2006 Share Posted January 1, 2006 Jeremy Beadle was at home 'pleasuring himself', when he thought "Bloody hell my c**k is small. But in the other hand it is f'n massive!!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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