chrisp65

Right now Eric Black is proper stressing over who the hell he drops if we get Bale in for next season.

Spelling varies across the various countries. I guess I have to vote for 'other' as we've only got Irish, American or Scotch on the list. (faux chippy pedantry aside, it is actually a good drink)

red sky at night Villans delight here's hoping for a sensible, ambitious, lucky, competitive, entertaining and competent future not much to ask is it!

Pretty, well 'Priti' is the name of an MP, Priti Patel. Patel, Petal. How many petals on a flower? Eight. If you had eight girls to every boy that would be more than the beach boys, which means.....you've missed out on this week's star prize, a speedboat.

Eventually it will just be catholic priests, and then we'll all be buggered.

woah! woah! wwwwooooaaahhh!! Are we watching or playing?

I would have thought the demographic is pretty much old people and passengers in white vans. But yes, I'd have thought they are going to be rapidly less viable, every cold winter we get. There's always a copy of The Star in every building site staff hut. No idea who puts it there, never seen anybody actually holding a copy. The Star and Motorcycle News.

If you just look at national 'papers and don't count regional, local or free 'papers, about 7,000,000 per day do think they are still a thing, yes.

ToiletteScheisseUberlaufAufregung

No, I didn't take it personal. I'd just looked at something about Buckfast, wanted to respond and tried to tie it in. Not my best effort. I blame the fact it's like a **** TB ward in this office today. I think I need a phonecall requesting I attend a site visit.....

Calm down Tone, maybe a bit less Buckfast for breakfast tomorrow, eh? It wasn't about the politics of it, it was about the stream of misery and fear. It would have been a similar rant had she wanted me to pick up one of those misery memoir paperbacks from Tesco that appear to be really popular. Who reads books about strangers that were abused in some horrible way but have decided to write a book about it, to be slotted in the trolley between the mince beef and toilet rolls. Anyway, thread title suggests it was in the right place.....as was your reply. We get the Guardian / Observer at the moment. I get it on the weekend, it sits at the end of the breakfast bar for a few days, unread. Around Monday / Tuesday I will be asked if I've finished with it. I say yes, having not even opened it. It goes in the stock pile of liner paper for the pets trays. I'm guessing the content is far more worthy. Wouldn't want Basil and Egg pissing on negative stories. Breakfast bar! Guardian! I'm painting a picture here.

Well this is weird, I thought it was only me with such a strange compulsion. Whenever I hear the word Shanghai used on the tv or radio, I can't help but repeat back 'Shanghai!' in my best surprised generic asian man impression.

I got roped in to doing the shopping for an old person at the end of last week. They are housebound and it was my turn to be saintly. I was genuinely upset when part of the shopping list included The Daily Mail. I made a big harumphing deal out of it and considered just saying they never had newspapers by the time I got to the shops. Anyway, I held my nose and bought it. When I got it home, my nipper was curious just how vile it could be, having heard me rant about it an hour earlier, so started leafing through it. We got as far as page 7, but from front cover, pages 2,3 then pages 4,5 and pages 6,7 every page had a minimum of one story that included one of the following three words: immigrant, benefits, rape. One story heroically managed to combine all three. One story was about a woman raped by a black guy she had mistaken for a white guy in the dark when she'd given her consent. If you are an old lady and you are housebound and that is your main source of news of what is happening in the world I guess you are going to have a particular outlook on the world beyond the end of your street. Regardless of what an individual's politics might be, why would you want to put yourself through reading that stuff every single day? If that was a true reflection of life, I'd rather be ignorant of it and just spend my time painting flowers or baking or building a sex dungeon or something. I couldn't be reading that anger and fear every day.

17.05.2016 Nigel Farage: if it's a narrow defeat for the leave campaign we could run the referendum again David Cameron: Abu Bakr Al Baghdadi leader of ISIS would be happy if you vote Brexit Boris Johnson: EU has banned bananas being sold in bunches of more than three

she could avail herself of one of our special waterfront birthing pods, then the nipper would be a proper island kid the middle yellow one is best, very relaxed attendant / midwife

It doesn't get much more 'first world problems' than an intermittent hifi jack on an international flight. A bus trip to Porto was my hardest journey ever. You start of as best mates on a football odyssey. By the time France turns in to Spain you want to machine gun every last one of the unfunny smelly fidgeting bastards.

aaah, so when the latest royal baby was delivered in the private Lingo wing of St Mary's hospital, that was because it was a Saturday. Had it been a Wednesday, they'd have just used the nearest NHS maternity shed.

I am considering it. Would I need to be qualified in any way to do that sort of thing? I'm guessing there's some sort of course they do.

Wainy, it's within the range classed as 'normal'. Just. There's nothing else we can do. Try hanging weights off it.

Cameron has given us a yes / no vote and warned us the wrong answer and the lights go out on our children's future. That's not losing control, that's wrong from the get go, that's negligence of the highest order. Or patent lies. Probably both. The exit campaign has no possible way of knowing what their promised future holds, so they keep warning us of a european unaccountable junta whilst relentlessly quoting figures they know to be disingenuous. They aren't losing control, they just have nothing substantial to say.

Did Douglas Carswell (UKIP), on Newsnight really just suggest that the european 'junta' probably use our billions to buy themselves a jet? That on the same day George Osbourne's special guest was Ed Balls, a man touted by Osbourne as being dangerously incompetent. All that after having watched Kelvin Mackenzie on the Brexit film describe politicians as shits. The man clearly has no self awareness. Both sides making the debate impossible to navigate. Question is, why would both sides just deliberately by spouting abject nonsense about juntas and hitler whilst waving icecreams and pasties? Ever had the feeling you've been cheated?

One of my memories as a kid was my parents arguing over shoes. My mum came home from a shopping trip and had to try and justify having bought three pairs of identical shoes in three slightly different shades of pink. I remember it getting quite detailed on how cerise was not the same as fuschia. Or two or three others words for pink. But it was clearly a significant event as I'd have been quite young and it's a stand out memory. Another memory from a few weeks later was when my old man went missing and it turned out he was at a beer festival in Germany. I believe he felt justified in the expense of the trip as he hadn't over spent somebody else's wages on a **** ton of pink shoes.

I would imagine he's just got in to work about now. He'll make a coffee (weak coffee, cold water, then remember the mug only once it all pours off the worktop), sit down and be utterly baffled by not being able to work out who we are playing next week. Then he'll change the date at the top of the team sheet and fax it (oh yes, fax) over to Randy. He'll hope Randy doesn't notice straight away that he hasn't written down the name of the opposing team. He'll hope he's bought himself 10 or 15 minutes to get back out, buy a paper, and see from there who we are playing next. Then he'll have another go at that tricky coffee, water, mug combo thing he's been working on. If no opposition team turns up next week, play 5 at the back and bang us down for a nil nil draw on the coupon.

I've managed 2 minutes 6 seconds of 'Brexit'. So which side is running 'project fear'? Apparently Europe is a basket case about to collapse in to evil planned dictatorship and we have one last chance to escape doom and destruction. BUT! If we vote leave we can be wealthy and prosperous beyond our wildest dreams. All with brooding music and scenes of fascist gangs running riot. Then we get Nigel Lawson, friend of the people. Does it get a bit more sensible, or is that basically it? I'll have another go later. I'll give it another 5 minutes to calm down, stop shaking, and inform me of something other than apocalypes vs milk n honey.