Ikantcpell Posted November 26, 2008 Share Posted November 26, 2008 There was a man named George who got a new job. His fellow employees always met for a round of golf every Saturday. They asked George to meet them at 10:00 Saturday morning. George replied that he would love to meet them, but he may be 10 minutes late. On Saturday morning George was there at exactly 10:00. He golfed right-handed and won the round. Next Saturday rolls around, and George says that he will be there, but he may be 10 minutes late again. He shows up right on time, golfs left-handed, and wins the round. This continues for the next few weeks, with George always saying that he may be 10 minutes late, and then always winning the round golfing, either left- or right-handed. The other employees are getting tired of this, and decided to ask him what the deal was. They said, "George, every Saturday you say you may be 10 minutes late. You never are. Then you show up and golf either right-handed or left-handed, and always win. What is up with that?" George replies, "Well, I am a very superstitious kind of guy. Every Saturday when I wake up, I look over at my wife. If she is sleeping on her left side, I golf left-handed. If she is sleeping on her right side, I golf right-handed." "Well," one of the employees questioned, "What happens if she is laying on her back?" George replies, "Then I am 10 minutes late". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
avfc12 Posted November 27, 2008 Share Posted November 27, 2008 A man walks into a shop and goes up to the counter and says can i have a Kit Kat Chunky the women goes and comes back with a Kit Kat chunky the man replies i wanted a regular Kit Kat you Fat Bitch Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted November 27, 2008 Share Posted November 27, 2008 ^^^ I say old bean, I think we've seen this somewhere before! already :-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anthony Posted November 27, 2008 VT Supporter Share Posted November 27, 2008 I've got a rape joke. Or maybe not; you had to be there. Yes, I know it's in really poor taste. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted November 27, 2008 Share Posted November 27, 2008 How do you know when you're dating a hard bitch? When you ask her for a blow job she replies "Nah I'm too tired - just wank in a cup and I'll drink it in the morning". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anthony Posted November 27, 2008 VT Supporter Share Posted November 27, 2008 From this week's popbitch: Old Jokes Home: Q. What does a Catholic priest & a pint of Guinness have in common? A. Black coat, white collar & you've got to watch your arse if you get a dodgy one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted December 4, 2008 Share Posted December 4, 2008 One day little Johnny heard a noise and peeked into his parents room to check it out. He opened the door to see his mum bent over the dresser and dad going at it behind her. Johnny's dad saw him and gave him a little wink as Johnny closed the door. After business was finished Dad went to check on little Johnny. He opened his bedroom door to find Grandma bent over the dresser and little Johnny going at it behind her. Dad yelled, "Johnny, what the hell are you doing?!" Little Johnny replied, "It's not so funny when it's your mum is it?!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted December 4, 2008 Share Posted December 4, 2008 A vicar checks-in to a hotel and says to the hotel clerk, "I hope the porn channel in my room is disabled." She replies, "No... It's just regular porn you sick bastard!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stevo985 Posted December 4, 2008 VT Supporter Share Posted December 4, 2008 A vicar checks-in to a hotel and says to the hotel clerk, "I hope the porn channel in my room is disabled." She replies, "No... It's just regular porn you sick bastard!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Genie Posted December 4, 2008 Share Posted December 4, 2008 A vicar checks-in to a hotel and says to the hotel clerk, "I hope the porn channel in my room is disabled." She replies, "No... It's just regular porn you sick bastard!" Really made me laugh out loud!! Will be using it later! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
World_Domination Posted December 6, 2008 Share Posted December 6, 2008 A little bit of Monica on the floor... A little bit of Jessica on the steps.... Mumbai No 5. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
World_Domination Posted December 6, 2008 Share Posted December 6, 2008 An English guy sits in a bar on the Reeperbahn in Hamburg eyeing up a beautiful German bird. After a few beers he plucks up the courage to speak to her. "Do you speak English?" "Some" "How much?" "300 Euro." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ikantcpell Posted December 6, 2008 Share Posted December 6, 2008 One day, Dave was out raking leaves when he noticed a hearse slowly drive by. Following the first hearse was a second hearse, which was followed by a man walking solemnly along, followed by a dog, and then about 200 men walking in single file. Intrigued, Dave went up to the man following the second hearse and asked him who was in the first hearse. “My wife,” the man replied. “I’m sorry,” said Dave. “What happened to her?” “My dog bit her and she died.” Dave then asked who was in the second hearse. The man replied, “My mother-in-law. My dog bit her and she died as well.” “Can I borrow your dog?” “Get in line,” replied the man. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ikantcpell Posted December 6, 2008 Share Posted December 6, 2008 At one point during a game, the coach said to one of his young players, "Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?" The little boy nodded yes. "Do you understand that what matters is whether we win together as a team?" The little boy nodded yes. "So," the coach continued, "when a strike is called, or you are out at first, you don't argue or curse or attack the umpire. Do you understand all that?" Again, the boy nodded yes. "Good," said the coach. "Now go over there and explain that to your mother Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
paddy Posted December 7, 2008 Share Posted December 7, 2008 This joke was told on national radio when I was in New Zealand As Prince Charles' plane was approaching Dunedin airport the captain made an announcement saying they were coming into land, would they please return their seats to the upright position etc etc. A stewardess doing the final check goes to have a quiet word with Prince Charles and asks him to put his book away as they came into land. The Prince apologises before realising he doesn't have a bookmark, so he asks the stewardess if she has one, "No sir" she replies "Can't you just bend over the page". Prince Charles pauses a moment then says "If you knew how much trouble I got into last time I did that..." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ikantcpell Posted December 7, 2008 Share Posted December 7, 2008 Q: What's got four legs and no ears? A: Mike Tyson's dog Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ikantcpell Posted December 7, 2008 Share Posted December 7, 2008 Three men walked in to a bar. You think one of them would have seen it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
World_Domination Posted December 11, 2008 Share Posted December 11, 2008 What's the difference between a gay and a microwave? A microwave won't brown your sausage. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
World_Domination Posted December 11, 2008 Share Posted December 11, 2008 I went for a job interview as a blacksmith yesterday. He said, "Have you ever shoed a horse?" I said, "No, but I've told a donkey to **** off." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stevo985 Posted December 11, 2008 VT Supporter Share Posted December 11, 2008 My Girlfriend came up to me yesterday and told me she was pregnant. So I punched her as hard as I could in the stomach and said "Not anymore, bitch" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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