snowychap Posted November 8, 2008 Share Posted November 8, 2008 What's the best thing about shagging twenty eight year olds?... There's twenty of them. Too far? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
snowychap Posted November 8, 2008 Share Posted November 8, 2008 What's the difference between a lorry load of marbles and a lorry load of babies? You can't unload the marbles with a pitchfork. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
paddy Posted November 9, 2008 Share Posted November 9, 2008 What's black and loud? Stevie Wonder answering the iron. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tomzep Posted November 9, 2008 Share Posted November 9, 2008 What's black and loud? Stevie Wonder answering the iron. that actually made me lol i hav a mental image of him, in my livin room where my mom does the ironing, burning his face on my moms iron! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stevo985 Posted November 9, 2008 VT Supporter Share Posted November 9, 2008 Have you seen Stevie Wonder's wife? Neither has he... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phumfeinz Posted November 9, 2008 Share Posted November 9, 2008 Two cannibals were eating a clown. One turns to the other and says 'does this taste funny to you?'. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
villab0y Posted November 10, 2008 Share Posted November 10, 2008 The other day I needed to pay a visit to the public toilet, so I found a public toilet that had two cubicles. One of the doors was locked. So I went into the other one, closed the door, dropped my trousers and sat down. A voice came from the cubicle next to me: "Hello mate, how are you doing?" Although I thought that it was a bit strange, I didn't want to be rude, so I replied, "Not too bad, thanks." After a short pause, I heard the voice again. "So, what are you up to?" Again I answered, somewhat reluctantly, "Just having a quick poo... How about yourself?" The next thing I heard him say was, "Sorry, mate, I'll have to call you back. I've got some word removed in the cubicle next to me answering everything I say." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
villab0y Posted November 10, 2008 Share Posted November 10, 2008 A little boy says to a priest "kiss me..kiss me" The priest says "I cant. It would be unethical. I shouldn't even be sh*gging you" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
villab0y Posted November 10, 2008 Share Posted November 10, 2008 A husband and wife were sitting watching tv, when he turned to his wife and said.... 'Babe , tell me something that will make me happy & sad all at the same time.' She said ... 'Youhave the Biggest c*ck out of all your Friends.' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
villab0y Posted November 10, 2008 Share Posted November 10, 2008 Paddy says to mick "can you help me with this jigsaw, its meant to be a tiger" Mick says " put the frosties back in the box u idiot!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Qwpzxjor1 Posted November 12, 2008 Share Posted November 12, 2008 The Police have come up with a new scheme in Liverpool to disperse rioters. They will fly overhead with a helicopter and drop Job Application Forms. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ryan_avfc Posted November 12, 2008 Share Posted November 12, 2008 cool jokes Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted November 13, 2008 Share Posted November 13, 2008 A man goes to a disco and starts chatting up a very attractive looking Chinese girl. She appears to be all over him and soon asks him back to her place 'for a coffee'. When they get to her flat she tells him to help himself to a drink while she slips into something more comfortable. Just as he finishes getting his drink the sexy Chinese seductress returns wearing only a see-through negligee. "I am your sex slave!" she says, "I will do absolutely ANYTHING you want" Well the man is taken a little bit by surprise and can't believe his luck so he says: "I really fancy a 69". "**** Off" she replies... "I'm not cooking at this time of night!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted November 13, 2008 Share Posted November 13, 2008 Barrack Obama, Michelle Obama and Oprah Winfrey were flying on Obama's private plane. Obama looked at Oprah, chuckled and said, "You know, I could throw a $1,000 bill out of the window right now and make somebody very happy." Oprah shrugged her shoulders and replied, "I could throw ten $100 bills out of the window and make ten people very happy." Michelle added, "That being the case, I could throw one hundred $10 bills out of the window and make a hundred people very happy!" Hearing their exchange, the pilot rolled his eyes and said to his co-pilot, "Such big-shots back there. I could throw all of their asses out of the window and make 56 million people very happy!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stevo985 Posted November 13, 2008 VT Supporter Share Posted November 13, 2008 An Irish Man an English Man and a Chinese Man have joined the army. On their first day they are put on "dogs body" duties. The sergeant major takes the Irish man to the ammunitions store. "Ok paddy, your job is to sort out all this ammunition and put it in order" said the sergeant major. Paddy agrees. Next the sergeant major takes the English man to the kitchen. "Right, John. Your job is to peel all these potatoes." Said the Sergeant Major. John agrees. Finally the sergeant major takes the chinese man to the supplies warehouse. "Ok, Ding. Your job is to be in charge of the Supplies. We need lots and lots of supplies so make sure you put a lot of effort in." Said the sergeant major. Ding agrees. At the end of the day the sergeant major goes back round to see if the jobs are done. He goes to the ammo stores. Paddy has got everything in order and has set up a computer system to account for everything. The sergeant is pleased. Next he goes to the kitchen. John has peeled every potato and has even started to cook them for the troops. The Sergeant is REALLY pleased. Finally, the sergeant goes to the supplies warehouse. When he goes in the place is a mess. There are supplies EVERYWHERE and the place looks worse than when he went in. Suddenly, a cupboard int he corner of the warehouse bursts open. Ding jumps out and shouts "SUPPLIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ikantcpell Posted November 13, 2008 Share Posted November 13, 2008 Gary wants a job as a signalman on the railways. He is told to meet the inspector at the signal box. The inspector puts this question to him: "What would you do if you realized that two trains were heading for each other on the same track?" Gary says, "I would switch the points for one of the trains." "What if the lever broke?" asked the inspector. "Then I'd dash down out of the signal box," said Gary, "and I'd use the manual lever over there." "What if that had been struck by lightning?" "Then," Gary continues, "I'd run back into the signal box and phone the next signal box." "What if the phone was engaged?" "Well in that case," persevered Gary, "I'd rush down out of the box and use the public emergency phone at the level crossing up there." "What if that was vandalized?" "Oh well, then I'd run into town and get my uncle Bill." This puzzles the inspector, so he asks, "Why would you do that?" "Because he's never seen a train crash Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cizzler Posted November 13, 2008 Share Posted November 13, 2008 [Jimmy Carr] Why did the tiger get lost ? Cos the jingle is massif! [/Jimmy Carr] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stevo985 Posted November 13, 2008 VT Supporter Share Posted November 13, 2008 You should probably edit that so it makes sense Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cizzler Posted November 16, 2008 Share Posted November 16, 2008 [Jimmy Carr] Why did the tiger get lost ? Cos the jungle is massif! [/Jimmy Carr] Edit: Good call, Stevo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Juju Posted November 16, 2008 Share Posted November 16, 2008 What is the difference between girls/woman aged: 8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58, 68, and 78 ? At 8 -- You take her to bed and tell her a story. At 18 -- You tell her a story and take her to bed. At 28 -- You don't need to tell her a story to take her to bed. At 38 -- She tells you a story and takes you to bed. At 48 -- She tells you a story to avoid going to bed. At 58 -- You stay in bed to avoid her story. At 68 -- If you take her to bed, that'll be a story! At 78 -- What story??? What bed??? Who the hell are you??? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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