LancsVillan

Free Aston Villa Free, Free, Free, Aston Villa Free Aston Villa Twenty-three years in captivity Our ambition too small to fit our club Our body abused but our mind still free He was so blind that he could not see I say Free Aston Villa I'm begging you Free Aston Villa We pleaded the causes of the VFC Only a few in a large army Yet so blind that they would not see And still so deaf they refused to support the plea Free Aston Villa I'm begging you Free Aston Villa Twenty-three years in captivity Making some blind that they could not see Talking in rhymes that we cannot hear Still so dumb they will not speak I say Free Aston Villa I'm begging you Oh free Aston Villa, free Aston Villa I'm begging you begging you Please free Aston Villa free Aston Villa I'm telling you, you've got to free Aston Villa [/code]

bloody ear worms :-)

bloody hell someone's been working hard at getting back his old reports nice one Pete. "Turned out nice again" and for anyone who hasn't look blandy's post from August 2002 might as well have been posted yesterday.........

boy:knock knock mum:whos there boy:boo mum:boo who boy: no need to cry its only a joke

Corruption - that's disgraceful! power to the people 'cus the people want peace. (note to mods - My vote can be bought for a small consideration. Start the bidding please) here sir have some free train tickets... :wink: as for we can see who has voted for who, JC and Simon maybe can but I can't. How long til this finishes as I'm going to vote at the end, otherwise I'll know the score

Actual call centre conversations !!!!! Customer: "I've been ringing 0700 2300 for two days and can't get through to enquiries, can you help?". Operator: "Where did you get that number from, sir?". Customer: "It was on the door to the Travel Centre". Operator: "Sir, they are our opening hours". +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Sam sung Electronics Caller: "Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?" Operator: "I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you are talking about". Caller: "On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the number for Jack?" Operator: "I think you mean the telephone point on the wall". ---------------------------------------------------------------------- RAC Motoring Services Caller: "Does your European Breakdown Policy cover me when I am travelling in Australia?" Operator: " Doesn't the product give you a clue?" ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Caller (enquiring about legal requirements while travelling in France): "If I register my car in France, do I have to change the steering wheel to the other side of the car?" ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Directory Enquiries Caller: "I'd like the number of the Argoed Fish Bar in Cardiff please". Operator: "I'm sorry, there's no listing. Is the spelling correct?" Caller: "Well, it used to be called the Bargoed Fish Bar but the 'B' fell off". ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven. Operator: "Woven? Are you sure?" Caller: "Yes. T hat's what it says on the label; Woven in Scotland". ---------------------------------------------------------------------- On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone box told a worried operator: "I haven't got a pen, so I'm steaming up the window to write the number on". ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop". Customer: "OK". Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?". Customer: "No". Tech Support: "OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?" Customer: "No". Tech Support: "OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?". Customer: "Sure. You told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'". ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Tech Support: "OK. In the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?" Customer: "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?" ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Caller: "I deleted a file from my PC last week and I have just realised that I need it. If I turn my system clock back two weeks will I have my file back again?". ---------------------------------------------------------------------- There's always one. This has got to be one of the funniest things in a long time. I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired. This is a true story from the Word Perfect Helpline, which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to say the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the Word Perfect organization for "Termination without Cause". Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee. (Now I know why they record these conversations!): Operator: "Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?" Caller: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect." Operator: "What sort of trouble??" Caller: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away." Operator: "Went away?" Caller: "They disappeared." Operat or: "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?" Caller: "Nothing." Operator: "Nothing??" Caller: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type." Operator: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out??" Caller: "How do I tell?" Operator: "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen??" Caller: "What's a sea-prompt?" Operator: "Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?" Caller: "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type." Operator: "Does your monitor have a power indicator??" Caller: "What's a monitor?" Operator: "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on??" Caller: "I don't know." Operator: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??" Caller: "Yes, I think so." Operator: "Great Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall. Caller: "Yes, it is." Operator: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one??" Caller: "No." Operator: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable." Caller: "Okay, here it is." Operator: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer." Caller: "I can't reach." Operator: "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is??" Caller: "N o." Operator: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over??" Caller: "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark." Operator: "Dark??" Caller: "Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window." Operator: "Well, turn on the office light then." Caller: "I can't." Operator: "No? Why not??" Caller: "Because there's a power failure." Operator: "A power...................................... A power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in??" Caller: & nbsp; "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet." Operator: "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from." Caller: "Really? Is it that bad?" Operator: "Yes, I'm afraid it is." Caller: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them??" Operator: "Tell them you're too f*%king stupid to own a computer!!!!!"

