Ok. So I'm now single after being married for 13 years and with the same woman since I was 20. It became obvious (probably more on reflection) that I didn't love her that way so we finished. I suffered from PTSD which lead me to having an affair with a woman who had her own issues so I guess we both thought we would be good for each other. The affair is over and I'm moving on as is my (ex) wife. Obviously my wife found out (maybe subconsciously I wanted her too?) and was devastated we did try to get back on track but it became more apparent that the feelings had gone from my end (although I still love her,confusing!)
Although I regret the affair as the guilt is enormous and I wish I hadn't tarnished all those years together and hurt my wife, it did bring my feelings (both with regards to my mental health and towards my wife) to a head. So I guess there is a positive there somewhere.
We have a son together and telling him I was leaving was one of the worst things I've ever done but I see him regular (5 times a week on average) and he's doing ok so far which is the most important thing
I don't know what the point of this post is other than getting it out there I suppose.
Other than that I do feel "free" and less pressured and am dipping my toe in the dating pond which is probably another story.
What I would say is for anyone considering an affair don't do it. If you have urges to then there's obviously something missing that needs resolving and although difficult there's better ways of doing things