villahero
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Everything posted by villahero
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I was driving around the other day and started to feel really horny so i pulled into this well known 'dogging ' spot and joined in the action...i had a **** great time...but i think i've failed my driving test
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I got fired on my first day as a male masseuse today. Apparently, ' finish off on her face ' didn't mean what i thought it did.
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I was having my balls examined the other day by my doctor. As he was holding them he said " it's quite normal to have an erection "... i said " er ?..i haven't got one " He said " no...but i have "
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i watched intently as the ' other ' woman delicately inserted her fingers into my wife's pussy, understandably, i decided to start wanking myself off... midwives eh ?...no **** sense of humour
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Last week a girl from my past rang. It was many years since our brief affair but i have never forgotton the amazing and wild sex we had together. Imagine my delight when she suggested revisiting our glorious past. I explained i wasn't the man i used to be, having gained a spare tyre and a bald patch and missing some teeth. She giggled girlishly and said not to worry as she had put on a few pounds herself... so i told her to **** off
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General Krulak (part 2) and *STILL NO TRANSFER QUESTIONS*
villahero replied to LancsVillan's topic in Hall of Fame
Hi General As final tickets are being posted out, can we have them in a plain envelope without a club crest/address. Some of us have postmen who are as bent as a pig's dick. thanks -
what's the difference between a council gritter and Madeline McCann ? There's been several sightings of Madeline McCann
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A dwarf couple had time off from the circus to go to the maternity unit for their baby scan. The midwife asked " what are you hoping for ? "..." they reply " we don't care....as long as it fits in the cannon "
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A man goes to bed and reaches over to his wife. He starts to slide his hand slowly across her shoulders then down her side just glancing her breasts, then carries on down her sides and legs. He slides her legs apart and slowly runs his hand up and down the inner side of her thighs. He moves back towards the top and stops. His wife gasps " why have you stopped ? "...He replies " I've found the remote...**** off back to sleep you fat bitch "
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why is it that if i go into any bookies anywhere in Britain, there's always a Chinese bloke in there ? Not the same one i hasten to add
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scientists reckon that beer contains female hormones !!!.... kind of makes sense cause after 8 pints i talk bollocks and can't **** drive I realised i was getting old yesterday. Whilst watching porn i found myself thinking.." **** me, that bed looks comfy " A female dwarf goes to the doctors complaining of a sore fanny. The doctor has a look then produces a pair of scissors and starts snipping here and there. After 5 minutes, the dwarf says " That's brilliant, it feels so much better, what have you done ? ". The doctor says " i've just trimmed the top off your wellies "
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General Krulak (part 2) and *STILL NO TRANSFER QUESTIONS*
villahero replied to LancsVillan's topic in Hall of Fame
No comment on Aliens...i think the general knows something !! :winkold: -
Dear Matt Lucas I am so sorry to hear about the sad suicide of your ex. I actually find you very attractive as you remind me of my partner, who has also sadly passed away. Give me a call if you want to hook up Jack Tweed
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Paddy is in a pub and the tv is on showing the evening news and it's covering the story of a guy about to jump off a high rise block. A bloke says to Paddy " i bet you 20 quid he jumps ". " ok " says Paddy, " i bet 20 he wont ". With that, the guy jumps. Mortified, Paddy goes to hand over the 20 quid. " Nah, i can't take your money paddy " says the bloke, " I saw it earlier on the lunchtime news ". " so did i " replies Paddy, " but i didn't think the silly **** would do it again "
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Man Utd's dressing room 10 minutes before the Manchester derby.... " right lads, i want 110% effort from the word go against these Blue bastards, remember the **** did us on the anniversary of Munich a while back. If you **** this up those cockney bastards will be 6 points clear of us. Now i don't care how you win this one, kick, punch or even headbutt but just make sure you win. Good luck " Then Fergie walks in and says " cheers ref, i'll take it from here "
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I'm not usually a suspicious person but the missus just said that ' Gavin ' from ' Autoglass ' has been around and injected his special resin into her crack....the thing is, she hasn't got a car
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Ryan Giggs has just scored in the Manchester derby to make it 5-3
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" one song...you've only got one song "
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i think the bird behind has just realised she's followed through !!
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The Other Music Thread - DnB, Dub, Reggae, Techno et al.....
villahero replied to trimandson's topic in Off Topic
what's that then ?...is it like chloroform ? :winkold: -
ahhh...bit like the Chris Moyles one then ?
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Tell me what it means and i might join in !!
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i don't mind upping my post count if it gives me a reason to slag off the fat talentless prick. When will everyone realise he's shite...his Tv programmes bomb like ****....let's hope his expiry date for the airways is soon upon us too....knob
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LT-1993....fair play for smacking a Jonas brother !!!
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Q..what's got 4 legs and licks ants ? A...2 uncles Soz but i couldn't spell it the proper way could i ?