World of Warcraft

[Risso]

Well I finally beat Tarj in a duel! Backwards and forwards we went, no quarter given. In the end a lucky crit from my earth shock won the day. When he gets to level 3 that hunter is going to be ferocious!

[The_Rev]

I think we should go on a larger tour of Ally land. The two times me and Sie have done it (ages ago and yesterday) were both great fun.

Imagine four or five of us riding through Dun Morogh!

[The_Rev]

Just wait until you see Dun Morogh if it's snow levels you like.

By the way Nayson, there is an update for the MK mod that fixes the mod disabling WoW's music. It's also fixed some other bugs I noticed like the music not always stopping after a fight.

However, installing the new version is slightly different as it's more of a patch than a new version. Just download it (2.01 source only), unzip it and CUT AND PASTE everything into the MKombat folder already in your interface addons folder. Click "yes to all" when you get the overwrite prompt.

Ive put in 2.02, and ive wiped all their shitty music choices except for Smack My Bitch Up, and the Tetris cover.

What ive added of my own so far:

Kung Fu - Ash

Six Barrel Shotgun - BRMC

The title music and Kens music from Streetfighter II

First it Giveth - Queens of the Stone Age (and i can see loads of QotSA making the final playlist)

Gangsta Gangsta - NWA

Blitzkrieg Bop - The Ramones

Dirty Beats - Roni Size & Represent

Ich Bin Ein Auchlander - Pop Will Eat Itself

Scentless Apprentice - Nirvana

Rebel without a Pause - Public Enemy

4 kicks - Kings of Leon ("i lost a fight once. once")

Im gonna stick shitloads in over time. Leftfield could be extensively used...

[The_Rev]

World of Warcraft is an exciting Massively Multiplayer Roleplaying Goose, where jerks with no lives are allowed to live out their fantasies of being a jerk in the mystical lands of Azeroth, Kentucky. Since everyone either plays this game, or talks endlessly about quitting the MMORPG they are currently playing for this game, we here at Something Awful thought it would be best to provide players with a successful guide on maximizing your enjoyment. This one goes out to all my thugs in Ner'Zhul.

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Choose a server type that’s right for you. Player Versus Everyone servers are for complaining about other players and wishing you could kill them. Player Versus Player servers are for complaining about other players that can kill you, and wishing you had the level, gear or talent to kill them. Role Playing servers are for complaining about other players, and pretending that you had killed them for the glory of the Elvish Kraken Goddess or whatever bull your DM told you was too lame for Dungeons and Dragons.

Please take heed that of the players you wish to kill, they will usually be on your own side. Blizzard insists this is working as intended. Remember: the server you select will be one you complain about until Character Transfers are allowed, so choose wisely.

This is what best represents me in game.

Give your character a unique name. Be sure to stand out from the other Sephiroths and Thralls that probably play on your server. If ZeldaKillaz is not your style, try to choose a name that is extremely difficult to type out. Anything that sounds like it could be a backwoods city in Iceland is a good place to start so use umlauts, accented e's and as many silent X's as possible -. Qualzu is a decent start, but QÆlzüÈnlktn sounds like one bad ass paladin. If they can't type out your name, they can't add you to their ignore list.

Choose a class that suits you. This is your first MMORPG, and you want a fun experience that is action packed, dynamic, carefree. You want to kill crap quickly, not worry about being attacked, and with very few responsibilities. Play what everyone else does – a rogue. (couldnt resist - Nayson) Sure, everyone that plays Warcraft will tell you that everyone is a rogue – that's because Rogues are enjoyable to play. They will say that there are too many dagger-wielding assholes, and that your endgame is going to consist of creating a macro declaring “Looking for group anything PST”. Well, the other classes don’t have any fun at all. Tanking is bull. Healing is for sissies. You have a 30-day trial period, and you are certain you won’t become addicted like the 2.3 million other rogues that play.

Ask Plenty of Stupid Questions! Sure, you could ask a guard where the inn is, but there are thousands of players online, a plethora of misinformation via the General Chat. The tooltips that Blizzard has implemented are just there to confuse you, and it’s not like you were gonna read that quest that Centaur just gave you. The only way you are ever going to find out what that “Breath” bar is by spending five minutes in the water asking everyone on your continent. If anyone suggests picking up the manual or using one of the many resources online for newer players, report them.

Make your Numbers as high as possible. One of the primary goals of WoW is to make every number you have as big as possible, except your Spirit stat. Spirit is worthless. The larger that number is, the more unplayable your character is. The tiny gain it gives to your HP/MP generation it grants, is not worth the tradeoff for the undocumented effect it has on lowering your rolls on your Class Specific Loot.

In fact, some extremely rare loot has the chance of giving you negative spirit, making it in high demand among melee classes. Things like passive effects, character appearance, or “maintaining a healthy social life away from the computer” have nothing on making your numbers bigger. If someone has numbers higher than you; call them a faggot, blacklist their entire guild, and report them for exploiting game mechanics.

