Barry_Static

Finished my first season since the patch with Villa. All I'm going to say is our players are **** useless which is going to sound completely stupid now because I finished 2nd in the league. Delph was the stand out player I guess, he was the only one to finish the season with an average rating over 7. Benteke couldn't finish his lunch, had 9 goals at the end of the season 5 of those came in the first 3 games of the season and the rest were penalties. Pretty much every game was stolen 1-0 after being dominated all game. I should be positive but I'm just like how the hell did these guys who played so crap end up in the champions league. Hopefully I'll get a lot to spend and can rebuild with a team who can play football

Back day, ate a steak and now I'm just waiting for my hand to go numb. Pretty much perfect

Rolf Harris Barry Chuckle Ric Flair Murray Walker Stephen Hawking

Haha I can assure you no one is going near the trap door to the bright green death sludge

This is often caused by a diet high in iron. Have you drank a lot of Guinness lately? Either that or liver, beans and steak. It's from a viral infection. I'm getting really bummed out, why can't my shit be normal

My poo is green

You can get personalised Love Hearts nowadays...maybe the daughter was trying to tell you something. Just sayin'. I mean you were sharing sweets with her. So do you think I should e-mail her before or after I break her pelvis?

I was visiting a friend today and his daughter was eating those love hearts sweets so obviously I stole some off her but I didn't realise how creepy they are now. The first one was ok "e-mail me" but after that it just got weird when the next two said "I surrender" and "break me".

When you get that feeling you need a massive, massive shit. You know it's there you can feel. Off to the throne room you march with a proud smile on your face. You sit down and get comfortable, you need to with what you are currently holding back with your anus. So the hard work begins but nothing seems to be coming, you start alternating moving knees forward and back and rocking forward in the hope the crowning will begin and the 10 foot turd will exit your body but try as you might this isn't shifting. You start pushing with all you might, red in the face and when all hope is lost you feel something at last. Oh my it feels massive, the knees start moving again, lets work this shit out. After all this work you hear the water ripple and even that is an overstatement as you look down and see a pea sized piece of shit in the bowl mocking you and your effort. You clean up and leave, that once proud smile reduced to a depressing frown.

My shower broke and my new one doesn't get hot enough, how am I meant to start my day without getting third degree burns on my back?

Great result. Everyone worked their socks off today. Guzan looks impressive, can't believe we were going to let him go. Holman did a great job of closing down stopping them playing their game, still needs to improve on the ball a bit but the positives massively outweigh the odd bit of sloppy play. Benteke looks to be some buy. Reads the game well as shown with the goal but looked very impressive with the ball at his feet and with his back to goal. Should have got 2 today really but can't fault what I saw always in good positions. Looks like a great partner to get the best out of Bent.

Legend

Unlucky great play from Benteke again

Get them on for Bannan and Weimann

Think it's time to try out Benteke, Weimann off.

Why would anyone want Holman off? Sure he passing has given the ball away on a few occasions but the guy has been breaking up their passing rhythm which is their main strength.

Will I Am. Why does he dress like what the 80s thought we would look like now?

Finding this patch well hard. Started with Villa doing pretty poor in the league w3 d4 l5. Doing well in the cup though. Finding the team talks really annoying doesn't matter what I say someone is always angry by it. Won my first league game 6-1 against spurs told the team they played great and half the team were angry at me

Loving this massive improvement over 2010, car handling has improved a lot and DRS and KERS are amazing, just don't open the DRS too soon coming out of a corner or you'll be in a nice accident. Been playing full races in career with Williams. Had a bad start in Australia in qualifying in the rain coming 24th. Recovered it in the race in the dry coming 6th, came flying off the line with KERS up 12 places on the first lap. Came 8th in Malaysia. China and Turkey were both DNF, lost my wing in both and smashed the car, doubt I would have been in the points for either anyway. Still not seen a safety car yet.

No, Subs: Guzan, Delfouneso, Albrighton, Clark, Herd, Lowry, Gardner.

I had my hair cut earlier and I was charged the OAP price

We had a Mary Christmas in our year at school, she left after a few months.

:nod: Also, people who constantly telling their other half they love them... then they break up. I have one on there who breaks up every week says men are words removed and the next day she is back with him and about 5 messages about how much she loves him.