To be taken seriously. The Center for Disease Control has released a list of symptoms of bird flu. If you experience any of the following, please seek medical treatment immediately: 1. High fever 2. Congestion. 3. Nausea 4. Fatigue 5. Aching in the joints 6. An irresistible urge to shit on someone's windscreen.

heh I got away with AJ being Aston - that would be one step too far I think...

Ok while sitting here tonight and taking three hours to catch up on threads (deleting posts as I went ;-) only to get an error as other mods were doing the same. I started thinking back to a topic on conversation in the pub, and previously between JB, Simon and I. Should I as a Mod actually have my name in my username? A lot of you will know my name as unsurprisingly it is what I sign PMs and emails with but anyway let's see

You can turn someone into a sheep as well Al. Must be the Welsh coders working overtime. Shame I can't turn into a graphics designer..... :-)

hope you got paid well

As its approaching the festive season........... A family is at the dinner table. The son asks his father, "Dad, how many kinds of boobies are there? The father, surprised, answers, "Well, son, there's three kinds of breasts. In her twenties, a women's breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her thirties to forties, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After fifty, they are like onions." "Onions?" "Yes, you see them and they make you cry." This infuriated his wife and daughter so the daughter said, "Mum, how many kinds of 'willies' are there?" The mother, surprised, smiles and answers, "Well dear, a man goes through three phases. In his twenties, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his thirties and forties, it is a birch, flexible but reliable. After his fifties, it is like a Christmas tree." "A Christmas tree?" "Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are for decoration only.

dunno why it's so quiet..... surely moving it should not have had that much effect

typical bloody risso - late

Already read that, however it's pretty much automated on my servers. :-P when you doing it again as Chris needs to know when he can go offline for a while.....

why what you studying "how to upgrade PHP" :-)

OK I've given up on the idea of ever getting this - due to marriage and my being crap at all games. but that Rev was excellent - I even understood it but this bit is pure class

A South American scientist, from Argentina, after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with not enough sexual activities read their e-mails with their hand on the mouse. Don't bother taking it off, it's too late......

Unbelievable! I thought it was much harder to learn Chinese in 5 minutes...(You MUST read them out loud) 1) That's not right ............................... Sum Ting Wong 2) Are you harboring a fugitive?............. Hu Yu Hai Ding 3) See me ASAP................................ Kum Hia Nao 4) Stupid Man .....................................Dum Fuk 5) Small Horse ....................................Tai Ni Po Ni 6) Did you go to the beach? ................. Wai Yu So Tan 7) I bumped into a coffee table .............. Ai Bang Mai Fa Kin Ni 8 ) I think you need a face lift .................Chin Tu Fat 9) It's very dark in here ......................... Wao So Dim 10) I thought you were on a diet ............ Wai Yu Mun Ching? 11) This is a tow away zone .................. No Pah King 12) Our meeting is scheduled for next week ... Wai Yu Kum Nao? 13) Staying out of sight ..........................Lei Ying Lo 14) He's cleaning his automobile .............Wa Shing Ka 15) Your body odor is offensive .............. Yu Stin Ki Pu 16) Great ............................................. Fa Kin Su Pah

Oh that's a shocking selection, albeit quintessentially English. You (as a nation) had awful cars in the 70's and 80's !! Oi my dad worked on some of them before moving to Solihull and Land Rover (but you are right too) As for you - oh of course the De Lorean - ta

It was a sunny morning, a little before 8:00 am, on the first hole of a busy course and I was beginning my pre-shot routine, visualizing my upcoming shot when a piercing voice came over the club house loud speaker... "Would the gentleman on the woman's tee back up to the men's tee please!!" I could feel every eye on the course looking at me. I was still deep into my routine, seemingly impervious to the interruption. Again the announcement, "Would the MAN on the WOMAN'S tee kindly back up to the men's tee." I simply ignored the guy and kept concentrating, when once more, the man yelled: "WOULD THE MAN ON THE WOMAN'S TEE BACK UP TO THE MEN'S TEE, PLEASE!!!" I finally stopped, turned, cupped my hands and shouted back ... "WOULD THE ASSHOLE WITH THE MICROPHONE KINDLY KEEP QUIET AND LET ME PLAY MY SECOND SHOT !!!"

they've gone get over it

hold on that first pic, the others are talking about allies being around and you're off playing games tut tut

where was Rissok hiding behind the sofa