Nigel

A man the size of a tank walked into the produce section of his local supermarket and asked to buy half a head of lettuce. The boy working in that department meekly told him that they only sold whole heads of lettuce. The man was insistent and demanded that the boy ask his manager about the matter. Walking into the back room, the boy said to his manager, "Some asshole wants to buy a half a head of lettuce." As he finished his sentence, he turned to find the man standing right behind him, "And this gentleman kindly offered to buy the other half."

Tony insired me to look through my old folders. Ah the old ones... A Scouser, a Manc and a Brummie are all working in Saudi Arabia. As it is a strict government alcohol is against the law and the nightlife is pretty limited. The Englishmen decide that they will not get caught and decide to risk brewing their own. Unfortunately they are caught and hauled up in front of the Sheik. "Alcohol is strictly against my laws and as you have disobeyed me you will be punished" boomed the Sheik. "100 Lashes for each" "However, I have fond memories of England and I will grant you all one wish because of my sentimentality" The Manc was 1st in line and when asked what wish he wanted he said with a smug grin "Tie a pillow to my back" The Sheik tied a pillow to the back of the Brummy and a huge Arabic guy stepped up behind him with the whip. The pillow only lasted around 30 lashes before the whip cut through, after 80 the Manc passed out with the pain and was carried off to his cell. Next up was the Scouser, having seen what had happened to the Manc he was a bit panicked and not being the best at maths spluttered out "Tie 2 pillows to my back" The sheik looked at him curiously and carried out his wish, tying two pillows to his back. The same punishment began and obviously after only 60 lashes the whip cut through the pillow. The Scouser still had 40 lashes left and although he didn't pass out, he waswhimpering when the sheik counted 100 and was dragged off back to his cellin a right state. The sheik turned to the Brummie, who looked remarkably relaxed considering his circumstances. "I visited Birmingham as a youth and found it to be a most beautiful city, for this reason I will grant you 2 wishes my friend" The sheik said. The Brummie was pleasantly surprised and said "Give me 300 lashes" The sheik looked at him with total admiration "not only are you an honest man you are also very brave my friend" the sheik commented "and your second wish?" "Tie the Scouser to my back"

That was quite good....till the end which was good for different reasons!

That really is quite. American He really is quite, a MASSIVE jessy

thats **** incredible Wow!

Richards is a better fit for the right back position than Johnson simply bacause he offers more defensively, which to Capello seems to be the be all and end all! Young would be in the squad now had he played right back for us this season IMO!

Great result!

Yeeessss!!!! We are closing in on the red shite!

How many times is Gerrard going to give that shower of shite a get out of jail free card!

They should be! They have had about 3 years on us in which to build a top level squad!

Id like Everton to win it because i just cant stand Liverpool!

Me...born and bred in 'Las Solihull'!

Sod it....2nd! Chelsea are finished, Liverpool will blow up and Le Arse will finish behind Everton! (Note- Optimism may not last!)

He simply gives us more options when he is playing!

Couldn't have explained it better myself!

As you say 'Its a cracker'!

Ashton has not had a history of injuries if you look at his appearance stats. According to Physioroom he has! This is just the last 2 years.. Os Trigonum Syndrome West Ham United Injuries 2008 September 15th Calf/Shin Injury West Ham United Injuries 2008 August 18th Hamstring Injury West Ham United Injuries 2008 May 9th Back Injury West Ham United Injuries 2008 January 25th MCL Knee Ligament Injury West Ham United Injuries 2007 October 8th Ankle/Foot Injury West Ham United Injuries 2006 August 15th Hamstring Injury West Ham United Injuries 2006 May 2nd Groin Strain West Ham United Injuries 2006 January 27th

Clever, but i could not be arsed to listen after Villa...I knew there was a good reason not to support West Ham!

Santa Cruz for me every time. Ashton would be best for us IMO but he can not stay fit for 5 minutes. Heskey and Owen would be fantastic but will both deteriorate over the next season or two.

Striker and a winger for me please! Aston/Santa Cruz & Valencia/Zog

Got to be real every time, the smell of pine is part of Christmas!

Surely Owen would be considered more of 'a red' than Heskey, and hence less welcome at your place! Double standards me thinks!

Most. Still too much homophobia around football. Agreed, and its much to easy to slag people off from behind a screen too! (Im Straight, as much as it matters!)

I Got Love - The King Blues

I think Everton are a big threat! They have proved over the last few seasons that they are incredibly consistent and had they won today they would be right on top of us in the league. As AG said they are playing crap at the moment but they have some good players who will improve. Glad they dropped some points today!