villab0y Posted June 6, 2008 Share Posted June 6, 2008 Im going to watch my wedding video tonight, backwards... I love the bit at the end where she takes the ring off, goes back down the aisle, jumps in the car and **** off! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
avfc2810 Posted June 7, 2008 Share Posted June 7, 2008 whats long hard and full of seamen? .................................... a submarine thats a good one for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mellberg21 Posted June 7, 2008 Share Posted June 7, 2008 What do you call a sheep without any legs? ...A cloud! hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha, no. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
villahero Posted June 12, 2008 Share Posted June 12, 2008 " mummy ?...where do babies come from ? " " well, daddies make a liquid called sperm and then put it inside mummies " " Do mummies eat it then ? " " yes...if they want new shoes " Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted June 12, 2008 Share Posted June 12, 2008 " mummy ?...where do babies come from ? " " well, daddies make a liquid called sperm and then put it inside mummies " " Do mummies eat it then ? " " yes...if they want new shoes " Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
benevans Posted June 12, 2008 Share Posted June 12, 2008 Dunno if this one's been on here but... Man walks into the doctors... Doctor: Sir, you need to stop masterbating. Man: Why? Doctor: Because I'm trying to examine you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SurreyAV Posted June 12, 2008 Share Posted June 12, 2008 What's a woman and hurriance got in common? When they come they're wet and windy and when they **** off they take half your house. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ikantcpell Posted June 12, 2008 Share Posted June 12, 2008 Three baseball fans leave the stadium after a game and come across a dead naked woman lying in the middle of the street. After they call the cops, they each take off their baseball caps and place them on the dead woman out of respect and to cover her private parts until the cops arrive. The first fan places his Boston Red Sox cap over her left breast, the second places his Phillies cap on her right breast and the third fan places his Yankees cap on her pubic area. The cops finally arrive, and the officers take statements from the fans to find out what happened. After explaining that they found her naked and covered her up with their caps, the cop went over to examine the body. He briefly lifted the Red Sox cap, and quickly replaced it; then he lifted the Phillies cap, and also quickly replaced it. However, when he lifted the Yankees cap, he stared and stared for what seemed to be two or three minutes. Finally, he let the cap drop, walked away, wrote in his notebook, then returned and lifted the Yankees cap once again and stared for a long time. As he was walking away the second time, the fans were curious and stopped him and asked him why he spent so much time looking at the woman's genitalia, and he said, "It's the first time I've seen anything but an asshole under a Yankees cap Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BOF Posted June 14, 2008 Moderator Share Posted June 14, 2008 A North Dublin girl was involved in a serious crash; there's blood everywhere. The paramedics arrive and drag the girl out of the car till she's lying flat out on the floor. Medic: 'OK, I'm going to check if you're concussed.' Sharon: 'Ok.' Medic: 'What's your name?' Sharon: 'Sharon' Medic: 'Where do you live?' Sharon:'Ballymun' Medic: 'Ok Sharon. How many fingers have I got up?' Sharon: 'Oh my god... I'm paralysed from the waist down!' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Delaney Posted June 14, 2008 Share Posted June 14, 2008 How many of the Lost cast does it take to change a lightbulb? Only one, but it will take 21 episodes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Delaney Posted June 14, 2008 Share Posted June 14, 2008 not so much a joke, but................ If you're bored and want to find out something amusing. Go to www.imdb.com (internet movie database) and in the search criteria type in the word rocket polisher. Quite fitting that this guys name comes up, the biggest rocket polisher I can think of to be honest. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BOF Posted June 14, 2008 Moderator Share Posted June 14, 2008 Tis curious Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Delaney Posted June 14, 2008 Share Posted June 14, 2008 what's 6 inches long and starts with a P? A shit Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ikantcpell Posted June 14, 2008 Share Posted June 14, 2008 A man goes to his doctor and tells him that his wife hasn’t wanted to have sex with him for the past seven months. The doctor thinks about it for a moment and tells the man to bring his wife in so he can talk to her privately. So the wife comes into the doctor’s office and the doctor asks her what's wrong. The wife tells him, "For the last seven months, I have taken a cab to work every morning. I don't have any money, so the cab driver asks me, 'So are you going to pay today or what?' So I take an 'or what.' When I get to work I'm late so the boss asks me, 'So are we going to write this down in the book or what?' So I take an 'or what.' Back home again I take the cab and again I don't have any money, so the cab driver asks me again, 'So are you going to pay this time or what?' So again I take an 'or what.' So you see doctor, when I get home I'm completely exhausted and I don't want it any more." The doctor thinks for a moment and then turns to the wife and says, "So are we going to tell your husband about this or what?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted June 14, 2008 Share Posted June 14, 2008 ^^^ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paddywhack Posted June 14, 2008 Share Posted June 14, 2008 How do you stop a dog from humping your leg? Pick it up, suck it off Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
villahero Posted June 16, 2008 Share Posted June 16, 2008 A pissed up bloke phones and teases his ex-wives new husband... " so, how was the second hand pussy " ? the new husband replies " not bad, after the first 2 inches, it was brand new " I keep having my profile rejected on dating websites.... When it gets to the question ' what do you want in a woman ' apparently " My cock " is not an accectable answer A loving husband had ' i love you ' tattooed on his cock. When he got home he showed his wife. She said " there you go, trying to put words in my mouth again " 3 tampons walking down the street, Maxi. mini and Ultra. Which one says " helllo " ? Neither....they're all stuck up clearings in the woods !!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted June 16, 2008 Share Posted June 16, 2008 I keep having my profile rejected on dating websites.... When it gets to the question ' what do you want in a woman ' apparently " My cock " is not an accectable answer Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
piav_k4 Posted June 16, 2008 Share Posted June 16, 2008 Two old women walking in a park and a streaker runs past. One has a stroke, the other one missed. A priest looking for a quiet break agrees to spend a few weeks in a local Nun monastery. He arrives and meets with Mother Superior who advises that the priest wanders around the premises and get a feel for the place. After about 5 minutes of walking, a nun jumps out of the bush and shouts 'blow job 40 quid'. The priest outraged leaves the nun and continues his walk. 5 minutes down another nun jumps out a bush and shouts 'blow job 40 quid!' The priest is disgusted and goes back to mother superior and shouts 'I've been here 15 minutes and I've been offered a blow job for 40 quid please explain this behaviour!' Mother superior looks out raged and replies '40 quid? I'll give you one for 20'. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RamboMcInally Posted June 17, 2008 Share Posted June 17, 2008 not so much a joke, but................ If you're bored and want to find out something amusing. Go to www.imdb.com (internet movie database) and in the search criteria type in the word rocket polisher. Quite fitting that this guys name comes up, the biggest rocket polisher I can think of to be honest. Do you often put rocket polisher into search engines ? :winkold: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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