Hev

I've met Rantin, PB, JC and Ryu

> Marriage - Part I > A typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the > wedding, he laid down the following rules: > > > 1). "I'll be home when I want, if I want and at the time I want and > I don't expect any hassle from you. > > 2). I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you that > > I won't be home for dinner. > > 3). I'll go hunting, fishing, drinking and card-playing when I want > > with my buddies and don't you ever complain about it. > > "Those are my rules. Any comments?" > > His new bride replied, "No, that's all just fine with me. But please > understand that there will be sex here at seven o'clock every night . > whether you're here or not." > > (DAMM SHE'S GOOD!) > > ************************************ > Marriage (Part II) > > Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th > wedding anniversary! > > The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone > that reads: > > "Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever " > > "Yeah?" she replies. "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone > that reads: > > "Here Lies My Husband Stiff At Last" > > (HE ASKED FOR IT!) > ***************************** > > Marriage (Part III) > Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast > table. > Husband gets up in a rage and says, "And you are no good in bed > either," > and storms out of the house. > > After sometime, he realizes he was nasty and decides to make amends > and rings her up. She comes to the phone after many rings, and the > irritated husband says, "what took you so long to answer the phone?" > > She says, "I was in bed." > > "In bed this early, doing what?" > > "Getting a second opinion!" > > (YEP, HE HAD THAT ONE COMING, TOO!) > ****************************************** > > Marriage (Part IV) > > A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is so > proud of himself, that he starts calling his wife, "Mother of > Six" in spite of her objections. > > One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it's time to go > home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. > He shouts at the top of his voice, "Shall we go home 'Mother of Six?' > > His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion, shouts > back, "Anytime you're ready, Father of Four." > > (RIGHT ON, LADY!) > ************************************** > > Marriage (Part V) The Silent Treatment > > A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were > giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized > that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM > for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to > break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, > >"Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it. > > The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and > he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his > > wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. > > The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up." > > Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests. > God may have created man before woman, but there is always a > rough draft before the masterpiece.

Never try to outsmart a woman! There was a man who had worked all his life, had saved all of his money, and was a real miser when it came to his money. Just before he died, he said to his wife, "When I die. I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the afterlife with me." And so he got his wife to promise him with all her heart that when he died, she would put all of the money in the casket with him. Well, he died. He was stretched out in the casket; his wife was sitting there in black, and her friend was sitting next to her. When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to cl ose the casket, the wife said, "Wait just a minute!" She had a box with her; she came over with the box and put it in the casket. Then the undertakers locked the casket down, and the rolled it away.. So her friend said, "Girl, I know you weren't fool enough to put all that money in there with your husband." The loyal wife replied, "Listen, I'm a Christian, I can't go back on my word. I promised him that I was going to put that money in that casket with him." "You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with him!!!!? "I sure did" said the wife. "I got it all together, put it into my account and wrote him a cheque. If he can cash it, he can spend it."

Not so sure about that because it seems that the 4th placed team will get the 4th spot - even if Liverpool were to win so they will have to be going all out to get 4th place I would have thought - unless 4th spot is secured by Everton by then of course, then I would agree - although our chances are surely gone now anyway! I'm going to Liverpool - was looking forward to it before Sunday's shambles!

JPA for me of course

Roy Aitken also said that DOL was a bit annoyed with JPA and that's why he didn't want to do the press conf but, yes, that DOL has told JPA he wont be taking any more pens this season. Oh well, that's that sorted then. Understandable in some ways I guess but in other ways, not exactly the way to build confidence either but I guess the good of the team as a whole has to be put before the good of the player's confidence - Hope JPA responds in the right way now. To think, he hadn't missed a pen before he came to Villa either (so I understand)

Hope this one hasn't been posted before:- At the end of a tiny deserted bar in Liverpool is a huge scouser bloke 6-feet, 5-inches tall and 350lbs. He's having a few beers when a short, well dressed and obviously gay man minces in and sits beside him. After 3 or 4 beers, the gay fella finally plucks up the courage to say something to the big Liverpudlian. Leaning over he whispers, "Do you want a blow job?" At this, the massive Merseysider leaps up with fire in his eyes and smacks the man in the face. Knocking him off the stool, he proceeds to beat him all the way out of the bar. Finally he leaves him, badly bruised, in the parking lot and returns to his seat as if nothing had happened. Amazed, the bartender quickly brings over another beer. "I've never seen you react like that," he says. "Just what did he say to you?" "I'm not sure" the big scouser replies. "Something about a job."

No you got it in one!!! I also have a ladies one with no name on as, when I am being more ladylike, I like to be a bit more discrete

I love the Hummel stuff and the Chevrons in particular but I think the leisure wear (as opposed to the replica kit) seems more expensive than the Diadora stuff of last year. I mean, at the moment the short sleeved T shirts seems to be £20.00 (particularly like the one in purple in the ladies range - with matching trousers) and there is a lovely jacket I would really love with the lion printed on it but it is £120.00 - even a long sleeved sweat type top the same is £80.00 I mean come on we are not made of money (well I'm not that's for sure). My DWS logo hasn't peeled off yet - but I did press it over with the iron before I wore it and a few times since just to be on the safe side :roll:

Hmm, Now I will have to think about that one! :wink:

Dear Juan Pablo Angel - as you are so fond of Olof (by the way he is my second favourite player at Villa) - why don't you change your name to "The Mighty Olof" or something like that. I have always thought it could be very confusing for innocent people that might visit this board (hmm-not a good idea I suppose) but they might really think you are the real JPA - then they would not understand your comments. Also, might you be in trouble if the real JPA found out you were using his name? Just wondered that's all. :?:

I was in Sports Soccer at Fort on Sat and saw lots of the horrid scummy Flybe New SH tops - I looked at them and even touched one! Their logo is stick on like ours and their shirt doesn't even have the aerated bit under the arms and down the sides like ours - ours is much better I think - lots of scummy people getting one though unfortunately so I just scowled and looked at the Villa tops - which of course are much cheaper there than at Villa Village where I bought mine from! :evil:

Mh said:- I voted for Mellberg. (Surely he is better looking than Angel? But what do I know). Well, I agree, Mellberg is, in my humble opinion, the SECOND best looking player at Villa but, sorry, not better than JPA in my view Anyway, I'm sure you all wanted to know that (not!)

OK listen very carefully, I shall say zis only once:- "Hev" is what my mates call me and is short for HEATHER so yes, last time I checked, I was a "bird" as you put it - getting to be a bit of an "old bird" these days!

JPA of course (was there ever any doubt!). As well as favourite player, he would also win best player and best looking player in the Prem.