The only profitable tradeskill is being a female. Play as a girl. Do not ever, EVER, even hint that you are male unless you dislike getting free gold from desperate nerds. Most players should be skeptical that every elf with long hair and boobs is offering to dance for him in her underwear for gold, especially because the game has been live for more then a year now. Well, you can be a female Tauren with one horn, mange and the name BullBalls and still be solicited for whispered chat companionship. In a pinch for that sword you want to purchase? Tell your group that you are AFK because your period started, and come back to a myriad of invitations to be their online mistress. Mining/Skinning has nothing on the amount of profit that Gold Digging brings in.

Be patriotic.Part of the fun of World of Warcraft is the tension caused by having two warring factions. Play into this as much as possible to heighten your enjoyment of the game and the enjoyment of everyone around you. Start by making a macro for the "/spit" command. If you should encounter a player 10 or more levels below you, press it several times while running after them.

Wait to engage them until they are being attacked by monsters or you have several friends to back you up – this is called strategy. After killing the player, be sure to stick around to make the concept of “resurrecting” as challenging as it is impossible. If you are Alliance and that Orc helps you kill that unexpected mob while you are at your last breath, be sure to thank him, /bow, rest up, then report him to a GM for ruining immersion. Same goes for any player that destroys you, then camps your corpse for the next hour – all members of the opposing side are **** assholes with no concept of honor.

Lay Down the Law in Duels.When you duel someone, you are giving them your valuable time. They should, therefore, be happy to consent to a fight on your terms, so don't hold back out of politeness. Chances are they accidentally declined your last seven challenges. Demand your satisfaction! Some abilities are just unfair and don't deserve a place in honorable battle.

Some good guidelines to set before the duel is to disallow hunters using traps, rogues stealthing, warriors disarming, warlocks fearing, paladins bubbling, paladins healing, shamans touching the keyboard, and mages casting spells. Also, throw them a bone by starting slow and ramping up the difficulty. Duel first without restrictions, and only after you lose to their unbalanced abilities should you speak up. Eventually you will have them right where you want them: in a battle where they are allowed to do nothing but auto-attack and watch. If they still beat you, insist they are using pots, trinkets, or hacks, /spit, and report them.

Play things the way *you* wish to. Most of the skills that the game offers are really just suggestions, and should have no bearing on the way you want to play. This advice is not only suited to having a good time, but also economical. Want to play a Shadow Priest? Don’t even bother learning your new heal spells past level 10 and watch the savings pile up while the faces melt off. Lockpicking is for criminals – explain that to your group two hours into Blackrock Depths when the prisoner you came for needs to be let out. Knowing your role in a group is as easy as knowing thine self – do a little of everything.

However, if you are a shaman, druid, or paladin do only one thing and do it poorly. If anyone asks kindly for the occasional heal, or maybe would like a resurrection because everyone but you died because of the lack of occasional healing – do that hearthstone thing you like so much. The only reason they are complaining about you is jealousy for all that fun you are having.

There is no such thing as Mana. World of Warcraft is an innovative MMORPG, as it has convinced all melee classes that there is no such thing as Mana. All classes operate on Energy or Rage - which replenishes itself. If your healer is complaining about your recklessness, tell him to go beat on a monster with that Staff he's carrying or just wait 15 seconds. If for some reason the Mage is just using his wand while angrily sending you tells about something involving getting something to drink, /ignore him for lacking playskill.

Create a good group. Most of the expert, advanced content relies on being in a balanced group of 5 or more people. A balanced group should consist of a Hunter, Three Rogues and a “Utility” player, such as a healer or a Tank. The best way to go about creating a group for an instance is “/y LFG 4M full on rogues no fags no girls PST”. Go ahead and bind this to a macro so you don’t have to type it out every 15 seconds.

When someone is advertising they are “looking for one more, healer only” be sure to tell them to invite your Rogue – you’ve got First Aid at 220 so everyone’s good to go (provided they give you Mageweave Cloth). Also when joining a group for an instance, be sure to be queued for Battlegrounds and have as many prior obligations as you can before starting the instance, that way if you get bored you have other things to do. It’s just a game – everyone will understand when you go AFK unannounced for 15 minutes to go smoke.

When in a group, roll on everything! WoW, much like Diablo 2, is about collecting as many items as possible. Just because you can’t use it is shouldn’t stop you from rolling on that plate helm – a patch could later give the ability for Mages to wear it! Being an Enchanter (or even remotely considering reskilling for it) means rolling on each Rare item that drops is like picking herbs for an Herbalist. The concept of “Need” and “Greed” rolls is vague: if your character NEEDS gold, roll on the Bind on Pickup Warrior-only .0002% drop rate Axe of Doesn’t FuckingDrop – its 5 gold to a vendor. People that roll greed on trash drops are just failing to realize how expensive Epic Mounts are.

