theunderstudy Posted March 3, 2011 Share Posted March 3, 2011 C-c-c-combo breaker? Believe me, girls in my neck of the woods don't go for awkward and shy! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stevo985 Posted March 3, 2011 VT Supporter Share Posted March 3, 2011 You lack confidence Stevo!? Eh?! Doesn't come across that way to me! Yeh. Used to hold me back with girls a lot. But as I said in another thread (actually maybe it was this one), someone said to me once "If you're not getting girls now, it's never going to change unless you change your approach" or words to that effect. It worked. I guess I just taught myself to act confident even when I'm not. Inside I'm still very nervous around women. I've just realised if I force myself to do certain things it'll work. My mate always tries to get me to man up! always tells me to talk to girls and then stroke their hair and says they love it, sounds more of a way to get slapped, it's easy for him though, a pretty good looking fella, it's obvious why they don't mind him doing it! if I did it, I'd be arrested! Always makes a point about it in a club is as well, pulls a couple in space of 10 mins and that's somehow meant to make me feel better! One day I will conquer. I just need to keep the alcohol flowing and I'm fine. Stroking their hair sounds really creepy. Can't say I've ever gone for that. But he's right about manning up and just talking to girls. The more you do it the easier it gets. I find it easier to approach a group of girls, it's less obvious that you want to chat one or all of them up. Enter some inane conversation about something probably made up, and then hope you'll end up talking to just one of them (hopefully the one you like), where you can be normal and just talk. The ice should already have been broken by the conversation with the whole group. Works better with a wingman who can tactically occupy the rest of them while you try and pick off the girl you like, but good wingmen are hard to find. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AVFC-Prideofbrum Posted March 3, 2011 Share Posted March 3, 2011 You lack confidence Stevo!? Eh?! Doesn't come across that way to me! Yeh. Used to hold me back with girls a lot. But as I said in another thread (actually maybe it was this one), someone said to me once "If you're not getting girls now, it's never going to change unless you change your approach" or words to that effect. It worked. I guess I just taught myself to act confident even when I'm not. Inside I'm still very nervous around women. I've just realised if I force myself to do certain things it'll work. My mate always tries to get me to man up! always tells me to talk to girls and then stroke their hair and says they love it, sounds more of a way to get slapped, it's easy for him though, a pretty good looking fella, it's obvious why they don't mind him doing it! if I did it, I'd be arrested! Always makes a point about it in a club is as well, pulls a couple in space of 10 mins and that's somehow meant to make me feel better! One day I will conquer. I just need to keep the alcohol flowing and I'm fine. Stroking their hair sounds really creepy. Can't say I've ever gone for that. But he's right about manning up and just talking to girls. The more you do it the easier it gets. I find it easier to approach a group of girls, it's less obvious that you want to chat one or all of them up. Enter some inane conversation about something probably made up, and then hope you'll end up talking to just one of them (hopefully the one you like), where you can be normal and just talk. The ice should already have been broken by the conversation with the whole group. Works better with a wingman who can tactically occupy the rest of them while you try and pick off the girl you like, but good wingmen are hard to find. To be fair, I'm not that bad, I think if I reaaalllly wanted to, I'd do it (although admittedly, most times I'm pretty gone alchohol wise...) and I have in the past but I don't go out often as I should, ain't had a GF for ages, don't intend too just yet anyway, live so far out the way that I usually stop at mates on night out so taking people back ain't an option so I rarely go through the hassle of trying to man up and try to pull because inevitably, it leads to nowhere! So alot of effort, drink and 'bollocks'...for 'meh' but my mate is like an older brother, always pushing me on to do something and stop being a bore! going to uni next year anyway so hopefully live around some decent looking girls, then it's a lot easier! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stevo985 Posted March 3, 2011 VT Supporter Share Posted March 3, 2011 Why don't you just not try and pull, but try and talk to some girls? So next time you're out, approach a group of girls or a girl, but have no intention of trying to pull her. Just go over for a chat. Talk for 5 minutes and then leave. It'll help you realise you can talk to girls without the pressure of trying to pull them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AVFC-Prideofbrum Posted March 3, 2011 Share Posted March 3, 2011 Why don't you just not try and pull, but try and talk to some girls? So next time you're out, approach a group of girls or a girl, but have no intention of trying to pull her. Just go over for a chat. Talk for 5 minutes and then leave. It'll help you realise you can talk to girls without the pressure of trying to pull them. This is getting too close to the mark of 'you're a loser, here are some tips'.. but that is true, should do it more often in terms of just talking even if I ain't really that interested just to keep my head on the game. 8) I'll be alright, I'm not retard, nearly there... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theunderstudy Posted March 3, 2011 Share Posted March 3, 2011 See I struggle to do that Stevo. Interacting with unfamiliar people is horrible for me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rodders Posted March 3, 2011 Author Share Posted March 3, 2011 my confidence has been strengthened entirely by this break up oddly enough, indeed been by far and away the best thing that has happened to me in helping me zero in on what I want and so forth, been havng a blast the last month, and when it does come to women in the future when i feel like I want the stresses and strains of relationships I feel confident knowing what I want, and more importantly, prepared to speak up if I realise it's not going anywhere rather than cling on out of comfort which in hindsight I fear I did. But yeah, without even consciously doing anything, I just now chat to people easily and happily, helps that I definitely have no intention of any desires right now ( though there's always a subtext, not as if I'm randomly striking up conversations with guys as frequently ) best thing to realise / advise - live your life as you want, don't try too hard ( though some element of active initiation will always be important! ) and it'll be ifne. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stevo985 Posted March 3, 2011 VT Supporter Share Posted March 3, 2011 See I struggle to do that Stevo. Interacting with unfamiliar people is horrible for me. Then you're never going to get girls. Simple as that. I was the same though, you've just got to force yourself to do it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rodders Posted March 3, 2011 Author Share Posted March 3, 2011 See I struggle to do that Stevo. Interacting with unfamiliar people is horrible for me. snap until I was about 24. It's tough, but all i can say is try not to worry too much about it, I mean i'm sure you can rationalise it away why people aren't going to bite your head off quite happily, but it's a step from there to just not worrying about strangers and chatting to them. I'd suggest just setting smale scale goals so depending on what level of comfort you have, just exchange a line or two with a shop assistant here and there. They're not going anywhere and they'll (usually) be polite so there's no rejection. I don't know what your comfort level is, but just keep it small but set yourself goals, by the end of the month you'll have done this. even if this is just 'respond to conversation with words rather than mumbles'. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
knoppy1987 Posted March 3, 2011 Share Posted March 3, 2011 See I struggle to do that Stevo. Interacting with unfamiliar people is horrible for me. There are many girls outhere who are dying for someone like you to give them attention. You do not have 'pull' them, but use it to your advantage like Stevo said. Chat to them and thats it. From there set yourself a target each time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theunderstudy Posted March 3, 2011 Share Posted March 3, 2011 All I have to do is in mid conversation don a Sky Sports voice and advertise Nike!? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
knoppy1987 Posted March 3, 2011 Share Posted March 3, 2011 All I have to do is in mid conversation don a Sky Sports voice and advertise Nike!? hahahaha basically yes . At school, I always remember a talk we got. Nike was the focus and the slogan was 'Just do it'. Don't think about it but 'just do it'. Cracking bit of advice I think. I also don't buy 'I'm not good around groups of people or talking to girls', you just haven't done it. You could be absolutely brilliant. You could be shite (like me) but you will get somewhere. It is nature. It is obviously something you want to rectify otherwise you wouldn't be on this thread. Believe in yourself, I'm sure you have got a lot of your own characteristics and traits you have confidence in and you're definitely intelligent. Use them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theunderstudy Posted March 3, 2011 Share Posted March 3, 2011 Thing is my internet persona is far different to my real persona, I find talking to people through text easy as sin, but talking is a different matter. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
knoppy1987 Posted March 3, 2011 Share Posted March 3, 2011 Thing is my internet persona is far different to my real persona, I find talking to people through text easy as sin, but talking is a different matter. So do you text any girls that you like? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theunderstudy Posted March 3, 2011 Share Posted March 3, 2011 Thing is my internet persona is far different to my real persona, I find talking to people through text easy as sin, but talking is a different matter. So do you text any girls that you like? Don't have many numbers at all, of anyone. So basically, no. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ME Posted March 3, 2011 Share Posted March 3, 2011 That is it. I am helping you the next time I'm over there. I am the best wingman my guys could ever have. Having a girl help you with girls often makes them feel more at ease. And, women can be evil. So when they see you with a girl, for some reason more of them want you. It's a sad reality that I thankfully have never had a part of but it's true. Lots of women seem to want what is already taken. Oh, and if there are NO women at all around you that like the shy awkward type, then I would move. Because they sound boring. Or, take a closer look instead of not trying Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stevo985 Posted March 3, 2011 VT Supporter Share Posted March 3, 2011 ME is right. Women make good wingmen. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wiggyrichard Posted March 3, 2011 Share Posted March 3, 2011 Thing is my internet persona is far different to my real persona, I find talking to people through text easy as sin, but talking is a different matter. So do you text any girls that you like? Don't have many numbers at all, of anyone. So basically, no. Really? You've got no women's numbers in your phone? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theunderstudy Posted March 3, 2011 Share Posted March 3, 2011 Thing is my internet persona is far different to my real persona, I find talking to people through text easy as sin, but talking is a different matter. So do you text any girls that you like? Don't have many numbers at all, of anyone. So basically, no. Really? You've got no women's numbers in your phone? Nope. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theunderstudy Posted March 3, 2011 Share Posted March 3, 2011 I've barely got any numbers on my phone. I only ring/text Villans/collegemates/workmates/family. Even then very few actually I keep in contact with properly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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