Shillzz Posted December 9, 2004 Share Posted December 9, 2004 Whats hit more Balls than David Beckham? Elton Johns Chin Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Villaninireland Posted December 9, 2004 Share Posted December 9, 2004 what do ferrero roche( them posh chocs) n posh spice have in common ? both come in posh boxes Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Juju Posted December 9, 2004 Share Posted December 9, 2004 Chavette goes to the Doctors...... "Docitor, I keep getting green marks on my thighs when I wake up in the morning".... "Tell your boyfriend the earrings aren't real gold...." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LancsVillan Posted December 10, 2004 Moderator Share Posted December 10, 2004 Two guys both have 9:00 a.m appointments at a vasectomy clinic. A nurse greets them and tells them she has to prep them for surgery and takes them to a private room. She tells the first guy to take off his clothes and sit on an exam table, which he does. She then takes his manhood in one hand, and begins to masturbate him. "Whoa!" he says, "What's going on?" She replies that it is all standard procedure, and that she has to ensure that he has no blockages. The guy thinks, "How bad can it be?" So he agrees and allows the nurse to finish her task. Once done, the nurse tells him to go sit down, and repeats the instructions to the second guy. When he is up on the exam table, the nurse gets a big smile on her face, licks her lips, and begins to perform a blow job on him. Upon seeing this, the first guy says, "Hey, what's this? I get jerked off,and he gets a blow job. That's not fair." The nurse looks up at the first guy and says, "Sorry,mate. That's the difference between NHS and BUPA." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest RantinRob Posted December 10, 2004 Share Posted December 10, 2004 whats the peice of skin in between a womans arse & c*** for ? resting your chin on cough, splutter Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clarry Posted December 10, 2004 Share Posted December 10, 2004 Q: What's the hardest part about rollerblading? A: Telling your parents you're gay... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kalim_a Posted December 10, 2004 Share Posted December 10, 2004 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NibblyPig Posted December 11, 2004 Share Posted December 11, 2004 Q: What time is it when an elephant sits on your fence? A: 3.30... however, sometimes he comes around at quarter to 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LancsVillan Posted December 14, 2004 Moderator Share Posted December 14, 2004 Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates. "In honor of this holy season," Saint Peter said, "you must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven." The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. It represents a candle, he said. You may pass through the pearly gates Saint Peter said. The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, "They're bells". Saint Peter said you may pass through the pearly gates. The third man ! started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties. St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, "And just what do those symbolize?" The man replied, "They're Carols". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LancsVillan Posted December 14, 2004 Moderator Share Posted December 14, 2004 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NibblyPig Posted December 14, 2004 Share Posted December 14, 2004 ^^^ pure gold (especially in light of the news today that thousands upon thousands of penguins are about to die!) where did you get that from LV? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LancsVillan Posted December 14, 2004 Moderator Share Posted December 14, 2004 quote me in a response and the quote brings the site up between the things Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NibblyPig Posted December 14, 2004 Share Posted December 14, 2004 ^ cheers mate Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kalim_a Posted December 15, 2004 Share Posted December 15, 2004 George Bush has a heart attack and dies. He goes to hell where the devil is waiting for him. "I don't know what to do here," says the devil. "You're on my list but I have no room for you, but you definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got 3 people here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let YOU decide who leaves." George thought that sounded pretty good, so he agreed. The devil opened the first room. In it was Richard Nixon and a large pool of water. He kept diving in and surfacing empty handed over and over and over. Such was his fate in hell. "No!" George said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer and don't think I could do that all day long." The devil led him to the next room. In it was Tony Blair with a sledgehammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time. "No! I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day!" commented George. The devil opened a third door. In it, George saw Bill Clinton lying naked on the floor with his arms staked over his head and his legs staked in spread eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best. George Bush looked at this in disbelief for a while and finally said, "Yeah, I can handle this." The devil smiled and said.... "Monica, you're free to go!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kalim_a Posted December 15, 2004 Share Posted December 15, 2004 A 90-year-old man said to his doctor, "I've never felt better. I have an 18-year-old bride who is pregnant with my child. What do you think about that?" The doctor considered his question for a minute and then said, "I have an elderly friend who is a hunter and never misses a season.One day when he was going out in a bit of a hurry, he accidentally picked up his umbrella instead of his gun. When he got to the Creek, he saw a beaver sitting beside the stream. He raised his umbrella and went, 'bang, bang' and the beaver fell dead. What do you think of that?" The 90-year-old said, "I'd say somebody else shot that beaver." "My point exactly," said the Doctor. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kalim_a Posted December 15, 2004 Share Posted December 15, 2004 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kalim_a Posted December 15, 2004 Share Posted December 15, 2004 A teacher asked her class, "What do you want out of life?" A little girl in the back row raised her hand and said, "All I want out of life is four little animals". The teacher asked, "Really and what four little animals would that be sugar?" The little girl said, "A mink on my back, a jaguar in the garage, a tiger in the bed and a jackass to pay for all of it." The teacher fainted. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kalim_a Posted December 15, 2004 Share Posted December 15, 2004 Morris and his wife Esther went to the state fair every year and every year Morris would say, "Esther, I'd like to ride in that airplane." Esther always replied, "I know Morris, but that airplane ride costs $50, and $50 is $50." One year Morris and Esther went to the fair and Morris said, "Esther, I'm 85 years old. If I don't ride that airplane I might never get another chance." Esther replied, "Morris, that airplane ride costs is $50, and $50 is $50." The pilot overheard them and said, "Folks, I'll make you a deal. I'll take you both up for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say one word, I won't charge you; but if you say one word it's $50." Morris and Esther agreed and up they went. The pilot did all kinds of twists and turns, rolls and dives, but not a word was heard. He did all his tricks over again, but still not a word. When they landed, the pilot turned to Morris and said, "By golly, I did everything I could think of to get you to yell out, but you didn't." Morris replied, "Well, I was gonna say something when Esther fell out, but $50 is $50." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kalim_a Posted December 15, 2004 Share Posted December 15, 2004 A new young monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to help the other monks in copying the old canons and laws of the church by hand. He notices, however, that all of the monks are copying from copies, not from the original manuscript. So, the new monk goes to the head abbot to question this, pointing out that if someone made even a small error in the first copy, it would never be picked up. In fact, that error would be continued in all subsequent copies. The head abbot replies, "We have been copying from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son." So, the head monk goes down into the dark caves underneath the monastery where the original manuscript is held in a locked vault that hasn't been opened for hundreds of years. Hours go by, and nobody sees the old abbot. So, the young new monk gets worried and goes downstairs to look for the elder monk. He sees him banging his head against the floor. His forehead is all bloody and bruised, and he is crying uncontrollably. The young monk asks the old abbot, "What's wrong, father?" With a choking voice,the old abbot replies............................ "The word is celebrate." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kalim_a Posted December 15, 2004 Share Posted December 15, 2004 Sonny and Bubba were sitting on the porch shooting the breeze. Sonny asked Bubba, "If I snuck ovah to yore house while you wuz out fishin an' made love to your wife, an' she got pregnant, would dat make us kin?" Bubba scratched his head for a bit then said, "I don't think so . . . . but it shore would make us even!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts