B94villa

It's an interview, he's supposed to talk. He's currently employed as an assistant manager. He's allowed to grow a beard. Newspapers print stories they think will interest their readers. Happy to help

Fill your shoe with ketchup, paint your face white and pretend you pierced your foot on a spike. Then pretend to pass out after five minutes. If you think you can manage it, vomit on the front row.

Power tools

Tell that to someone from the Middle Ages.

Owen Jones wrote a bit about the difference between the media reaction to Madeleine McCann and Shannon Mathews in Chavs. It wasn't particularly in-depth and some of the points I didn't necessarily agree with, but the general thrust of the argument seems fair.

I get what you're saying, even if he didn't have any input he's still free to say no. Plus I doubt they'd even suggest it if someone else was presenting the show. They're just pandering to the word removed.

Buy her a real rabbit? Then wrestle it and do a victory dance when you inevitably crush it's spine.

How did it go? I used to love labouring, loved the graft and on the right site you can have a laugh. I would work all the hours I could to bring home the paper too, you're probably not allowed to work 14 hour shifts these days mind! Good luck to you matey. Yeah, went well thanks for asking. Bit sore but not as bad as I thought it would be. Mostly been stripping (waits for jokes) but the two blokes I was with were pretty patient and pointed me in the right direction. They're both SHA, but that's pretty much a given round here.

My favourite Kubric tale is forcing someone to type "all work and no play" for hundreds of pages when one would have done. Obviously I'll be expecting the same from you.

The Olympics slogan that never was

Kids are pricks, but they're also vulnerable and spend most of their lives fronting. In five years of school and one year of college I've seen either firsthand or been aware of through friends: Half a dozen deaths, most through suicide Anorexia Self harm Bullying that bordered on attempted murder Institutionalised bullying by members of staff Pupils becoming obsessed with teachers to the point where the law had to get involved I don't think my experiences were unusual, in fact I went to a "good school" with a reputation of being much safer than the two either side of it. What people don't factor in when attacking teachers is that it's not just a job, it's being responsible for the safety and development of people who are culturally and biologically primed to f*** up, and probably hate your guts. On top of that you have to somehow mould them into productive members of society and give them the tools necessary live in the wider world. All the while being overworked, badly supported, and under attack from all angles, including parents and the government. I used to want to be a teacher until I lived with someone who used to be one. The stress nearly killed her and some of the stories she told me are horrendous.

Like a natty Samson

Is group marking still a thing? Where everyone marks each other's stuff and then gives feedback or whatever? That seemed to be in vogue towards the end of my school days. I know you couldn't use it for everything, just wondering if there was any value in it.

We're all dying bro. The trick is bowel control.

Only when I stick the bottle up my arse. Lolololol. Serious answer, yes. Sometimes red wine does.

Most people have one teacher that had a life-changing effect on them. You get to be that teacher.

As long as the site isn't near a school I'm golden. As for settling in, I've found that highbrow cultural references and French wordplay can diffuse pretty much any situation. It'll be cool, like Miles Jupp playing Dian Fossey.

Yeah you're right, they will forgive anything for ratings. Remember reading somewhere that the budget they get is astronomical compared to other programmes because it brings viewers in. Which is fine, but but that faux antiestablishment crap really annoys me, especially when people lap it up. If he really thinks the organisation is run by disabled Asian lesbians who fleece the licence payer, he should give his fee back and piss off to Channel 5.

Speaking of wages, you'd think Clarkson would have the self-awareness to not criticise the BBC at every opportunity. Especially considering how much he gets paid to act like a 1950s public schoolboy trapped in a sex tourist's body. If I ran the BBC he'd be on his own the next time he caused a bit of controversy. Controversy by the way that is hilarious, unplanned, not at all cynical, and in no way a predictable attempt to drum up publicity for whatever book or programme just happens to be coming out.

Thanks for the likes! I'll be working as a labourer, which is gonna be interesting because I'm totally out of shape and don't know the first thing about construction. I like tea though.

After being unemployed for over a year, I start work tomorrow!

Have a word with yourself. Coronation Chicken is what Satan refers to as "phase two". On a separate note, and inspired by Maqroll's video, those low budget ghost story programmes you get on channels like Really or Living or whatever. The charlatans like Derek "my Native American sprit guide has a Scouse accent" Acorah are bad enough, but what really gets me the total lack of regard for the families of the dead. I saw one years ago when a woman and her teenage daughter were claiming to have seen a little girl all alone by the roadside one night. When they stopped to ask if she was okay the girl did something ghostly, but I can't remember exactly what. They drove home all spooked and discovered there had been a car crash on the road earlier and a little girl had been killed. Now, putting aside whether or not you actually believe their story or not, what kind of person decides the next best course of action is to run to the local press (bearing in mind they lived in a tiny rural community) and use that as a springboard to get their fifteen minutes of fame? Someone's daughter died, and they have to live their lives knowing that the child they lost will always be remembered as a local ghost story. Then someone else decides they saw her too, and before you know it the story gains legendary status, and they never get any peace. Don't even get me started on mediums who help people track down the body of their murdered relatives. Those word removeds deserve to go to prison. /rant

If that enthusiasm manifests itself in backing Lambert and to a lesser extent Fox then whatever, I can deal with no takeover on the horizon. Not hugely hopeful though. Edit. What Richard said, basically.

That is genuinely hilarious. Love the book the guy is holding as well. "UFOs, Werewolves and the Pig Man"!

Dave looked at his chest and saw blood. Deep ruby red blood. Blood. Blood..... And piss and shit. Shamelessly stolen from Garth Matenghi.