If you are set as the master looter, be sure to only let rolls for items occur during intense combat, in a five second window to ensure you are only rolling to yourself. If you are not the master looter, the first time you lose a roll on an uncommon drop quit the group, pull a ton of monsters, leave the instance then spend the next hour in Ogrimmar yelling in detail how the “fagots” unfairly “ninja’d” the item from you. Then report them.

Be sure to announce everything you do with macros. Communication is the most important thing in your relationships with the group. Casting Flash Heal is one thing. Try setting up this beauty though:

“Shadowshade is casting Flash Heal on SoonToBeDead, Level 48 Female Undead Warrior”

“Shadowshade casted Flash Heal on SoonToBeDead, Level 48 Female Undead Warrior”,

“SoonToBeDead, who is a Level 48 Female Undead Warrior, is now at 100% Health because of Shadowshade’s Flash Heal”

“Thanks me, Shadowshade, for that Awesome Flash Heal on SoonToBeDead, the Level 48 Female Undead Warrior”

This helps gets the point across that you are getting the job done (and that newbie SoonToBeDead keeps taking damage... REPORTED). Other good abilities to set up a party alert macro like this are Sinister Strike, Sunder Armor, Fireball, Shadowbolt and Detect Minerals. Because of the importance announce these alerts in /y; its much easier for players to read loud red text.

Treat Getting Aggro Like a Competition. Combat isn’t any fun unless the mob is fighting you back, so be sure to do as much damage as possible. Those damage and heal charts you post in the raidchat after/during every pull are the only accurate gauge of skill, and you need to be the absolute best. Area of effect damage is the easiest way to prove you are number one, and I’m sure the priest will understand that.

Getting aggro is easy too: convince that warrior he’s not doing his job properly with Presence of Mind, Pyroblast, Flameblast, and Cone of Colding the target right after he charges it. Two tanks in the group? Go ahead and let them fight it out on the same monster, and deal with the other three elites when the first one is dead. Energy spent on Feint is energy you are not Backstabbing with, and you can dodge 20% of attacks headed at you anyways.

Crowd Control is for Pussies. You are a busy player: you’ve got loot to ninja, lvl 10s to grief, and there’s some arsehole selling an item you want in the AH for too much that needs to be reported. Needless to say, you don’t have time for this sap/sheep bull. If Blizzard thought you couldn’t handle the 7 Elite Dragonkins at the same time, they wouldn’t have put it in the game. Ignore the concerns of your party members, claiming that its faster to spend 15 seconds casting Shackles on a Zombie then it is to spend 15 minutes walking back from the Graveyard to Blackrock Mountain –- the /follow player command works even in death.

Suitable mage names: Calistoga, Aquavita, Evian, Dasani

Never accept fault for anything. Some say that accepting the fact that you can make mistakes is a sign of maturity. Well, the second you hit level 20 is the day you became a real mature man - and men don’t make mistakes. Fortunately for you, there are PLENTY of things you can blame the fourth wipe they think you’ve caused.

It’s the latency’s fault you couldn’t stop pressing Backstab – share your concerns about your internet service provider, computer manufacturer, and Blizzard. It’s the horde’s fault you keep dying – shamans are clearly overpowered, Will of the Forsaken wrecks your character class and Blizzard clearly favors them over the Alliance. It’s the healers fault you all died to the 3rd pack of mobs you pulled – take the time sprinting back to Uldaman to express your differences with that fuckmouth cloth wearer who for some reason, lacks the same endless ability reservoir your Warrior does.. It’s the Alliance’s fault you keep dying – paladins are invincible, Perception wrecks your character class and Blizzard clearly favors them over the Horde. It’s your guild’s fault, your fictious girlfriend’s fault, Hurricane Katrina’s fault – the possibilities are endless. Be sure to report them all.

Well, that should summarize everything. I want to give special thanks to Malkith, Caselogic, Adam Kensai, Raivin, and all those chowderheads in the forums. If you have any questions, ideas, hate mail or are looking for a real attractive female to talk about BWL strategy for affordable rates contact me at abraham@somethingawful.com. I'm sure we can work out something that's mutually beneficial for the both of us.

[The_Rev]

Gamon on tour!

[ED]

I didn't really get that Gamon post up there, cre to explain whats going on?

[Risso]

Took me a while too. From what I can gather there's an NPC called GAmon who lives in the Inn, though I've never seen him. He attacks people in Orgri, but is low level so does no damage. By attacking him back with low level damage, he'll follow you around the world.

That's my reading of it anyway.

[The_Rev]

You dont know who Gamon is? Seriously?

