hogso Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 Hm, also, I can't remember if I've seen you posting on the games board before Voinjama, but...ever tried fragging some n00bs? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pelle Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 You haven't dealt with it in a proper way, easy as that. As Wiggy said, go to see a psychologist. They can help you if you believe they can and want them to. It'll take some time but when you're through with it then you're a much stronger person because of it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Si. Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 Seek them out. Take revenge. Surely though - the best sort of revenge is the sort where you refuse to BE the person they want you to be - to rise above it - not to fight back necessarily but just sort things out in a calm and pleasant manner as you see fit and just be a decent loving human being. I find that tends to infuriate nasty people even more. No. Thats ghey revenge. Hunt them down and hurt them. Look what they did to you? How could they not care how you feel? Do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it As somebody who has taken revenge and seen it backfire with bad consequences id think before you act. It did feel good at the time though, I must admit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ME Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 For a start, you don't have closure. If you did you would have been able to move on much faster. It's never great when you can't get closure. So in this case, going to someone to talk about it all might be the best thing you can do. There is nothing wrong with going to a therapist. Also, the idea of knowing through the bad came the good of who you are today is always helpful. Like plenty of people I went through some not great times growing up. But I used it as a guideline for how not to be in life. Sometimes I wish it all hadn't happened but it did help make me a better person in the end. It seems you get stuck on what has happened. Looking back is one thing, having it pop up out of the blue all the time is another. Go talk to someone. It's at least a step in the direction of moving passed it all. On a side note, I am sorry you had those things happen to you. Sincerely. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
b6bloke Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 I really valid topic and something I have had to deal with in the past and there are 2 ways of doing this and both effective. Write them a letter, explain how what they did made you feel, get very deep and say what you want, you will be pretty amazed how many pages you get through! Then put the letter/s in an envelope and put on a relevant address whether it be where they lived or if you dont know just address it to the school, seal the envelope and then burn it or rip it up. Its a pretty amazing feeling and worth a try. Another way (or you can do both) is by getting to the root cause of your anger, this is more than likely going to be a resenment and involves forgiving them for what they did, yes people will say "**** them! why forgive them!" well you have to remember what forgivness is to start with and it is NOT condoning ones actions, IT IS however refusing to hold ill will or bad feeling" Nelson Mandela used this in South Africa when he first got to power and I have to say that it is very effective. He said "Resentment is like drinking poison and expecting your enemy to die" Write a list of things that you actually get out of your resentment and you will most likely get a short one that includes being self rightous. but if you write down the negatives and it will go onto a few pages, I mean it affects your journey to work so what other areas of your life has it affected. When you have completed the list it will be an eye opener and the realisation will kick in on the amount of baggage you have carried around with you since then. Remember they were young too and if they could look back at how they acted then would most likely be full of shame. Get into a frame of mind that they were doing the best with what they knew then and forgive them. I did this with my sons mom who put me through hell for 15 years, I hated her and refered to her as the bitch, when I wrote my list of negatives down it did affected my son deeply, not just me and my thoughts on strong women. i did this process and even though I was never nasty to her afterwards she was very different, I dont know whether it was me showing empathy and sympathy but the way I acted with her made her act different. It sounds a bit happy clappy but better than giving it them up the wrong un" :winkold: Good Luck Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Voinjama Posted March 19, 2012 Author Share Posted March 19, 2012 Thanks for all the advice, will look into which option(s) is best and discuss with family. I aim to have it out of my system by the end of the year. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eames Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 Thanks for all the advice, will look into which option(s) is best and discuss with family. I aim to have it out of my system by the end of the year. Exactly.... thats the spirit. Why spend thousands of £s and months/years in therapy when one simple kill crazy rampage will sort it all out for you? You'll most likely then get the therapy free anyway. 8) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JulieB Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 Thanks for all the advice, will look into which option(s) is best and discuss with family. I aim to have it out of my system by the end of the year. At the end of the day nasty people really are not worth the amount of oxygen it takes your brain cells to think about them. Just concentrate on getting YOUR self esteem recovered and learn to love yourself and the people who care about you. As my Mum says.......What goes around ....ALWAYS comes around! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blandy Posted March 19, 2012 Moderator Share Posted March 19, 2012 There's a lot in what B6 says, I think. My advice would be along the same lines, but with something a bit different. Get a blank piece(s) of paper, write down your age when this happened, write down what they did, how it made you feel, the effects on others around you. try and do this analytically - e.g. when I was 17, they attacked me in the street, they broke my nose, caused bruising that lasted for 3 weeks, I had to go to hospital and had to take medicine and I felt unsafe for a year afterwards... Do this kind of thing based on all the incidents. Write their names down against the acts. When you've done that, or a version of that, like B6 says, write down below this, or on a new piece of paper where you have overcome the aggression since then - for example when I was 20 I got a job in this company. I got on well with the people there, they liked me, they came to my party, they bought me a leaving present and I still see them now I'm in my new job, with my new friends, new relationship. I've done well for myself in the following ways...list them...I'm now 23, I have all these blessings. I'm lucky. What happened a long time ago is gone. I'm past it, I'm doing well, people like me on VT, they listen to what I've said, they help me, voluntarily. Next time one of the memories come up, I'll think of this list of all the good things and I'll smile at my good fortune to be liked and happy. I'm not 17, I'm 23, I'm doing good for myself and my friends and family, and perhaps that's because of the past, or despite it, but whichever, I live here and now, not there and then.... that kind of thing. Think of your "good list" when memories crop up. Use those thoughts to push the others away and they will get almost completely wiped out. Just occasionally, the memory of a bad time can put the present in perspective and be helpful. Like when you're hacked off and stuck in a broken down car or train, or you miss the plane, or you have a row - you can think "Christ, if this is what's hacking me off, I'm lucky, I used to have real problems with dickheads, now my worst problem is a late train, and I'll be home in 3 hours anyway. Look at me being all perspective and relaxed and look at everyone else stressing out. I'm doing good for myself again, I'll help that old Lady or that child to pass the time till the next train... It works. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maqroll Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 I am going to apologise in advance for this new topic. Because this off topic section is turning into a agony aunt/uncle page, with all these relationship problems, how to stop drinking, financial advice, etc. But here goes, many years ago I had many problems with people who made my life very difficult. This started in my last year at school and carried on at college. Threats, doing stuff to my family, insults, trying to break up my relationships and more. Now this was many years ago, but I still cant get over it. I am still angry. How do I get over this anger. Have any of you had people do bad things to you in the past, and how did you get over it? I can tell you that drink and drugs make it much worse... The best way to beat anger is to try to keep your mind and body occupied. Keep fit, and when it's too dark or cold to run, read, write, learn the guitar...too much free time to think leads you down dark paths Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maqroll Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 Therapy might work for you too. A professional to talk to. Just don't take any drugs they might offer you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Baselayers Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 Dude, have you considered a pshychologist? (FYI I am not saying you are insane!) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
b6bloke Posted March 20, 2012 Share Posted March 20, 2012 A lot of good advice so far, I think Blandys is very effective. When you are thinking of the good things and fancy a change I find gratitude is an amazing tool for putting you in a good place. Some may say "but what have I got to be gratefull for!" and focus on whats going wrong in there life which only creates a negative energy and that frame of mind only clouds what is going right no matter how trivial it is. Focus on what it is in your own life that you already have that you are grateful for. Become aware of the effect these things have on your life. What would life be like without them? Feel gratitude for the things you already have acquired or accomplished that have made your life better, even down the small things like your bed, the utilities in your house, someone who lioves you etc. As Charles Dickens said "Reflect upon your present blessings, of which every man has plenty; not on your past misfortunes, of which all men have some." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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