You can not compare those two terms at all though. Calling someone "black" is not the same at all as calling someone "Der Butthammer". One is an acceptable term to describe someone's ethnicity, the other is a derogatory term to describe someone's sexuality. To say that it's ok because "it's what gays do", is a very silly view to take in my opinion. To assume that he engages in anal intercourse, just because he's admitted to being a homosexual is just ignorant.
I understand what you're saying, but do not completely agree with you
Let's turn it around... let's say this story was about Hitz going Tiger Woods on lots of women and someone called him "der pus*yhammer" etc, would you then respond:
"...that's a derogatory term to describe someone's sexuality. To say that it's ok because "it's what heterosexuals do", is a very silly view to take in my opinion. To assume that he engages in vaginal intercourse, just because he's admitted to being a sex addict is just ignorant."
If yes, fair enough. If no:
I feel like the problem is that we make homosexuality into something special, when it isn't. Just like heterosexuality isn't. It's just different sexual orientation. If we are to accept it, it should not get treated any different than what it is. Meaning, something that happens before birth and is not a matter of choice. It shouldn't matter. Like skin color, haircolor, height etc. But somewhere along the way we have decided that it's ok to joke about X, but not Y. Haircolor, but not race. Height, but not sexual orientation etc. When none of these things should make a difference in judging a persons character, because they aren't a part of a person character at all. It's labels, "he is a gay man", "he is a black man", might as well say "he is man with DNA".
If, and notice the IF, it's "OK" to make sexual jokes, then why not homosexual jokes? What makes the homosexual version cruel if the heterosexual version/counterpart is funny? Homosexuality shouldn't be anything to be ashamed of, it becomes that because it is not treated as something normal.
I see the point you're making, and I think that you probably had good intentions. I think you're right in saying that in an ideal world, the humour / kudos should work both ways. That said we don't live in an ideal world, and the negative connotations that is associated to 'gay jokes' is not present in heterosexual humour (if such a thing exists?). Bigots and homophobes (again I don't think for a moment you are a bigot or homophobic) use such terms in order to demonise, exclude, and ridicule people based on their sexual orientation. On that basis I don't think it's appropriate language to use in this context.