Wow. He is something of an Orgrimmar celeb. I guess mainly with Locks and Mages, who got a shock about what happened the first time they AOE'd in the Inn, which is where Gamon lives.

I think he is there to help Rogues practace their pickpocketing, but if you want to find him, he is standing right next to the spot in Orgrimmar where your Hearthstone will take you.

He is a level 12 Tauren Warrior, with no weapons, and if you hit him, he will start a fight with you. Gamon gets killed by Horde players about 200 times a day, every day.

[ED]

Yes I know, I had a quest with him ages ago, I had to pickpocket him, but I didn't know he was a celebrity.

[ED]

I achieved a goal of mine that I've wanted to do ever since my first bat ride from Badlands (Level 38ish)

Here are the grabs:

Me at the top of the "faces" Dam

Me at the bottom of the "faces" Dam

Me at the top of the waterfall I've always wanted to jump off

Me dead at the bottom of the waterfall I've always wanted to jump off

Recharging the batteries with a mini picnic

That Loch is really nice, seems the allies get a lot of the good looking areas.

[Risso]

Anyone up for Nayson's jaunt through Ally areas tonight?

[Sie]

I wouldn't mind a stroll on the wrong side of the tracks.

[The_Rev]

Im up for it.

So, thats three in. And if there are Alliance to be killed, i know TRL will be if he is online. Dan? Sion?

Ironforge??

[TRL]

Got math exams tomorrow, so i wont be online tonight.

[ED]

Bah! Count me in.

[The_Rev]

Ok, teamspeak for the evening will be on: 81.159.181.42:8767

password: shit

[The_Rev]

If i can get on (and off) the test server, that is.

[Risso]

Oh greaaaatttttt. Another **** patch. And this time the brilliant Blizzard Downloader refuses to start at all. Not one single byte of data can I download. The message boards are always full of people complaining about it, so why the **** do they carry on with that piece of shit software?!

Blizzard: I'm perfectly capable of downloading stuff with my usual software. Your downloader sucks the big one, just stick the **** patches somewhere where we can get them with the minimum of fuss, you set of **** arseholes.

Oh and please hit "Hamstring" with the nerf stick.

Thank you.

Disgusted of Tunbridge Wells.

[The_Rev]

Bumped for Juju. Download, extract, and put in C:\Program Files\World of Warcraft\Interface\AddOns (create Interface and AddOns folders yourself if they dont already exist.)

Bookmark http://www.thottbot.com for info. It should help you find where plants are if you want to go flower picking!

Titan Bar - very handy

Auto Shout Out. Good for instance runs. You will shout out if your health is low, so the priest will know you need healing, and you will shout out if your mana is drained, so warriors wont go steaming off while you have no mana left. (well, actually, they probably still will...)

Spell Alert. If people start casting stuff, it lets you know.

Mob info. Remembers things like the hitpoints and mana points of the computer. Remebers what sort of things they drop, and how often too.

Tip Buddy. Now this is just fantastic.

Scrolling Combat Text. Another great one. This just makes all the moves pop up over your head. I like it a lot

Opium. Allows you to remember the name of any dickheads you dont like, and when you see them again, you get a little popup. So you can go kill them.

And one for TRL, to make finding a punchup easier.

Defense Tracker

Sits in the titan bar, and logs all the places over the world where ally are attacking our bases. Mouseover, and you can read it, decide whether you fancy your chances or not, then get down there.

Oh, and ive respecced to Demonology. Trading instant damage over times, chance of not being intrupted in channeling spells and the chance on hit for an occational shadowbolt (4%) for more powerful demons, easy to access (but expensive) Voidwalker shields and much shorter summoning times, including an instant cast every 15 minutes (i have almost 4,000 health with the imp out, the succubus has a better seduce and higher DPS, and the Felhunter gives me all his resistances, so basically i could be a mage killing machine) so against mellee classes i can sacrafice the voidwalker for a 2000 bubble shield, then instant summon one of the other demons to suit whoever im fighting (having the wrong demon out was one of my biggest problems in PvP) so hopefully thats addressed. Just need to get to 60 to get my destruction slots back for the big crits (ive lost Ruin, my fave talent on the game, until level 60 now) but as i think ill be running more instances from now on for gear, im hoping ive made the right choice. In instances, my imp gives me 600 health (everyone else gets 400) and reduces threat on me by 20%.

Just gotta learn to play again now!

[Sie]

For Risso.

The Blizzard downloader always takes a while to kick in but it doesn't really matter how you connect to their patch servers, you'd still get the same download performance. It's slow because everyone with the game in europe is doing the very same thing you are - downloading the patch. There are however other sites that put up mirrors and host the patch themselves. It's an easy way to get around the Blizz downoader but make sure its a reputable site first.

You should check your firewall and/or router set up too as this may be slowing traffic down. You can find details of what ports to forward on the Blizz Warcraft site.