AJ

Aston Villa line up: the usual gang of idiots. I hate this so called team and what they have done and are doing to this beautiful and proud club. We have lost this game before kick off. We are QPR 2.0.

Usually in a team, if you have one good player and 10 shit players, that player is made to look even better. Unfortunately, we don't have one good player.

Well done Ayew. One of the few that give a damn. Its hard enough just playing Bournemouth, but made harder when you have to play against dickheads in your own team.

Well done, Bacuna. That's how you throw in in the Champions Cup.

Any time now. Cue the "injuries" and the blatant fouls to dodge playing.

I have. My microwave is the same colour as Bournemouth's away strip. The corned beef came out claret and blue. Binned it after one bite.

Also, whenever a player proclaims their love for the club, I get suspicious if the accompanying photo doesn't show the player's hands, as I suspect they may be flipping the bird out of frame while saying it. Its probably paranoia on my part though. However, what a player says, and with what is offered on the pitch seems to seriously contradict. They not only play like they hate Villa, but play like they hate football too, and daydream of what could have been if they paid more attention in school.

I remember a movie from the mid 90s, called Mars Attacks! It was a bad to average movie, but there is a scene from it which comes to mind so often lately. In this particular scene, the martians are running around killing everyone they can see, while in the background, the interpreting device is sprouting crap like " We come in peace. We mean you no harm. We are your friends." Now, whenever I hear from a Villa player that they are doing their best, that they are hurting too, or they still believe they can make safety, like a dog hearing Pavlov's bell, my mind goes to this particular movie scene. Either for me this is an easily drawn similarity, or Villa have driven me nuts.

Tie him to a post in the box at the other end. Then bench Gestede because his job is taken.

Another game of slow build ups against a set organised defence, where they will opt either passing down the flanks for a cross into the box to the lone striker who doesn't move against 4 defenders, while every other player treats the box like it is surrounded by barbed wire, or they will take the other option of just passing it to a Bournemouth player. Villa zero goals. The Villa defence versus a motivated Bournemouth attack who want to get payback for losing to such a crap team in the first game of the season. A defence consisting of Lescott and Richards, who both would rather be back home in bed in their comfy homes, continue to show their disinterest in playing football. As for goalkeeping, you may as well have Guzan and Gestede trade positions, the results will be the same. Bournemouth, at least 2 goals. Final score: Bournemouth 2 Villa 0 in a game as exciting as watching your toenails grow. The only excitement will probably be coming from the stands.

Villa are going down easier than a porn star.

At least there were some people in claret and blue at Villa Park who gave a s***.

Its rocket polish.

Hutton suspended. Bournemouth disappointed.

Awful ref

Can we at least appeal to the Player's Association to tear up some contracts. There must be a performance clause in their contracts somewhere, in which the majority of these clowns must be in breach of.

I am now looking forward to the 74th minute, where I will get to see some people wearing claret and blue making an effort and trying to make a difference, which is exactly what is not happening on the pitch.

Conceding right before or right after half time. Happening way too consistently. Do they get into a huddle and discuss how they plan to concede this goal, and afterwards awarding points for creativity in how they concede? Happening way too much, so they must be doing it on purpose!

I used to love watching Villa play. I cant believe that this club is now represented on the pitch by such heartless useless w*****rs.

A blind seagull is still better than Richards.

Instead of Richards, maybe experiment with Sanchez there. Good defence, but his passing is criminal.

Yes.

My Gran would do it for free. She is always looking for an excuse to get out of the house. Her conditions are everyone is to wipe their boots before entering the change rooms, when she brings in her famous pumpkin scones, everyone is to share, and no more than 2 per person ( looking at you, Gabby). No bad language, Grealish to change his shirt name to Tweety, and two of the bigger lads to help her up and down the stairs. She is keen, and her severance pay would just be a plane ticket home. If it doesn't work out.

Maybe we should ask Guus Hiddink what he is up to next year, or is that aiming too high?

Some are rightly so pointing out that it is the manager's job to motivate the players, and to make use of sound tactics to approach each game. But, could it be that the players could not be motivated? That they are happy with their lot, and that playing football was an inconvenience? As for the use of tactics, its quite limiting if it involves swapping one dud for another. I would have liked to see certain players leave before the manager. If its the same squad next year under a different manager, then we will be just eating the same crap for breakfast, just in a different box. Guus Hiddink?