Voinjama Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 I am going to apologise in advance for this new topic. Because this off topic section is turning into a agony aunt/uncle page, with all these relationship problems, how to stop drinking, financial advice, etc. But here goes, many years ago I had many problems with people who made my life very difficult. This started in my last year at school and carried on at college. Threats, doing stuff to my family, insults, trying to break up my relationships and more. Now this was many years ago, but I still cant get over it. I am still angry. How do I get over this anger. Have any of you had people do bad things to you in the past, and how did you get over it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wiggyrichard Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 How old are you mate? I mean, how many years have passed since the problems started? Do you still get threats etc. now? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Voinjama Posted March 19, 2012 Author Share Posted March 19, 2012 I would say it has been about 5 years now. So I should have got over it by now. But is still on my mind, and I still get angry about it. I understand that the majority of people go things like this at some point in their lives. I dont get threats anymore, infact my life is better now but I still remember. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wiggyrichard Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 I would say it has been about 5 years now. So I should have got over it by now. But is still on my mind, and I still get angry about it. I understand that the majority of people go things like this at some point in their lives. I dont get threats anymore, infact my life is better now but I still remember. Its easy for me to sit here and say "move on" because im not the type of person to let things bother me, but you are obviously a completely different person (which isnt a bad thing). Are you still in contact with these people? Are there certain things that trigger the anger? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AshVilla Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 I find exercise helps with anger issues Pound some heavy weights or do some cardio focus all the negative energy you have in your body and put it into exercise use it to motivate and push yourself i find i can do alot more if im pissed off Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
irreverentad Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 I am sure you probably don't want me posting on here but I will anyway..... I think the important thing to keep in mind is the belief that everything that has happened to you has helped to shape who you are. I had some pretty bad stuff that happened to me when I was younger and the way I handled it was by seeing what I have achieved in life. Would I have achieved it if the event hadn't happened to me? Would I have had the drive to succeed if I had lived in a 'bubble' all of my life? Probably not. I think we both recognise that me and you are pretty different and rub each other up the wrong way....HOWEVER you do seem like a pretty independant bloke who can handle his own battles and is strong in his own beliefs. That is a good thing and surely a part of that has to come from your history and former problems? So once you accept this, it becomes easier to concentrate on the present and helps to stop being as angry at the past. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Voinjama Posted March 19, 2012 Author Share Posted March 19, 2012 I would say it has been about 5 years now. So I should have got over it by now. But is still on my mind, and I still get angry about it. I understand that the majority of people go things like this at some point in their lives. I dont get threats anymore, infact my life is better now but I still remember. Its easy for me to sit here and say "move on" because im not the type of person to let things bother me, but you are obviously a completely different person (which isnt a bad thing). Are you still in contact with these people? Are there certain things that trigger the anger? No I am not in the UK at the moment, I am in Germany. So I never see them, but for some reason they sometimes are on my mind. There is no trigger. I sometimes play indoor football which does take my mind off it. But when I am on the train or at work I will just start to think about them again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wiggyrichard Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 I would say it has been about 5 years now. So I should have got over it by now. But is still on my mind, and I still get angry about it. I understand that the majority of people go things like this at some point in their lives. I dont get threats anymore, infact my life is better now but I still remember. Its easy for me to sit here and say "move on" because im not the type of person to let things bother me, but you are obviously a completely different person (which isnt a bad thing). Are you still in contact with these people? Are there certain things that trigger the anger? No I am not in the UK at the moment, I am in Germany. So I never see them, but for some reason they sometimes are on my mind. There is no trigger. I sometimes play indoor football which does take my mind off it. But when I am on the train or at work I will just start to think about them again. But what makes you think of them? Or is it just out of the blue? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Voinjama Posted March 19, 2012 Author Share Posted March 19, 2012 Quite often it is out of the blue. It is not as bad as it was. But like I say these bad things stopped happening to me in 2007. so why 5 years on have I not got over it. I cant go through the rest of my life thinking about it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JulieB Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 My GP used to make me laugh by saying she made little plasticene figurines of people who made her angry and then used to squash them back into a ball. Anger is a very destructive emotion so let it go. It really isn't worth it. I ended up having a nervous breakdown a few years ago because of being married to someone with a personality disorder, who literally was determined to make my life hell. It was the anger I felt inside that built up over years of abuse, which was wholly unjustified. Everytime you start thinking about whatever it is that hurts or the people that hurt you - think about something else - something positive. Like AshVilla says go for a walk, do some exercise. The best way of answering nastiness is just to be determined not to be like them. Rise above it and make yourself a good decent person. The more you help others, the more your self esteen will improve inside. Again just like help with drinking, don't be afraid to go & talk to someone about your feelings inside. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mjmooney Posted March 19, 2012 VT Supporter Share Posted March 19, 2012 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wiggyrichard Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 Quite often it is out of the blue. It is not as bad as it was. But like I say these bad things stopped happening to me in 2007. so why 5 years on have I not got over it. I cant go through the rest of my life thinking about it. Without sounding extreme, maybe you should go see a psychologist? From what you've told us, you either need to confront them or go see a professional. You may just need to get it all of your chest by speaking to someone? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mjmooney Posted March 19, 2012 VT Supporter Share Posted March 19, 2012 Have a word with Leemond2008 - he's a calm, relaxed sort of guy... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wiggyrichard Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 Have a word with Leemond2008 - he's a calm, relaxed sort of guy... Ignore Mike's advice! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eames Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 Seek them out. Take revenge. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CrackpotForeigner Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 Do 'em up the wrongun. (Sorry. It had to be said.) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
villarule123 Posted March 19, 2012 VT Supporter Share Posted March 19, 2012 have a shit Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JulieB Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 Seek them out. Take revenge. Surely though - the best sort of revenge is the sort where you refuse to BE the person they want you to be - to rise above it - not to fight back necessarily but just sort things out in a calm and pleasant manner as you see fit and just be a decent loving human being. I find that tends to infuriate nasty people even more. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hogso Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 Hunting and/or Beer Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eames Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 Seek them out. Take revenge. Surely though - the best sort of revenge is the sort where you refuse to BE the person they want you to be - to rise above it - not to fight back necessarily but just sort things out in a calm and pleasant manner as you see fit and just be a decent loving human being. I find that tends to infuriate nasty people even more. No. Thats ghey revenge. Hunt them down and hurt them. Look what they did to you? How could they not care how you feel? Do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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