Mandy Lifeboats

I got Mrs Lifeboats a new dinner service. We decided to give the old service for Christmas Dinner. It was strangely satisfying to throw the dirty plates away instead of washing up.

Err......

Broken Britain. £26 for a coat hanger.

There are only 2 types of watches. Those you love and those you don’t. The best option is to let him choose. But if you want it to be a surprise, try looking up his favourite watch and go for something from the same brand that is similar looking but a step up in price. Just remember to check the stores returns policy. Luxury watch stores are normally very good with returns and swaps. Especially with £8k in your pocket.

I would recommend a few things - Victim Support. A decent first step. A decent solicitor. You need someone who specialises in this sort of thing. But its a scenario with several different aspects. The Law Society might be able to provide you a list of local solicitors who deal with this. A rape support organisation in the local area. Ask the local Police for details of their complaints policy. That should explain the next steps if you are unhappy with their response.

As a starting point I would recommend visiting a retailer like Fraser Hart and look at their range. They stock some decent brands. If you live in the West Midlands I would suggest booking an appointment at Pragnell's in Stratford-on-Avon. There is no pressure to buy and they can show you lots of options. Even if you don't buy from them you will get so e good ideas.

Lenny is taking it really hard. He hasn't said a word to anyone since Terry died.

Oopsie

When I was in my teens scratch cards were relatively new. One of the breweries ran a competition where every pint you bought came with a scratchcard. You could scratch one box off from a choice of about 30 and win a free pint and another scratchcard. Someone realised that if you held the card in front of a light you could see the winning text. I remember going to the local pub with a couple of quid and a torch. I don't remember much else.

Getting Beckham to guest star in "The Queue" was a genius idea.

During the cold war the USSR gave out a consistent message about the West. The people were told that the mega rich had a wonderful lifestyle but the average person was living well below the standards of the average Soviet. This picture was reinforced by only reporting the excesses of the rich and the worst of the poverty. The average Soviet thought they had a better life than Westerners because they only had to queue for 2 hours to get bread whilst most Westerners couldn't even afford bread. I can understand why elderly Russians want to go back the USSR days. They have seen Russia transformed by Western influences into a country of mega rich and poor. They think they were better off. They weren't.

The Queen’s Funeral. It was a great show. Would the pedophile get to wear his uniform? Should Phillip and Holy have jumped the queue? Was she really dead? I also loved the ridiculous way the actor playing the Prime Minister kept changing. I was disappointed by the ending. It was a bit predictable.

Bam Margera released from hospital and recovering at home. Chris Rea driving home for Christmas.

That really couldn't be more wrong. Just look what happened to countries invaded by the USSR during WW2. There is a reason why most of them joined NATO. It wasn't because the Russian's were lovely chaps. It was the oppression and the massacres.

What a coincidence..... This is exactly why the Brazil, Russia, India, China, South Africa alliance is doomed.

I follow TASS on Twitter. There's been quite a few articles recently that suggest all is not well with Putin. He traditionally holds a massive press conference in December. That's been postponed until January. The Kremlin have announced that a number of opening ceremonies he was due to attend will now be conducted by video link. Either his health is failing or he fears someone is trying to bump him off.

You will be amazed how quickly Ukraine will recover. There are plenty of precedents. Japan was nuked twice and lost 3,000,000 people in WW2. Germany lost 5,000,000 and half its country to the USSR in WW2. The Balkan Countries lost 150,000 in the Yugoslavia civil wars. In the long term, Ukraine could give up all the land they have presently lost and still be in a better position than Russia in 10 years. Especially if the West continues with sanctions. Putin publicly states that Russia doesn’t need the West and can be better off trading with the rest of the world. Even he knows that's not true.

Pele will say his dying wish is to see Brazil win the World Cup just 1 more time. England will beat Brazil in the final and Gareth Southgate will forever be know as the man who destroyed Pele's dying wish.

I am also amused by people who claim that Russia is actually at war with NATO. Russia was very quick to state that its missiles hadn't strayed into NATO Territory. Not the actions you would expect during a war.

There is presently a massive fire in a Moscow Shopping Centre. 7000 square metres is burning to the ground. I knew I shouldn’t have opened the Moscow Branch of the North Atlantic Sweety Organisation so quickly.

Feel free. Russia is presently no threat to NATO because Putin has destroyed Russia’s military capability and military credibility. NATO expands because of the actions of Russia. Most of the Warsaw pact joined NATO. They didn’t join because Russia is a nice peaceful neighbour. I am not sure why you think saying that Russia is no threat to NATO is a topic that shouldn’t be spoken. It’s not the coming of Voldemort.

I shall open one next door . North Atlantic Sweety Organisation.

I do like the sound of the "North Atlantic Threaty Organisation".

Nuclear war is a mathematical equation. Some of your weapons will not be available. Some will fail to launch. Some will fail in flight. Some will fail to detonate. Some will be intercepted. Some will be wildly off target. Some will detonate in locations that drastically reduce their impact (seas, rivers). The less you fire the less hit. You simply could not risk making a first strike with just the percentage that's instantly available.

Yes and no. A proportion of weapons are always ready to go. But not all. Even missiles in silos need maintenance. Shorter range missiles are kept in safe areas and are moved into position. Some are loaded onto planes for air launch. A proportion of Russian nukes are simple free falling bombs. They need to be moved to airfields and attached to planes. Missiles in subs are ready to go but the order to fire needs to be transmitted and received. If you do all of these things at the same time it stands out like a beacon. The UK keeps less than 50% of its capacity ready to go at short notice.