THIS IS A STORY ABOUT A COUPLE WHO HAD
BEEN HAPPILY MARRIED FOR YEARS.
THE ONLY FRICTION IN THEIR MARRIAGE WAS
THE HUSBAND'S HABIT OF FARTING
LOUDLY EVERY MORNING WHEN HE AWOKE. THE NOISE
WOULD WAKE HIS WIFE AND
THE SMELL WOULD MAKE HER EYES WATER AND MAKE HER GASP
FOR AIR.
EVERY MORNING SHE WOULD PLEAD WITH HIM TO STOP RIPPING THEM OFF
BECAUSE
IT WAS MAKING HER SICK. HE TOLD HER HE COULDN' T.STOP IT AND THAT IT
WAS
PERFECTLY NATURAL. SHE TOLD HIM TO SEE A DOCTOR, SHE WAS CONCERNED
THAT
ONE DAY HE WOULD BLOW HIS GUTS OUT.
THE YEARS WENT BY AND HE
CONTINUED TO RIP THEM OUT. THEN ONE
THANKSGIVING MORNING AS SHE WAS PREPARING
THE TURKEY FOR DINNER AND HE
WAS UPSTAIRS SOUND ASLEEP, SHE LOOKED AT THE
INNARDS AND NECK, GIZZARD,
LIVER AND ALL THE SPARE PARTS AND A MALICIOUS
THOUGHT CAME TO HER.
SHE TOOK THE BOWL AND WENT UPSTAIRS WHERE HER
HUSBAND WAS SOUND ASLEEP
AND, GENTLY PULLING THE BED COVERS BACK, SHE
PULLED BACK THE ELASTIC
WAISTBAND OF HIS UNERPANTS AND EMPTIED THE BOWL OF
TURKEY GUTS INTO HIS
SHORTS.
SOME TIME LATER SHE HEARD HER HUSBAND
WAKEN WITH HIS USUAL TRUMPETING
WHICH WAS FOLLOWED BY A BLOOD CURDLING SCREAM
AND THE SOUND OF FRANTIC
FOOTSTEPS AS HE RAN INTO THE BATH ROOM. THE WIFE
COULD HARDLY CONTROL
HERSELF AS SHE ROLLED ON THE FLOOR LAUGHING, TEARS IN
HER EYES! AFTER
YEARS OF TOTURE SHE RECKONED SHE HAD GOT HIM BACK
PRETTY GOOD..
ABOUT TWENTY MINUTES LATER, HER HUSBAND CAME DOWSTAIRS IN
HIS
BLOODSTAINED UNDERPANTS WITH A LOOK OF HORROR ON HIS FACE. SHE BIT
HER
LIP AS SHE ASKED HIM WHAT WAS THE MATTER.
HE SAID, "HONEY YOU WERE
RIGHT." "ALL THESE YEARS YOU HAVE WARNED ME AND
I DIDN'T LISTEN TO
YOU".
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN?" ASKED HIS WIFE.
"WELL, YOU ALWAYS TOLD
ME THAT ONE DAY I WOULD END UP FARTING MY GUTS
OUT, AND TODAY IT FINALLY
HAPPENED."
BUT BY THE GRACE OF GOD, SOME VASELINE AND TWO FINGERS,
I THINK I GOT
MOST OF THEM BACK
IN."
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